Blonde Stalkers Have More Fun?

Dearest Baldy,

I have noticed in all the random photos in the last few weeks since you’re rumored to be boffing blonde Hooters waitresses that the frauffalo have been dying their hair blonde. Frumpy fraus featuring coifs in colors rarely seen in the natural, from almost Albinist white blonde to fake tarnish coin gold to plastic Barbie overprocessed yellow. I think they’re figuring if it’s blondes you screw then they have a chance. They don’t get it that it’s going to take a lot more than a change in hair color to unzip your Levis, like perhaps getting a time machine and a new body and face and a personality.

I think you should have fun with this delusion of theirs. Let them see you making out with redheads one month, another month with girls wearing pink or turquoise hair, perhaps the following month with bald girls. Let’s see just how quickly they all follow suit like some demented pack of lemmings.  I can hear the fried hair follicles crying pain right now…

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