Archive for August 2010

How Many Licks Or Sniffs…

August 31, 2010

…did Adam Lambert take of the thong thrown at him?

It’s at the one minute mark. I’d recommend muting the sound. His in ear monitors aren’t helping Madam keep on key very well. Off the mark caterwauling. I’ve heard cats in heat make purtier sounds. If he only had a clue.

I’m just thankful it’s not granny panties skimmed off some sweating lusting Sparkle Cow from his herd. When I first heard of this I could see this huge piece of cotton knit fabric sailing onto the stage and covering Madam. Adam fighting to free himself in such a way that the Cows claim he’s sniffing the funky drawers.

That thong was too small to even be slipped around the thigh of your average Sparkle Cow. Who do they think he is anyway, Tom Jones? Getting panties tossed on stage is a Tom Jones thing, not Adam Lamberts. Start tossed used BVDs up there and I’m sure Adam would be more interested. That would be fun to watch.

Adam makes me laugh with his silly stage antics, high weird tweets and the super nova crazy of the Sparkle Cow herd. May this abomination of a tour never end!

Keep being the most self involved ridiculous Idol oh please Adam! I need my laughs.

Adam Lambert’s Sacred Sparkle Cows

August 20, 2010

So the baggage section of the bus must be full because Adam and pals have started a new contest. Whoever gives money to his pet charity Glam A Classroom through Donors Choose gets a chance to be chosen for a Meet and Greet.

Very smart of Adam. So smart of Adam I’m going to have to stop calling him ‘Madam’ and dub him ‘Farmer Adam’ for milking the Sparkle Cows of their money in a zeitgeist friendly way that benefits children. I’m sure by now that the teddy bears, scrapbooks, jewelry, belts, dolls, etc. have taken over the bus like so much idiotic glittery flotsam. Great charity he’s picked. Schools need all the help they can get these days. Clever, this is new way the Sparkle Cows can compete for Head Sparkle Cow status.

Lawd knows they’re all tweeting, pming and carrying on about the lady that was kissed/tongued by Adam up on stage a few days ago. The knifes of jealousy are already out for her and her Head Tard status. I feel sorry for the poor girl because while the Sparkle Cow herd is kissing her ass upfront you know behind the scenes they are all digging up dirt on her, gossiping about her and just generally being nasty jealous grasping bitches.

So I hope Farmer Adam manages to milk or bilk a lot of dough from these crazy women.

But I am curious to know if Adam is going to pony up with a real meet and greet or will he downgrade the prize to a Skype call instead. That’s what he did the last time someone won a charity challenge in his name at Donors Choose.

This should be interesting to watch the complaining and infighting. I’m going to make some popcorn, pull on my astronaut diapers and get a case of beer for the viewing party.

As always sent your hate mail to me at ithrowhissyfits(at)gmail(dot)com.

Mr Bigglesworth Is Pissed Off!

August 19, 2010

So someone on Adam Lambert’s management team decided that a Glamest Fan contest was another way to bolster up Madam’s career earlier this week. Or at least better than all those leftover CDs for “For Your Entertainment” lounging around in the markdown sales bin at Rite Aid and Walgreens.

They announced this:

Exciting news Glamberts! Adam Lambert is happy to announce his very special “Glam-Up Contest” for all of Adam’s fans on Twitter! If you’re just getting onto Twitter, this is a perfect way to get your feet wet with the fun social network.

So how does the contest work? It’s pretty simple. If you’re not already signed up on Twitter, log on and create an account (it’s free!). Once you have an account, head on over to Adam Lambert’s Official Twitter Page and be sure you’re “following” Adam. Adam’s asking all of his fans to “Glam-Up” in honor of his Glam Nation Tour. So get your glitter, makeup and awesome outfits together and send Adam a photo of your Glamed-up self on Twitter. Tweet the photo to @adamlambert and you’ll be included in the contest. Be sure to include the hashtag “#glamphoto” so we can get the contest to trend on Twitter!

