Archive for November 2009

Ending The Never Ending Tour

November 30, 2009

Dear Baldy,

So did you get home and gorge on bird flesh in time for Thanksgiving?  I certainly hope so. Everyone should be with the folks they love for the holidays.

I haven’t posted lately because I’ve been busy eyeballing the tranny pee possibly coked up train wreck that is Adam Lambert. The Trannypeegate! The face humping! The totally offkey vocals on the AMAs! The falling down! The lip synching on The Early Show! The arrogant stupidity constantly dribbling from his lips like a fountain filled with ignorance! How on earth could I be bothered to write about you when there’s the never ending buffet of Adam Lambert fail? What’s a little pee between friends?

Now you’re coming to the end of the tour that never ends.  What comes next?  Besides rest and reconnection with loved ones. I’m very curious to hear what type of new music is going to come out of your long months on the road. Will 19E let you out from under their thumbs long enough to make original music?

One thing is for sure, we’re coming up on frau danger time, that ugly period between the end of your tour/any Idol tours and the beginning of the next season of American Idol. Fraus will be depressed because there’s no new news or tours. Some of them will wake up and realize that they spent large chunks of time and money tarding and will return to real life. At least until the new Idol season starts in January where they’ll repeat the cycle again, wash, rinse, repeat ad infinitum.

Another surity is that Holly Sockpuppets will scare up a bunch of fake news and gossip to drive traffic to her board. I don’t doubt she’ll raid Model Mayhem and other modeling site to invent a few new girlfriends, whip her few idiotic followers into a frenzy before selling her fake exclusives on your love life to another tabloid.

Remember, avoid Holly Sockpuppets and don’t let any trannies tinkle on you and you should be fine..

Google Questions #11

November 20, 2009

Dear Baldy, some doozies today from Google!

Haphazard a guess – beats the hell out of me?

David Cook + Dating +Fan Fic equals a big old scary cluster scrogg of extremely unlikely and usually biologically impossible sexual adventuring. I’m sure there would be an infinity of orgasms that in reality would leave the participants sere dried up dead husks of a human.

Neil Tiemann screw – See above. Eew no!

Brian Howes twat – See above again!

Baldy runs – Not sure if this is about your charity jog for cancer or a reference to some chrome domed dude with diarrhea. Still makes me laugh.

Screechy McScreamsalot

November 20, 2009

Dear David,

How are you not deaf by now? Screams and yowls like a wildcat with it’s ass in wringer greeting your every sigh onstage? According to a recent review of your show your frau are acting like every utterance from  your lips is orgasm-provoking. Are they wearing vibrating panties? I keep forgetting how easily amused and aroused the frau pack is.

Is that appropriate? Well, yes, if your fans were 12 years old and you were the newest incarnation of the Backstreet Boys. Middle aged women acting like that over someone young enough to have emerged from their own vagina is not so understandable.

But it does sound like there are moments of fun on the tour –

During one song, a handful of people dressed up as superheroes, along with the banana suit guy and another in a monkey suit, stormed the stage. Not sure if that was planned or impromptu antics. It was funny when it happened during The Script’s set, but it was kind of annoying when it interrupted the Alice in Chains tribute. Cook, ever good-natured, simply laughed and went on entertaining his shrieking public.

Dating Lies

November 18, 2009

Dear Baldy,

I was amused to read this interview on Access Atlanta and see some things that relate right along with my recent postings here. With the subject of Mary Ann/Holly Sockpuppets of David Cook Uncensored.

Here’s what you said on the subject of dating –

He said he has no girlfriend since the breakup with former “Idol” contestant Kimberly Caldwell. Too busy, he said.

Even if that was a total lie it really paints Holly Sockpuppets obsession and lies about you using Model Mayhem to pick out girlfriends in the poorest light possible. Have you ever noticed that when it becomes slow on her board or whenever people start to realize what an enormous liar/shit stirrer she is that new women get outed as ‘girlfriends’ of yours. She goes into ‘Storm the Bastille’ mode with torches, bloodhounds and outrage over whatever the latest imaginary target of your lust she’s parsed from the misfiring synapses in her own mind.

