Wrasslin’ Sweaty Tards

Our lovely typical American Idol tard hunting for uppity skeleton bitches. I can’t wait for Mad Men to return. I almost tard for it. Less than two weeks now. I would advise any of you wasting your time watching Idol to make the switch to Mad Men, or Breaking Bad or any of the excellent original series popping up on cable networks these days.  Just don’t start tarding over Jon Hamm. Mmmkay?

How about that American Idol tour, huh? Canceled dates, lackluster performances and low low low attendance. This morning looking at the coverage of the AI concert in Central Park for ABC’s Good Morning America things look dismal for Lee Dewyse and pals. Three hundred people turned up.  Not very far away at Rockefeller Plaza thousands upon thousands have shown up to see Lady Gaga perform.

Somewhere in the offices of 19 Entertainment I’d bet there are confused and dismayed executives starting to realize that American Idol is done, over, kaput, dead on arrival.  Would love to be a fly on the wall at the next planning meeting in their office. I can smell the panic from here. I do feel sorry for Crystal “Pigpen” Bowersox and Casey James even though I feel pretty sure both of them are going to have musical careers post-Idol. The others including Dewyze? Not very likely. This is it for them.

Look for more AI tour dates to cancel. Looking at the seating charts at my own backyard arena only a tiny fraction of tickets  have sold and those are only the ones right up against the stage. 19E cannot afford to operate a huge tour machine at a loss.

Also I’ve been watching the outrage in the David Cook twitterverse this week. David attended a UFC event last week and was spotted sitting next to a beautiful woman. So the tards are speculating and twittered, spewing outrage and other nonsense about his next door seatmate when no one even knows if they were together or strangers.  In the minds of his fans David is not allowed to date or screw unless it’s one of them. So idiotically middle school. I hope he got laid.

Nary a word about him attending a violent sport like MMA. Which really makes me laugh. Whenever I am home and Sven is watching UFC I tease him that the only difference between gay porn and UFC is boxing trunks and lack of lube. Could be worse, he could be attending that fake wrestling crap shown on TBS. At least MMA is a real sport.

It’s also being reported that Clay Aiken has split up from his boyfriend due to some change of relationship status on MySpace.  Yawn. Are there still Clay Tards?

And the Adam Lambert juggernaut tour rolls on, selling out like I’m sure 19E wishes the AI tour would. It amuses me that his tards, the Sparkle Cows, are willing to stand in line for literally days to be the first ones to stampede through the cattle chute and be nearest to the stage for a show they are seeing again and again and again.

Isn’t it a bit like eating the same food for every meal for a month. At first it seems like heaven on earth, your favorite meal again and again but before the week is out you decide due to repetition that you hate and despise it now.

I don’t know how they can do that. Especially with the record heat wave we’ve been experiencing here on the East Coast where most of the recent venues have been. How can you wait all those hours in air officially declared to be hazardous to your health?  Not to mention lack of restrooms, hygiene challenges, sweating like a hog and the mind numbing boredom of waiting for hours.

One of the funniest things about the tour is the fact that the Sparkle Cows have seized upon the idea of waving glow sticks, blue glow sticks, around whenever  Adam sings the line from WWFM – ‘Thanks for loving me, you’re doing it perfectly.’ They are thinking that they are responding to his love for them and showing love back. Uh, Sparkle Cows, Adam didn’t write that line and it has nothing to do with any of you. Pink wrote it, she had none of you in mind and then Adam recorded it. If anything it’s probably a frightening reminder to Adam every time he sees glowing blue that he has the craziest most obsessional fan base of any American Idol contestant.

Oh, and old news. Constantine, The Greasy One, has managed to knock someone up.  Guess he switched from butt sex finally.

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6 Comments on “Wrasslin’ Sweaty Tards”

  1. Natasha Says:

    Add to your list the Phil Marshall concert at the Viper Room where Cooktards showed up because he was there. David cannot shake off the herds even on his days off when he is trying to enjoy himself with his friends and band members.

    • Sandy Says:

      I read that one of the fans flew across the country to attend the Phil Marshall show?!? Anyone know if that’s true? Seriously, would she do that just to see Phil? Or because she thought David might show up? She probably never heard of the guy before she found out he was a friend of David’s.

  2. freedavidcook Says:

    I wondered if they were going to show up at that show. Poor guy. Prolly they are staking out The Griddle Cake after he twittered that too. One day he’s going to snap and it’s not going to be pretty

    • Natasha Says:

      Just wait for Busch Gardens. Some are camping out for 2 days. So much for trying to gain new fans among families and the younger crowd. I don’t understand what possesses some of these people. They feel entitle to follow him and ask for the moon because they “supported him and got him to where he is at.” Scary shit.

  3. on the edge Says:

    Hope there aren’t any Cooktards in the Greensboro, Georgia area today…word has it he’s there for Carrie Underwood’s wedding. Farmbot does not need her wedding to be crashed (though I’d love to see some of Mike Fisher’s hockey buddies knock out some frau teeth…).

    • freedavidcook Says:

      Uh yeah, I wasn’t actually going to mention that because I work in an industry that had something to do with something or other in the wedding supplier industry and I heard from a retailer we supply in that area some gossip about that wedding and this weekend. If the stalkers tried to crash his brother’s funeral then you know they’re all over trying to crash some other Idol’s wedding.

      He needs to hire the Hells Angels to do security. I’m sure they’d feel no mercy for the fraus and put a stop to the stalking. Or else they’d bang all the fraus, and real sex for the first time since the Cretaceous era might actually shatter their obsession with Cook.

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