Archive for December 2010

Dear Santa

December 21, 2010

I’m not going to comment on the Tulsa thing except to say it happened and it happened about like many of us here speculate. Cook was a no show it sounds like. Andy and Neal had to stare out into a sea of the usual faces.

One of Adam Lambert’s backup dancers, Sasha Mallory, is auctioning off his mask and cane used in the Glamnation tour to raise money for a sick relative. Normally I would never encourage fantarding but…. it’s a good cause. Check it out at Ebay.

At another board I’m a member of we played an interesting game called “Dear Santa” as in what would you like Santa to gift to people this year. I think it would be fun in honor of the holidays to list what we’d like our favorite/least favorite Idols to receive. Here’s my list.

Lee DeWyse – A return to his true talent. Working at the paint store.
Crystal Bowersox – Huge sales numbers for her new CD.
Sanjaya – Never to grace our television sets again except for a turn on Dr. Drew’s ‘Celebrity Rehab’
Jason Castro – To join Sanjaya in ‘Celebrity Rehab’
Big Mike – His own show on the Food Network called “Late Night Sandwich”
Danny Gokey – To be banned for life from ever recording another Christmas CD
Casey James – A fabulous first CD and conditioner, lots and lots of conditioner.
Chris Sligh – A membership to Golds Gym and more kids
Clay Aiken – Lumps of coal
Melinda Doolittle – A great career in the Christian music field
Taylor Hicks – A job that is a little better than singing one song in an all over the hinterlands review
Ruben Studdard – A big old sandwich (and a job)
Adam Lambert – Not going to touch that one with a ten foot pole, I don’t know what to wish upon him. Saner fans?
David Cook – Freedom to do as he pleases
David Archuletta – Someone worth kissing
Fantasia – That she stay far far away from over the counter drugs.
American Idol – To die a swift death this year as the ratings plummet. It’s jumped the snark, err, shark

Most of all I wish for peace on earth and joy for everyone (except for Gokey..ugh, shudder)

What do you think Santa should bring.

Happy Slappy

December 17, 2010

Oh Jeez I am slipping! How could I have forgotten it’s going to be Cook’s birthday in 3 days. The Word Nerds have set up an online birthday card for him, complete with photos of themselves, etc. Enjoy.

Blue Christmas

December 17, 2010

Looks like a Blue Christmas for the David Cook Tards. Sure, Tulsa is all happening but so far he is a no-show. According to the few I’ve talked to there’s been either no David or David in deep deep disguise that no one recognizes. I had a feeling all along he was going to be nowhere near Tulsa.

But the usual suspects are there, including Coolshades of the Skib tattoo that looks like a bruise and her ability to eat ten tacos at a time (so I’ve been told) along with Daina and her hooves tattooed with Cook lyrics and the others of their freakish cult. I’m sure the hotels and restaurants of Tulsa will benefit by their largess. So some good will come of it, it’s not all Cook-Stalking but stimulating the local economy. Anyone care to guess how many dollars one of these Cookards is going to drop on the slim hope of seeing Cook?

(Edited to ad: Conflicting reports on Daina’s presence. I have heard she is there and she isn’t. Big whoop. I’m sure she wants to be there either way)

Poor Andy Skib.

For the sprinkles on the Christmas cake of nasty fandom I hear that some (most) of the fans are upset by Cook’s holiday message he posted at Cook Official. Now why are they upset to be wished ‘Happy Holidays’ and thanked for their support? It’s actually very nice for all it’s brevity. Because they think it sounds like Cook will not be around or back at the site until the New Year. Now heaven forfend, they might actually have to go two or three WHOLE WEEKS before there is any Cook news! I’m sure they’ll wither away and die without any scrap of gossip or news to chew on and keep the flame alive till the New Year. Not.

I did get a kick out of Cook’s picture on the bottom of the site. He’s on the famous Abbey Road in London. Too bad he didn’t let his merry band of crazy followers know when he’d be there because there is a webcam at Abbey Road anyone can access. I used to use Abbey Road as my fake money exchange location back when I was a Nigerian Scam Baiter. Nothing funnier than seeing some confused looking Africans carrying a briefcase wandering on the crossing while you’re thousands of miles away chuckling over them falling for you setting them up. If David had announced it could have tied up Abbey Road cam for ages and left them all scanning all the public cams (Edited to add apparently he did tell the fans. Bully for him.)

Not sure how many updates there will be here till the New Year because, well, it’s that time of the year. Busy, busy. I’d like to take this opportunity to say Merry Christmas, Happy Eid, Kwaanza, Festivus For The Rest Of Us, or whatever holiday you celebrate. Yes, even you crazies I wish you peace, joy and love (can you tell I’ve had too much eggnog?). Here’s hoping we have lots of stupid things to talk about in the New Year.