It’s pretty apparent she’s making up most of your so called romantic partners because a) she only does this when she has a vested interest in the outcome, i.e. trying to deflect attention off her wrong doings or when it’s slow on her precious board. b) I also believe she does it in a futile attempt to pretend she has exclusive information. She does this to screw with and manipulate others like a true sociopath would.  The fact that she may have made a few pennies on the fake info by selling it to the tabloids is just the wiggling worm on the turd sandwich she is.

If she had any clue about touring and what it’s really like going town to town to play music every night she’d know there’s not much room for love. Touring is so stressful and draining that even if it was the goddess of love and beauty begging you to make mad sweet passionate love to her you’d be more likely to slump over in the bed and sleep. It’s not a lifestyle that is conductive to anything more than the rare one night stand. It’s grueling as Radio Birdman mentioned.

Does it bother you that things you say in concerts, interviews or just about anywhere gets quoted and analyzed ad nauseum on fan sites? If so, do you feel pressure to draw the line between Celebrity David Cook and Private David Cook? – Deborah Clevinger.

That’s a tough line to toe. I’ve tried to maintain some semblance of a private life. Past that, I don’t know. I’ve seen everything I’ve said analzyed. A lot of cases, it’s misconstrued a little bit. But if you can’t control it, laugh like hell. I think I’d lose my mind if I had to mentally stop before I said anything.

Baldy, I think that would be the hardest thing to deal with in this massive stripping away of privacy, the idle baseless speculation devoid of any reality. Did you know that Holly Sockpuppets claims you are bipolar and have other mental illnesses without any proof. They are analyzing every word dropping from your mouth, every slight movement of your body, what jewelry you wear, and other vague meaningless things to come up with this idiocy.

You need security because of freaks like Holly and privacy. You deserve life, love and liberty just like the rest of us.


Google Questions #10 or My Little Porny

November 17, 2009

Dear David,

There were more queries into the nature of Mary Ann/Holly and the Sockpuppets but quite frankly I’m done with that for now. She’s repetitive and boring, thinks she’s your internet mommy. Ugh!

“Hair wig” – Well, what other types are there? Oh yeah, I forgot that Bret Michaels has a  My Little Pony wig.

“insane Cook porno” – I think this is a reference to the rape fics at Illusions of Cook but not entirely sure. Did you take a second job ala the Mormon boy in ‘Orgasmo”?


November 17, 2009

Dear David,

I’m sure you know by now one of your sillier fans got arrested for public intoxication before your Toronto show. She’s telling anyone who’ll listen that she’s going to get you, Neil, Andy and anyone else connected to her to sign off on her arrest papers. There’s nothing klassier than being hauled off to the pokey for getting too drunk to stand. Only Neil is allowed to drink like that!

Have you read the print outs from David Cook Uncensored yet?  You need to. Everything you need for the restraining order is contained within them.

Good luck! Please make Andy Skib pack some winter clothes if you’re going to play the frozen north.

Google Questions #9

November 16, 2009

Dear Baldy,

Another day, another series of bizarre search terms.

“Holly Sockpuppets” – Number 1 search of the day yesterday. I believe that the board at David Cook Uncensored is starting to implode now as more people look for proof that Holly is insane. Soon you will be able to buy a fainting couch without someone obsessed over exactly what color it was and if you have a masturbatorium.

“Baldy blog” – Were they looking for some rogue individual that doesn’t use Rogaine and Propecia. I’ve always laughed over the Propecia commercials because lack of ability to get a hard on is a side effect. Which effectively renders the entire reason to grow hair, get the ladies, a very moot point. What can you do with them when you get them? Play Parcheesi?

“Bad karma & cancer” – Regardless of what God you do or don’t believe in it seems to be a universal truth that people sow what they reap.  One of my very religious friends says that cancer comes from bitterness and unforgiveness. I don’t necessarily believe that but the law of universal reciprocity seems to indicate that if you run around screaming cancer and don’t have it that it’s not outside the realm of karmic realignment to actually develop cancer.

“Pizza Screamer” – Ah, the lovely Daina, shouter into mikes about pizza love and bilker of fraus via her coffee table book filled with images of you. Theft of intellectual property anyone?