Love ‘Em & Leave ‘Em On The Endless Tour

Dear Baldy,

I am sitting here this morning in front of my computer screen with my jaw dropped open like a gigged fish at a report on the internet involving that model you were *cough, cough* ‘dating’. Dude, dumping someone, even a regular casual booty call with a text reading, ” Dude, I’m losing fans over this!” just so not swanky or klassy at all! Granted, the report is in a tabloid but still, damn, that is cold! You dumped her for the heifers! There’s just so much wrong with that I can barely process what I want to say.

1. – Sends the wrong message to your fans!

They are all going to look at that article and think, ‘hmm, 9 year difference, cougar fucking. ooooh! I gotta chance after all!” and the crazy starts up again renewed and focused that makes earlier tarding look as mild as a Sunday church picnic. Expect all the incidents to get more intense now. You mistakenly think they like your music, you could be belching the ABCs in Urdu with Tibetian Monks chanting in the background and they’d pony up the bucks if they thought they might have a slight chance to get into your pants. It’s not you they want, it’s the idealized version of the guy on television they saw.

2. – You don’t troll the internet for lurve!

Okay, so I do understand you can no longer go out into the audience after a gig and pick Miss Lay Of The Night like you could back in your bar band days. You can’t just offer free mustache rides and expect to find anything but fupa-laden fraus. But still, the internet? Freaks and weirdos and MySpace Angles.

And look what the internet bought you, someone that ran straight to the media. Find another nookie acquiring method than MySpace.

3. – You don’t let the people that buy your albums dictate who you sleep with!

Did John Lennon let the Yoko-hating masses dictate who he dicked? Nope and he still had a viable career in rock and roll.  And for bonus points Yoko Ono has been embraced by history. the arts community and the masses. Did he initially lose a few fans when he hooked up with Yoko? Probably some of the screamers and the tards but he gained new ones less about the image but more about the music. Just like you would if you’d stop being a wuss, grow some balls and not allow others to dictate your desires. It might actually buy you some fans that are all about the music, not the fantasy guy they saw on American Idol. I don’t know who’s telling you that you have to protect and consolidate the frau fan base but they are giving you bad advise. No love object on Idol keeps their frau base long, just ask some of the guys from previous seasons. Once this tv dreck starts up again in January you’re going to lose a portion to the newest flavor just like you lost some to Adam Lambert this year.

It’s a good thing I hadn’t seen this report before Ch’Ville because my first words to you would have been, ‘Have you lost your fucking mind??”

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5 Comments on “Love ‘Em & Leave ‘Em On The Endless Tour”

  1. Ghausia Says:

    Damnit the link you gave isn’t working. The ABCs of Urdu are actually called alif bay. 😀 I started liking Cook again after the idletard wristband, I’m filled with mild contempt for him again the ballsless wussy!

  2. Radio Birdman Says:

    I’m sure that he didn’t use those exact words. No man would.

    Girlfriend is just pissed that the heifers threatened them with death.

    • freedavidcook Says:

      Hhmmm, could be some from column A and some from column b.. everyone has a little bit of asshole in them to do insensitive crap like that, yet we all know girls that thrive on negative attention too.

  3. Radio Birdman Says:

    I’m not doubting that he can be an arsehole, but I’m sure he wouldn’t turn down a hot piece of arse just to please the frauen who he’s obviously pretty pissed off with anyway.

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