Mama Sox Tangles With Cooktards

December 13, 2010

One of the few bright spots for me personally in season 10 was the appearance of Crystal Bowersox, a gal that didn’t exactly fit into ‘Idol’s pretty little box. She’s got a CD coming out very soon, like this Tuesday and she spoke to USA Today about the challenges of writing your own music.

Nice article, don’t you think? I thought so.

But apparently I’m not looking through the strange colored lenses the David Cook Tards are using because they, the super crazy Twitter-stalking freaks, took exception to what Mama Sox said. They actually think it’s a slam on David and have been ripping into Crystal with the fury only the horny and crazed hold.

I rolled my eyes when I heard because this is just so expected of them. When the Lee Dewyse Tards joined in I had to really go what the heck because she never even mentioned him at all. What next? The Sparkle Cows stampeding over the article? Claymates losing it on Mama Sox?

The bad thing is that poor Crystal does not have a clue what type of bat crap insano delusional women she’s dealing with and she’s been tweeting them back. Want to see something funny? Check out her time line of tweets. It’s all Cook’s most crazed uberfans, you know the ones, the ones that fly across the country to get ‘face time’ at charity events and push cripples and little kids out of the way at the stage front, the ones that tweet him a hundred times at hour at Dave and pals.

Whenever I hear that ‘Face Time’ I think of the Rock of Love parody from SNL with Rodeo-alike Peyton shouting about ‘Face Time’. I think the Rock of Love gals had better manners, wardrobes and weaves than the Cooktards.

It’s gotten ugly a few times too for Mama Sox dealing with the Cooktards. Sweetie, don’t fight with those gals, they will only try to drag you down. They’ll never buy your CD either because you don’t have a penis for them to obsess over. They never fantard over the female contestants.

Remember, don’t fight with them and please ignore them. They don’t matter a hill of farty beans in the scheme of things.

Hope her new CD outsells DeWyse.

ETA: And the usual gang of suspects have once again edited out their tweets to Crystal. Typical cowardly bs. They always do that when called out on bad behavior. Someone I know has screencaps…

Question

December 10, 2010

While everyone’s been enjoying the spectacle of in fighting of the worst of the David Cooktards a question has been plaguing me.

Here it is.

What do you think will happen in the ranks of the seasoned Fraus if David’s sophomore CD takes another year to come out or if it comes out with music that they dislike? What will the fall out look like?

Liz Lambert – Faux Cancer Adam Lambert Fan & Others

December 9, 2010

I’ve been watching the LizLambert scandal brewing over at various Adam Lambert boards and on Twitter. I’m shocked and not shocked at the same time that someone would willingly pretend to have terminal cancer to catch the attention of the headliner.

Apparently Liz’s goal was to get Adam and his band members to Twitter her. She accomplished this before being busted as a faker. Reprehensible on all levels. For once I am in agreement with the Sparkle Cows. (Is Satan ice skating yet?) Pretending to have a terminal illness to gain the attention of others is a truly horrible thing to do. She obviously has only a limited idea of what being a cancer patient is like. From this cancer survivor married to another cancer survivor this pretending of hers to get a Tweet from Adam is disgusting, but not surprising.

In all fandoms of American Idol there are those in every season that fake serious illnesses to garner attention of the fans and the headliner. It usually ends with the faker outed and pretending that what they did wasn’t so bad, fomenting different ridiculous excuses why this was okay.

Psychiatrists have a term from this sick fakery. It’s called Munchausens By Internet.

You remember Baron Munchausen don’t you? He told tall tales of derring do. Among his claims is that he pulled himself up from sinking in a swamp by his own hair, that he traveled to the Moon and that he rode cannonballs in battle. He was a witty man known for recounting highly embroidered adventures that could in no way be true. Fantastical tales and the reason that Munchausen’s Syndrome is named after him.

Dr Feldman believes that Munchausen’s is driven by “longing for nurturing, sympathy, care and concern that they feel unable to get in appropriate ways,” Perhaps but it doesn’t explain or account for the damage done by the perpetrator, who is rarely remorseful.

Feldman also created a list of common Munchausen’s By Internet tip-offs. I am reposting them here so that those in all fandoms can be informed.

* Medical literature from websites or textbooks is often duplicated or discussed in great detail.
* The length and severity of purported physical ailments conflicts with user behavior. Feldman uses the example of someone posting in considerable detail about being in septic shock, when such a possibility is extremely unlikely.
* Symptoms of ailments may be exaggerated as they correspond to a user’s misunderstanding of the nature of an illness.
* Grave situations and increasingly critical prognoses are interspersed with “miraculous” recoveries.
* A user’s posts eventually reveal contradictory information or claims that are implausible: for example, other users of a forum may find that a user has been divulging contradictory information about occurrence or length of hospital visits.
* When attention and sympathy decreases to focus on other members of the group, a user may announce that other dire events have transpired, including the illness or death of a close family member.
* When faced with insufficient expressions of attention or sympathy, a forum member claims this as a cause that symptoms worsen or do not improve.
* A user resists contact beyond the Internet, by telephone or personal visit, often claiming bizarre reasons for not being able to accept such contact.
* Further emergencies are described with inappropriate happiness, designed to garner immediate reactions.
* Other forum members post on behalf of a user, exhibiting identical writing styles, spelling errors, and language idiosyncrasies, suggesting that the user has created fictitious identities to move the conversation in their direction.

