Tattoo You

Dear Baldy,

I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that your batshit crazy fans have a new obsession. Trying to figure out what the blue ’14’ you have tattooed on your forearm means.

It occurs to none of them that all these hours of pointless speculation only underscore one thing to those of us that still have our sanity. It points out how dementedly obsessed to the point of it sounding like a mental illness they all are. Who gives a shit if you did or didn’t get a tattoo and why do they have to know what the hell it means?

I’m pretty disgusted that in this world dealing with real serious long lasting problems such as poverty, hunger, war and economic collapse that these shallow bitches chose to debate the meaning of your tattoo like the Senate arguing over Health Care Reform. It’s insane! It’s sick!

Let’s examine some of the dumber theories to show you how deep the stupid and insane runs.

1 – A certain website owner/moderator is claiming it’s a jersey number and the team colors of your beloved Kansas City Chiefs. *Aaaack!* (game show buzzer sound) She is obviously color blind considering the Chiefs colors are white and red, not blue.

2 – Others say it has to do with the Book of David in the Bible, chapter 14. *Aaaaack!* There is NO book in the Bible named ‘David” and I believe you have stated publicly that you are an agnostic.

They are consulting numerology websites, the I Ching, running searches on “blue 14” on Google and spending fruitless hours guessing.

Might as well ponder why Taylor Swift writes a “13” on her hand before performing without knowing the real why.. it’s just dumb.

Doesn’t System of a Down have a song on their Blue album called 14?

Baldy, you need some normal folks as fans, who don’t give a rip what you tattoo on yourself and don’t waste hours obsessing over it. These tards need a padded cell, straight jackets,  therapy, Thorazine and baby food.

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11 Comments on “Tattoo You”

  1. Radio Birdman Says:

    It could be the KC Royals – don’t they wear blue?

    Anyway, it’s fucking ridiculous.

    • freedavidcook Says:

      Could be, could well be but really, who fucking cares in the first place? It’s not ancient hieroglyphics holding the fate of the world or an alchemists recipe for spinning straw into gold.

      Catcher John Buck is #14 for the Royals and blue is there color. Guess the tard picked the wrong damn sport. She’s still been dropped on her head as a baby.

  2. nonna-muss Says:

    You rock at Free David Cook! I hope he reads it and reads this.

    Dear David Cook,

    Please don’t ever tell anyone but your closest friends and relations what your tattoo means and then,only if you wish to. It’s nobody’s damn business but your own. Also, please know that you DO have normal fans who may do nothing more than admire your newest tattoo. Not skip making dinner for the kids whilst we look up all the possible meanings the number 14 could possibly have. Please be assured that one day we will outnumber the crazies and your life can be YOUR life again.

    A Normal Fan

    • Ghausia Says:

      I bet he got drunk and decided to get another tat and couldn’t decide, wanted a number and picked the prettiest number. Or maybe he lost his virginity at 14. Wasn’t he 14 when his lder brother whose name I do not rememeber because I’m a fan got sick? WTFever, I just wanted to prove that my theories are smarter. I haven’t even seen the thing and I don’t really care, tattoos are sexy, David is adorable, end of discussion.

  3. niftywench Says:

    good gravy, this is one of the greatest things i have ever seen. thank you for your blog!

  4. girl from mars Says:

    I think it’s an homage to the Front Row Crew, it’s how many tons they weigh.

  5. Yaara Says:

    Well I didn’t even know he got a new tattoo. In fact, I’m not sure how many tattoos he has, how they all look (apart from that ugly eye tattoo he showed off on Larry King Live) or what any of them mean. Why? Because it’s not fucking relevant to his music.

  6. nonna-muss Says:

    Bwahahaha. Quite obviously the Mayor of Crazytown hates Cook’s tatts. Every sock-puppet from her huge arsenal has posted about how they will ruin his career, how ugly they are, etc. So many sock puppets have come out of the closet that even her regular members are questioning what’s going on.

    • Smartie Says:

      It’s amazing that she can keep up with all the personas. L Anne must have taught her a thing or two. Afterall, they’re both in PA. And were BFFs when the Mayor was a Confrau.

  7. nonna-muss Says:

    Happily Cook said in an interview that he will not reveal what the tattoo means and he’s enjoying all the fan speculation. See? He knows they’re crazy too.


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