What Awaits Casey James

Dear Casey “Goatboy” James,

I’m sure David Cook could tell you what awaits you as the end of American Idol approaches and you prepare to go out on the road with the summer Idol tour since you’re in the top ten.

From the first time you appeared on Idol I had a sneaking suspicion you would be the Frau flavor of the year.

So what’s a ‘Frau”?  – Most fraus are people that believe anything television tells them. They are the targeted viewing audience of American Idol. They are champions of everything that is banal and anti meritorious.  Fraus fixate on someone from the show to the point of all ridiculousness, behaving like they’ve lost their minds. I’m not talking about normal fans, who buy the CDs or downloads and may or may not go to the concert. I am talking about the ones that will neglect their kids and husband, plunge the family into debt to stalk you and spend upwards of four or more hours a day Googling their prey and/or discussing them with other like minded frau. Fraus trample the rules of polite society and sanity.

So what awaits you? Tons of middle aged, overweight, uglier than homemade sin,  delusional,  lust-addled, women without any boundaries.  They’ll try to fondle your ass and package if they get close enough. They’ll threaten anyone that doesn’t think you are King of the Idols. They’ll do things like put tracking devices under your tour bus, threaten/stalk any of your friends online and in real life. They’ll speculate over penis size, write oodles of Mary Sue fan fiction and fantasize about boffing you.  They will think nothing of intruding on your most private moments, family time or personal tragedies with aplomb.

Mary Ann Ellis/Holly Sockpuppets has given you her Frau stamp of approval so expect her to set up a board for you. Doesn’t sound so bad huh?  She’ll generate vile rumors and you’ll find suddenly that fictitious stories about your love life will start popping up in the tabloids like poisoned toadstools after a hard rain.

If you expect to have a viable and lasting career with real fans who like your music but don’t care about your penis there are steps you must take. If you don’t the insane frau will run off any real fans.

1 – Get security. Real hardcore security and arm them with photos, names and dossiers of the fraus.

2 – Never do or say anything to encourage or embolden them. No tweeting your plans, no Meets & Greets with them, no, nien, zip, nyet, de nada, nothing. Irregardless of what 19E and your management say do not pander to them.

3 – Do not go out to the bus lines to chat these women up during the summer Idol tour.

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10 Comments on “What Awaits Casey James”

  1. Natasha Says:

    Frau will have a field day this concert with Casey, Lee, and Timmeeh. It’s going to be a long summer for these three.

  2. The “Frau” to which you refer is Frau-Simon Cowell, the pop-promoter, who wouldn’t know a true rock artist if Steven Tyler himself kicked him in his little nuts. Cowell, and most of his buffoon judges, have been desperately trying to spoonfeed us the notion that a long-haired rocker who plays the meanest axe ever on the Idol stage takes a back seat to the other creamy pop crooners whom Cowell wants to package in his cookie-cutter carton of goo. The “Frau”, as you refer to it, is Simon Cowell trying to peddle us on the idea that you have to be a pop artist if you want to go anywhere.


    I wouldn’t worry much if I were you about Casey James’ career, because he’s in good hands. The “Goatboy”, as you call him, is rattling the cans in a number of rock and country music studios. Buttin’ down the doors to stardom.

    Use that big goofy ladel you have and dip it deep into the bowl of sugary sweet pop and “lick it up”.

    • freedavidcook Says:

      Whatevers Frau. You’re just pissed because I called his vibrato ‘goaty’. Newsflash. I’m not the only one. Most everyone, including the mainstream media, describes his vibrato that way. It is what it is.

      And btw his guitar skills are good but they are not ‘eye popping’. If they are ‘eye popping’ for you I suggest you run, not walk, to your nearest medical facility for help with those popped eyes.

      I am no fan of Idol or it’s recycled crap music and I never will be. I feel kinda sorry for Casey because I’m sure he didn’t know what he was getting himself into. It’s pretty obvious he’ll be booted tonight and that Simon et al were manipulating and skewing what was going on last night to ensure a Lee/Crystal finale with Lee winning. Casey doesn’t stand a chance, not even with the ranks of Vote For The Worst power dialing last night.

      • Sandy Says:

        I remember some fans who were impressed with David Cook’s guitar skills. He may have been able to adequately accompany himself for his public appearances but was nothing to be impressed with. By comparison, Casey must seem like such an awesome guitarist to these people. My guess is that they have never been exposed to really awesome guitarists so anyone who can play more than a few chords impresses them.

    • various Says:


      Your right. The best thing for Casey is likely getting kicked off at this stage.

      Carly now is doing more interesting music than David Cook. The guy had to sell his soul when he won. Now he alternately loathes and encourages is Frau – he might as well become a strip tease act already. Dave, is Tom Jones in you future?

  3. Cooks_FUFL Says:

    And don’t forget Twitter! First, you have all the nasty, ugly ass middle aged twats like Ladybug and NYCarole who tweet senseless, stupid posts TO him night and day. Then, you have the fat, ugly ass cows like Daina Fullmer and Kim Powell who tweet the most obnoxious, sexually leading posts to him night and day. Some of Kim’s posts actually make me want to vomit.

    Did anyone catch it today when he tweeted something about a pointless business like a self serve dog grooming business? Then, he had to tweet later on that no matter what he says, he seems to ruffle feathers. WTF????? WHO gets upset about something like THAT? His fan land is seriously so fucked up. He has to just laugh sometimes and ask “What the hell did I get myself into?”

    • nonna-muss Says:

      His fans haunt him day and night. The man can’t have an opinion without the bitches freakin’ the f*ck out.

      Does Ladybug twitter? Who is she there? I’d love to check her tweets out. I can’t imagine what she’d have to say. The woman has no sense of humor, at all.

    • Sandy Says:

      Is the ladybug on twitter the same person as ladybug on DCU?

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