Dr Feldman neglected to mention the worst case of Munchausens By Internet I’ve ever seen. No, it’s not Kaycee Nicole. It’s the online activities of one Lori Anne Dennick, or as she insists on being called L. Anne Carrington. Right now L. Anne is pushing a horribly written and partially plagiarized ‘novel’ around on various vanity publishing sites. She’s claiming that she’s on the verge of publishing this book. It was available on Barnes and Noble website as an ‘E Book’ recently before being removed. It’s up on Amazon. This book has been up in pieces for free on Authonomy and other book sites for over a year now.

She’s complaining about the time it’s taken to get this out and edited even if it’s only been a few short months since she started claiming to have a publisher. She has no clear idea obviously about how the real publishing process normal works, just like all the other times she’s claimed various things that were easily provable otherwise. I’m not going to go over the laundry list of her lies – they are available over at lannecarringtonbook.com

Anyone serious about their work usually starts by obtaining a literary agent. Which in itself can take quite a while. You contact the agent and if they are interested they will ask for a few short examples of your work. At that point they sometimes ask for a few beginning chapters or sometimes the entire manuscript. Just this process can take months to accomplish.

If you’re one of the lucky few they’ll agree to represent you and start working on selling your book to a publisher. More delays of many months.

Once a publishing house buys your work then you are assigned an editor and the rounds of revisions start. You edit, they edit, usually multiple times. It is unheard of for a book not to be relentlessly edited. The galley proofs are issued to you and the editor and you both had to go over it one last time before it goes to press. The entire process can take more than a year.

Of course, all of this is assuming that you have a literary agent. If you don’t have one then tack on another 6 months or a year as your unsolicited manuscript sits in a slush pile waiting for some flunky to read and send you a rejection letter. You MUST get a literary agent to be taken seriously in the publishing world unless you’re a celebrity.

Which means all of Lori Anne Dennick’s raving about her book is only slightly more real than LizLambert’s cancer.

Keep your eyes open for these irritating Munchausen By Internet perpetrators. Not even the Glamberts deserve them.

ETA: L. Anne Carrington is claiming mere hours after having been exposed as a fraud yet again that she now has a literary agent. This is the most bassackwards publishing of a book I’ve ever heard of. More like the desperate elaborations of a bad liar.

Everybody Was Tard-Fighting…

December 3, 2010

Looks like one of David Cook’s fans has been calling out other fans, both on Twitter and on her blog – AnodyneJunkie. The really interesting bit is here

I would applaud her calling them out but she’s also one of the Grinches stealing Xmas that are flying out to Tulsa to see To Have Heros, which puts her in stalkerville with the other Baldyfrau. This is one of those times I’d like to be wrong because she does have a good idea that a lot of what goes on with the various gals is just plain old crazy over the top.

I’m sure it’s causing mass meltdown in Cooktardia Land. Like just about everything does as it’s endlessly dissected and discussed. When there’s nothing going on with the artist the over the top nutball fans turn on each other.

Except, of course, if you are a DeWyser. I saw a very negative article the other night about how Lee DeWyse is the biggest commercial failure in the pantheon of Idol winners. The article went on to say that 19E is now plowing all their promotion monies (payola) in propping up He Who May Not Be Mentioned. They might have a point because he did get a Glammy, ooops, Granny, ooops, Grammy nomination. I like his song, I’m just not sure it’s Grammy-worthy.

Well, back to Lee DeWyse. Instead of the flood of fan defense and insanity that accompanies most any article that suggests that perhaps the Idol isn’t Jesus’ Second Coming there was just one solo defensive ‘jellus hateraide’ posting behind the article. I wish I had bookmarked it as it was comic gold. One tard? Seriously? That’s all who’s defending him internet-wide?

My understanding of the Grammy nomination is that it’s creating infighting among the Clay Aiken fans. They are UPSET that Clay garnered no Grammy nom noms. They’ve been taking some creative swings at the Herd That May Not Be Mentioned. Reminds me of a soccer riot video featured the other night on ‘World’s Dumbest’ and I’m sure the Claylene followers will run away bleeding and crying like the other team did.

I’m actually excited for the Grammys this year. I loves me some Cee Lo Green, some Eminem and some Pink! I want to see Cee Lo perform ‘F**k You’ on national television!

And the word is that American Idol execs are going to allow internet voting this year. Remains to be seen if that’s going to create more conspiracy theory drama or not. It could make the fandoms even more of a laugh riot!

Santa’s already been good to me this year..