Attention Stalkers: Start Your Engines

Dear David,

I think it’s a good idea for you to give back and do something charitable, like I was reading about in this mornings news. It’s admirable you’re going to help construct a home for a little girl suffering from a rare disease. To be doing that in your down time from touring is even better. But I hope you have security, better security than you had for your tour. Tell ABC that there must be big burly bodyguards and cops to cover the perimeter or you’re going to have one of the crazes trying to caress your hammer or lick your sweat or something equally repulsive. Did you know that there’s a thread on Live Journal where some idiot is talking about saving her virginity for you to take, losing it in a random encounter with an Idol winner instead of with someone she has actual real feelings for and a future with.

And now I have to address someone that lurks here…


Dear L Anne Carrington,

I see you googling yourself and booging on in to see if I’m talking smack about you like Idletard did. You do it day after day after day and I’m not even sure what you’re looking for. This blog is addressed to David “Baldy” Cook, not L Anne (Dennick) Carrington.  I’m not going to list your crimes here, I’m not going to waste server space recounting your truly awful fiction, your obsessions with wrestlers, fake weight loss, fake fiances, fake modeling, fake acting career, fake publicity career, and I’m sure I missed some other bits of your faking besides your long list of aliases but I do not care. Go drool over your wrestlers or write some more revolting sex scenes.

What I do care about is that you’ve been twittering that you’re going to participate in this year’s Nanowrimo by doling out bits of your almost unreadable novel “The Cruiserweight” You do realize that Nano requires you to write daily till you have the word count of fifty thousand words? You CANNOT copy and paste over bits of a previous word and pretend to have written during Nano as that is cheating. I know you are well capable of doing just that since you seem to have no moral qualms or squeamishness about lying or cheating as evidenced by the tons of things posted at Idletard and over at the Pink board.

How does this concern me? I’ve participated in Nano for years. I don’t cheat. I pound out the necessary words. Some years I finish, some years I don’t. I am participating again this year and I will be watching. If you attempt to pretend that you are writing that horrid book during Nano and uploading bits of it or of any of the writings you have lifted off others I will be on you like a famished piranha on a rancid corndog floating down the river Styx. If you participate and cheat I will make it my personal mission to see you disqualified.

If you’re sincere and are going to play by the rules then welcome.  No plagiarism!  But I have my doubts after your twitters.

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12 Comments on “Attention Stalkers: Start Your Engines”

  1. Ghausia Says:

    You forgot to mention the discussions they had about his sexual preferences as well. Personally, I bet he likes to bite. I said that just to make you want to gouge your eyes out. One wondered if he liked to be spanked.

    Also, no offense but read

  2. freedavidcook Says:

    I get the vibe that he might be dirty in the bedroom but I’m not going to discuss it on a message board ad naseum. That’s the kind of crap you keep in your own dirty little mind, not posted for everyone to see.

    ROFLMAO! The bloggist has a point. Every month is Nano if you’re a true writer. Nano is just a fun exercise to force yourself to get into the rhythm of writing every day. It’s taken L Anne a long damn time to get to 50K words on “The Cruiserweight” so I think it’s safe to say she’s not going to participate with new writing.

    • girl from mars Says:

      I wonder how many of L Anne’s 50K words are “CUMMINGGGG”

    • Ghausia Says:

      Sadly enough, I had the same idea. I just never discussed it with you guys. Or anyone, for that matter. I wonder how crazy rock fans are, I saw a YouTube vid yesterday in which someone from Green Day said “I can suck my own”. That can’t have worked i his favour with the tards!

  3. Smartie Says:

    You forgot fake babies.


  4. freedavidcook Says:

    I also neglected to mention the porn, the hooking and the dirty footed photo

  5. retarred Says:

    lurky lurky 😉

  6. Speedball Says:

    Where can I find more about this crazy L Anne woman?

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