Archive for September 2010

Attention David Cooktards!

September 30, 2010

You guys are falling down upon the job of tarding. Adam ‘Madam’ Lambert’s Sparkle Cows are talking about raising the money to buy Madam his dream car, a Maserati. David ‘Baldy’ Cook twittered his dream car the other night. The Batmobile. Specifically the 1966 Batmobile. Says it’s on his Xmas list.

I may cry this is so beautiful. Mom, this is officially on my Xmas list.

So… why aren’t you guys trying to hold bake sales, raffles and contributions for Baldy to have this in his Christmas stocking? You’re letting another Tard pack out-tard you guys! Where’s Mary Ann when you need her?

Actually this sounds like old Baldy is poking fun at Madam and the Sparkle Cows. I doubt he wants his tards to buy him a Batmobile. But it would be funny if they did.

Unrest In Herd-Ville

September 30, 2010

The fall brings not only that season’s Idol fans waking up from the summer of following the Idol tour around the country and resuming real life and the leafs falling from trees. It always brings division in the ranks of the season before last Idol winner fans. Which happens to be Adam Lambert.

We’ve seen this in all fandoms from Clay Aiken to David Cook. The buzz has faded from the freshman album, the tour is over and the tin-plated hero manufactured by 19E has retreated to his lair to spend his money/record a sophomore effect/wank/whatever. While the Idol is holed up doing gawd knows what there’s no news, de nada, nothing, not a single iota to dissect or obsess over. That’s the point where the fans start to turn on each other and it turns into a stupid internet blood bath. People that swore they were true sisters and bff start quarreling and out each other’s more outre behaviors in relation to the Idol.

It’s happening right now among Madam’s Sparkle Cow herd. A couple of cows are pretending they have sooper seecret insider information about where Madam is vacationing right now. Which is utter bullshit. Fantards love to pretend they have insider information on the Idol and dangle hints of it in front of the others in an attempt to be Alpha Tard.

Some of the smarter ones in the Herd are calling bullsh*t on the sooper seecret ones and the fighting begins. There is some talk of stalking Madam on vacation and some accusations of inappropriateness and stalking going on.

This is just the tip of the nasty glitter-encrusted iceberg. It’s going to get worse as time goes by and there’s no Madam news in the media and Madam is far away on his world tour. Meltdown in 3….. 2…… 1!

At least it will be amusing to watch.

Unisom Suicide

September 28, 2010

A serious post for once. A response to the overwhelming tide of Google searches of people ending up here searching for information on how to kill themselves with Unisom and other over the counter sleep aids.

I giggled over Fantasia’s suicide attempt with aspirin and Unisom, which was pretty mean in retrospect. It’s not like she’s a Sparkle Cow. But my amusement was with my belief that anyone really serious about ending it all wouldn’t dare go with over the counter drugs. According to the Google searches and hit numbers I’ve been extremely ignorant and wrong. People do try to kill themselves with over the counter sleep aids.

Unisom can kill you, in pretty horrid ways. The main ingredient in most over the counter sleep aids is the same thing as Diphenhydramine or Benadryl, which while is an awesome way to get your allergies to stop making you crazy and with the bonus affect of making you sleep it can kill you. Not an instantanious death either, a lingering death by kidney failure usually. Overdose of OTC sleep meds can cause Rhabdomyolysis that trashes your muscles, your heart and kidneys.

Kidney failure is an agonizing way to die. You don’t just drift off on a druggy cloud, it’s painful and awful. I watched my husband Sven suffer from kidney failure from a kidney stone in his lone kidney back this spring and I wouldn’t wish the pain he went through even on the craziest Sparkle Cow or stalker. Morphine isn’t the greatest of helps then. Thankfully they reversed Sven’s kidney failure but he hadn’t tried to kill himself, it was a blockage killing the kidney. But with drug damage, like via Unisom, that’s not always possible to save the kidney or the affected muscles.

Look, I know life sucks sometimes and things are tough, sometimes ending it all seems like a reasonable solution but that too will pass. There’s nothing or no one worth killing yourself over in this world or the next. You’ll just leave a trail of heartbroken people, increasing the risk that they’ll do the same thing.

If you’re seriously thinking about killing yourself please tell someone, a friend, a medical professional, your pastor or rabbi. Just don’t do it! Life is infinitely worth living and the dark clouds don’t last forever. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel and it’s not an oncoming train.

Call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or contact Hopeline.

Please, please get help!

The Agony Of De Feet

September 27, 2010

Enough about Adam and his mooing herds. Time to poke fun at one of the ugliest feet tattoos I’ve ever viewed.

Remember Daina the Pizza Screamer Tard? Screeching into David Baldy Cook’s mike that she loved pizza? Her of the thinning hair and portly physique? The tard that took every other tards Baldy photos, had them bound in hard cover books and then charged nearly a hundred smackers apiece selling those books of their own photos back to the Cooktards? Yeah, her.

She has a new tattoo and for once I’m agreeing with Mary Ann/Holly Sockpuppets about tattoos. It’s ughly, it’s fughly, it’s a do not want.

Cast your gaze upon it and tell me it doesn’t make you think about biker bars and athlete foot fungus tv ads.

Black nail polish adorning those hoofs and all. Apparently this is some crappy lyrics written by Baldy or Andy Skib on the tops of her feet. I keep picturing those hoofs crammed into too tight pumps with the tattoos bulging upward like tacky bloated pillows.

This is still not going to help her in her quest to bang Baldy and crew.

Oh Brother, Can You Spare..

September 26, 2010

…a Maserati?

Turns out that the birthday of Adam Lambert is upcoming and his Sparkle Cows at Adam Official have come up with a special birthday present for him. The Herd wants to give him a brand spanking new Maserati.

It doesn’t seem to matter to them that he’s publicly asked them not to keep giving him gifts. Adam long ago asked them to give whatever they would spend on a gift to Donors Choose to the worthy cause of the Arts in the classrooms. Kids benefit from his request, which is a great idea in this time when many school districts are strapped for cash to operate.

So the Sparkle Cows are going to completely ignore Adam’s request and collect money for this 100K car.

One of them commented that since Farmer Adam has 600K followers on Twitter if they could only get everyone to donate a buck then there would be plenty for the car, insurance and gas cards or the excess could go to Donors Choose. But that’s some pretty flawed reasoning. Nearly everyone’s Twitters are clogged with either porn bots or commercial enterprise bots as followers. Add in media and people like me that follow just so that they can point and laugh and you have a large block of folks who would never kick in a buck. My guess is that there’s going to be only a small fraction of the 600K to give.

Even if everyone gave and the ignoring Adam’s request was cool, who in the fandom would be spearheading the collection of the money? This has a huge potential for rip off, like the Jason Castro Towelgate and other supposed collections for charity for various Idols ending in the Head Money Collecting Tard keeping the dough.

But you Sparkle Cows keep on with the car birthday present idea please. The beginning of the in fighting in making those of us on the outside of the pasture laugh our asses off. This is going to be epic before it’s over. Cluster-f potential is enormous!

Get Kerry Kolsch to kick in her profits from her Madam related book.

Oh Brother!

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September 24, 2010

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Sand Vagina

September 23, 2010

Sand-Gina, Sand Gina…. gonna set this place on fi-ya!