One Grand Prize Winner will receive a special, autographed surprise item, signed by Adam Lambert. Adam will also be personally selecting the winners himself – so the more amazing photos you take, the more chances you have at winning. The contest ends on September 15th, 2010. Hurry up and Enter today!

They really ought to call it “The gLamest Fan” instead based upon the photos I’ve seen so far. It’s like Christmas/Hannukah/Kwaanza/Festofus came very early this year and deposited some comical lumps of glitter in our stockings.

I have to say though I am love, love, loving all the tranny pictures. Trannies rock! They are a million times fiercer than the old straight ladies trying too hard to be glam. What is glam anyway? Buried in glitter and bad eyeliner? More makeup than a fleet of Tammy Faye Bakker trannies?

There’s lots of images of teenagers dressed in various stages of glam, which is okay, because teenagers are into doing super embarrassing stuff they’ll regret later. Plus it’s totally normal to tard over a celeb when you are young. I myself believed back in the stone ages of my teenybopper hood that one day I would marry Donny Osmond, slept on a pillowcase with his image on it and only wore purple. It was a phase, it passed. So shall it will for these gals.

The ones that make me hoot with laughter are the highly inappropriate ones, like granny in fishnet stockings with her fat gut hanging over the garter belt. Or some fool dying her four year olds hair red and black and dressing her up like a kinderwhore ready to compete in kids beauty pageants. Exploiting your kid is never a good idea.

When is it ever appropriate to take a 4 year old to a concert filled with suggestive songs and scantily claddish old skank? Like never.

But the winning entry I’ve seen so far is pure genius. I’d love to see how many scratches the woman who applied eyeliner to a cat got. Bet she looks like she tangled with a woodchipper.

For your daily dose of the Glamboree you can see the photos here

As usual direct all hate emails to me at ithrowhissyfits(@)gmail(.)com

You Can’t Kill Yourself With Unisom!

August 10, 2010

So it came out yesterday in several media outlets that Fantasia tried to kill herself using ‘aspirin and a sleep aid’

As sad as it is that she tried to off herself with drugs it’s almost comical that she tried to use aspirin and something like Unisom. Ain’t gonna happen. You’ll just wake up the next day feeling super foolish. Reminds me of the time the Reagan admin I cannot remember the name of tried to kill himself with a handful of Valium 2 mg. He would have had to swallowed a box car full of the things to even cop a buzz much less lure in the Grim Reaper. People, people, if you are trying to navigate a successful final exit from the building at least do a little research on what works unless you like bitter tears and regret the next morning.

Hope the poor gal gets some treatment. Suicide sucks, unsuccessful or not.

David Cook Uncensored – Ignoring The Facts Again

August 10, 2010

Late last night Sandy posted this comment about the recent happenings over at David Cook Uncensored – or as I refer to it David Cooktards Unhinged.

It sure has been slooooow lately at DCU. Members have become fed up with Holly/MaryAnn’s silly sockpuppet games and are jumping ship. This is just making her more and more desperate and she and her sockpuppets have been trying to pull rumors out of thin air to stir up interest in the board again. First there was the short video posted by David’s bandmate, Andy, which showed a blond woman at the table. Almost everyone thinks it looks like David’s manager but Holly and her sockpuppets keep insisting it looks like another cute, young blond who David MUST be secretly dating because he isn’t sitting next to her.

Then Holly pulls out an old photo and tries to tell the members that it was taken at a secret “private party” in the Philippines and tries to start a rumor about the mysterious brunette in the background. But several members recognized the picture as coming from a Skechers photoshoot and try to tell her the brunette is just a model. Holly still insists her Philippine source says it was taken there until one of the members posts a photo from the same photoshoot with the same brunette model in the background that was used in advertisements.

Next Holly posts another old photo taken in a bar that has some random blond in the background and tries to tell the members that it is Katelyn Epperly who was with David that night. Of course the blond girl looks nothing like Katelyn and it doesn’t even look like she is with David. And the photo was taken a full year before Katelyn even apppeared on Idol so it is highly unlikey she would have even met David then. But little details like that aren’t important to Holly when it comes to starting rumors.

