Caution! Sparkle Cows Exploding!

Dear Baldy,

Did you enjoy your game of charity softball even if it sounds like you got your keister whooped? Exercise is good. It’s something the Sparkle Cows of Adam Lambert loath and avoid like Kris Allen.

Poor Kris Allen. His album dropped off the charts with the same rapidity as a KKKer runs away from a Gay Pride rally.  But he actually has a much better chance of having a long term career when compared to Adam Lambert. Adam is flavor of the month, flash in the pan. For all the moolah 19 Entertainment has pumped into his post Idol career it hasn’t helped a bit. He’s still stuck playing 3 rate casinos filled with fat middle-aged women in age-inappropriate clothing. His CD is lanquishing at places like my local Rite Aid for three ninety-nine in the bargain bin.

The problem with Adam is Adam himself. He’s like that evil princess in the Grimm Fairy Tale who when she opened her mouth had toads and frogs emerged. 19E cannot control him, hence the AMA debacle, and they cannot tape his mouth shut. He says things either quite offensive or stupid or both. No matter how 19E dresses up Adam up in the Emporer’s New Clothing we all see he’s actually quite naked.

Who admits in the media that they decided to try out for Idol because of an acid trip? Why not just announce your bowel movements and nose picking bouts too?

All of these factors make Adam’s turn next week as a mentor on “American Idol” not the smartest move on the part of 19E. I’m sure they’re thinking it will jump start his career just like hooking battery cables to the ancient battery in a rusted ’74 Ford Pinto.  It might, but it’s unlikely. America has Adam Fatigue courtesy of his mouth, his actions and his music.

Idol risks much by putting Adam on there unless he’s trailed at all times by a handler and kept away from anything not carefully scripted. He’s missing the brain-mouth filter and discretion. Oh well, at least he siphoned off some of your bigger loonies and Casey James plus Lee Dewyse are inheriting the remainder.

The funny thing to me about all of this is that the Adam Lambert Sparkle Cows have just now figured out that you unfollowed Adam some time ago, right after the AMA’s if I’m not mistaken. They think it’s recent and that you did this in a fit of pique because he’s mentoring on Idol and you’re not.  Expect a Sparkle Cow stampede on your site/twitter telling you off for being bitter and jealous.

They don’t get it and they never will.

ETA: Baldy, you are no homophobe, you support gay rights but I fear the Sparkle Cows are going to equate you unfollowing Adam with homophobia instead of just stupid shitty performances without any sense of shame that it possibly was. Again, they don’t get it.

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5 Comments on “Caution! Sparkle Cows Exploding!”

  1. nonna-muss Says:

    FDC, I don’t want the Sparklecows to also claim Cook is a homerphobe, because he’s not. Just wanted to clarify. He spoke out in support of Prop 8 and has discussed homosexuality in various articles and interviews. Cook is far from a homerphobe and I wanted to make that clear before the idiot Lamebert fans try that song and dance. The thought of Cook being jealous of Glamboy makes me hysterical. Truly. Hysterical.

  2. freedavidcook Says:

    Nonna, I didn’t even think about that, never crossed my mind in regards to David. He’s clearly not homophobic but I’m sure the Cows will try to spin it that way. I updated saying that he’s not a homophobe. But… you cannot reason with stupid.

    • nonna-muss Says:

      I know you didn’t think about it because homophobia doesn’t cross a normal person’s mind. It only crosses the minds of Sparklecows who think Glambert is a rawkgawd and anyone who disagrees is prejudiced. Thanks for clearing the air so nicely. 🙂

  3. mustang Says:

    All anyone would have to do is youtube the Larry King interview Cook did after his brother died. King asked him if Adam’s coming out will affect his career. Cook’s response was “It shouldn’t…I’d like to see it come to a point where that (sexuality) is like hair color.” (my paraphrase)

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