Archive for January 2011

American Idol Phone Call

January 28, 2011

I don’t know about everyone else but I just cannot watch Idol this year. Between the regional stereotyping, fame whoring via the seriously disabled, Steven Tyler drooling on each underage girl and a ton of rather mediocre talent I think I’d prefer to do something more fun. Like, say wash my car or shovel the snow or clean the cat box.

But looking through Liquid Generation for a certain cartoon to forward to a friend I found this gem. It’s too good not to share. Ever wonder what a phone call between Sanjaya Malakar (on VFTW radio last night), David Archuletta and David Cook might look and sound like? Like this?

American Idol Season Ten

January 20, 2011

Soooo what did everyone think of last night?

According to The Huffington Post there were 13 percent less viewers than last year. Big surprise. The shark has been jumped last year. I don’t think any amount of pithy colorfully vulgar sayings by Steven Tyler or fake sympathies by J Lo are going to help.

I’m not going to recap it because there are tons of brilliant recaps out there including the one at Top Idol by the ever lovely Melinda Green. I hope you got to see her on MTV’s post-Idol wrap-up show last night? I’m going to just throw out a few impressions of stuff that stood out to me.

– Randy Jackson can speak whole sentences and express logical thoughts. I like this Randy better.
– J Lo wasn’t as bad as I thought she would be. However, as the season drags on I hope she reverts to form. If not it’s going to be one boring long season.
– Was it really necessary to have Greasy McSkeevy Constantine Maroulis open the show for his millisecond of fame whoring?
– Thankfully Steven Tyler hasn’t had any extreme real recent tucks and plumpings. His last few plastic surgeries left the dude looking like a lady-dude. But I don’t see how it’s possible for him to make it through the season without resorting to chemicals. Doing that weekly would sure make me drink like Prohibition is right around the corner and I had a still to finish off.
– Contestants, sort of boring and tended to blend one into the other with the exception of the silly little girl from the Carolinas.
– Same old same old. Whatever happened to shaking things up?

We watched as a family, all four of us, because we love watching the bad auditions. My daughter Laura and I made special cookies for the viewing fun. J Los.

J Lo Cookies (just modified Chocolate Chip recipe. I’d post a picture but I couldn’t find my camera last night)

1 stick butter
3/4 cup brown sugar
3/4 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon butternut flavoring
2 2/3 cup flour or for a gluten free cookie use a mixture of almond flour and superfine brown rice flour.
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper (your choice)
1/2 cinnamon
1 bag gourmet chocolate chips, some high end brand like Girardelli whatever a rich bitch would use.
1 cup nuts, your choice. We used walnuts.

Beat sugars and butter together until light and fluffy. Add eggs, vanilla and butternut and mix well. Add all the dry ingredients and mix well until the consistency of chocolate chip cookie dough. Add chips and nuts. Taking your two tablespoons drop two rounded spoonfuls side by side so that as the cookies bake you have two round ass cheeks as one cookie. Bake at 350 degrees until they are as brown as J Lo’s ass. Enjoy.

Remember! Wait for her ass to cool before taking a big bite. They go well with bland white milk.

Tonight’s Idol is from my home town of New Orleans, Louisiana. Ahhh, Nawlins in mid summer sweat, hotter than hot, humidity stuck on stupid high. Tourists fainting left and right in the heat and Idol wanna bes cooking in the summer sun. Between the heat factor, drunkenness, weirdness of the city and the local wackos there should be more fun in tonight’s episode. Bring on Chipcoon! Team Coonass!

American Idol – It Begins Again

January 18, 2011

You know I promised myself I was not going to watch Idol this year at all. I barely watched last year but this year it was going to be not on my viewing schedule. But then it happened, I got sucked back in.

One of my other New Years Resolutions was that I would be kinder when I posted online. I’d gotten bored with frau crazy and hadn’t planned on posting here much at all. This changes everything. Being nice is overrated anyhoo and my family is already aware of my big old meanie-dom.

Once word came out that one of the contestants was going to be a Lafayette Louisiana Coonass by the name of Jacee Chipcoon Badeaux I knew it was useless for me to even try. I am a Coonass and am related to most of the other Coonasses in South Louisiana. I must support young Jacee and be on Team Coonass. Jacee all the way.

But I will not tard. That’s not going to stop others though. The ever sexy, talented, funny and wonderful Dr. Lulzington even did his own anticipatory to American Idol and new tarding tribute today. Any males that have made it to American Idol need to watch this and be prewarned or face the fates of David Cook, Adam Lambert, Clay Aiken and that…that… gray haired squirrely looking one.. can’t remember his name… Taylor something. Hicks? I don’t know. Having a menopause moment here.

Bring on the new frau bait!

Divine Punishment of Arkansas?

January 4, 2011

We all know that The Glittery One’s most unusual defender/conspiracy theorist Kerry Kolsch has no love for Arkansas due to her belief that there was a state-wide conspiracy to give local hero Kris Allen the win above all else. We’ve all heard Kerry rant, rave and wear her tin foil hat while screaming about Arkansas and Chic-Fil-La. But what does God have against Arkansas to open such a huge can of whoop-ass against the residents?

I was traveling back from Louisiana when I heard that first freak winter tornadoes had laid waste to swaths of the Arkanian countryside, killing folks and upwards of 50,000 poor chickens. This was quickly followed by blackbirds by the thousands falling dead from the sky and fish going belly up. No one knows why any of this is unfolding in a matter of hours in Kris Allen’s home state but it’s freaking me out. Now it’s starting to happen in my home state of Louisiana.

Did Kerry get a Voodoyenne to put a curse on all of Arkansas for conspiring with AT&T, Chic Fil La and a cast of others to make sure Adam Lambert didn’t win? I like to read various conspiracy theories for fun but I’ve always thought hers was a bit too out there. It’s just a tv contest, not the fate of the world hanging in the balance.

Yes, yes, Kerry, We’ll crown your Idol king if you just call off the Silence Of The Chickens curse. Purty please?