Now, apparently someone on twitter tried to warn the cute, young blond(who Holly insisted was in Andy’s video) about Holly’s rumor-mongering and boy is Holly irate. She is threatening to ban members right and left if they do not post within a prescribed amount of time and has enlisted her gang of sockpuppets to root out the lurking traitors on the board while she “goes out to dinner.” Of course by now just about anyone with half a brain could figure out who the sockpuppets are. It’s just that obvious. What an idiot she is!

I had seen all of this over at Mary Ann Sockpuppet’s place and heard people discussing on other boards how she’s really grappling for the flimsiest of possibilities to tout as facts. Was just getting around to posting about Holly/MaryAnn inventing lovers and one night stands for Cook.

This is Mary Ann Sockpuppet’s personal modem operandi. Things get slow and dull in Baldyland and she invents a scandal, a love affair, a rumor and all her sockpuppets chime in on the matter. The difference is now most people are aware it’s a pack of lies without a shred of evidence or truth. It’s damn pathetic.

How does she do it? It’s simple. Example. Recent photo of David Cook from Busch Gardens Williamsburg.

If I were Holly/MaryAnn Sockpuppets I’d say he was balling that fat middle aged lady in the seat right next to the one it looks like he just emerged from. I’d give her an exotic modelesque name, perhaps lift a profile or two from Model Mayhem or some other modeling site. Or perhaps say he’s having nasty three ways with the he/she and super bald guy in the background. Give them D list celeb names and invent some sleazy story, sell it to the tabloids while getting the sockpuppets to chime in about how ‘disgusting’ he is.

He looks like all the frau avoidance maneuvers have left him aged now. Almost haggard looking. Perhaps it’s just the heat.

First American Idol Sex Tape!

August 7, 2010

Ladies and Gents we have our first AI contestant sex tape and nope, I’m not talking about whatever it was Frenchie was doing that disqualified her from the contest.

I expected this with gleeful anticipatory schadenfreude for a long time now. I just never thought it would be this Idol.

Top contender in the Idol sex tape was Constantine Maroulis, walking oral fungus of the greasy hair, tic tac dick, discriminatory fucking of various wenches and possible STD carrier. Only thing is I’m not sure one itty bitty tape or DVD could contain his over-inflated head. His ego would leave no room for Mini Maroulis aka Tic Tac Dick.

Or some very fuzzy camera phone video of some young buck, like Lambert or whoever, getting some chemically inebriated action while being secretly recorded. But not this…

According to Gossip Cop it’s Fantasia that’s on the verge of having her sex tape outed. Apparently the married man she’s knocking boots with is so exceptionally skilled in the bedroom arts she feels the need to record it all. You go girl, that’s bound to be the good good stuff.

Unfortunately this guy’s wife knows about the sex tapes and has referenced them in the divorce proceedings. Not so good.

So how did Baldy do tonight? He’s tweeting about Arnold Palmer’s for dehydration. Doesn’t the dumbass realize you have to drink water out in the summertime?

Anyone there care to tell me what went down with the Busch Gardens show? I could use a recap for this joint. Contact me at ithrowhissyfits(at)gmail(dot)com

Buubuububuuubaldy And The Jets

August 6, 2010

Or lack of jets. According to the tweets of Andy Skib and Baldy they are stuck in some gawd forsaken airport because of a canceled flight. I’m guessing Cincy or Detroit from the looks of the airport pictures being tweeted. Looks like Cincy to me. If they are not up in the air by now they’re prolly stuck till tomorrow. These smaller airports roll up the carpets and stop accepting flights before midnight. Biggest airport near W’burg is Richmond Intl. which still isn’t exactly what you’d call big.

Guess that kills any hope David had of playing golf tomorrow. He’ll be traveling to Busch Gardens Williamsburg.

Here’s hoping all the FucBunnies and tards make fools of themselves publicly and the photos and tales circulate around. I await with baited breath.

I’m sure pizza screamer – scam book maker Daina will be there with bells on and a newer scheme. How about Kimberly, the stalker that moved to Hell Lay just to be closer to Baldy & Co? Pink Bunny Ears anyone?