Archive for April 2011

Happy Easter

April 23, 2011

The Easter Bunny came during the week for me and provided me with many things to giggle over that were Idol-related.

Doings In Cooktard Land:

Got wind of a conspiracy theory afloat over at Mary Ann/Holly Sockpuppet’s lair, David Cook Uncensored. Apparently she and her sockpuppets believe that because Cook’s new single, “The Last Goodbuy,..errr, Goodbye” being released on Tuesday and that being the same day that Kimberly Caldwell’s CD was released it must mean that Kimmy and Hair Plugs are doing the nasty. Still. She’s even deluded enough to think that they actually had something to do with making the record companies release these on the same day because they are supposedly playing hide the salami.

Yeah, sure, right, like record companies and it’s execs are at the whim and mercy of former American Idol types instead of the truth, completely opposite. You’d think someone that has bragged a capacious buttload about working for Sony would understand how the music industry works. Nope, she’s just only focusing on who David Cook might be tooling.

But that is a conspiracy theory that might give Kerry Kolsch a run for her money. Hey Kerry, I heard that Kris Allen sweating up a storm in some southern city this past summer. I guess that means in your world that Kris is guilty of something.

This was followed by a visibly nervous David “Hairplugs” Cook performing his newest single on the Idol results show. He kinda blew, and not just because the song isn’t to my personal tastes. He was just off. But in Tardtown they are crowning him the King of all Music.

And then thousands googled their way here under the funniest search term yet in the hours after American Idol aired: “Did David Cook get a hair transplant?” I do not know for sure but my vote is yes. His head looks like he joined Hair Club For Men or perhaps a super expensive lacefront. But I’m betting on plugs. Look at the hairline.

Yes, America, he has done something. There are some that allege he’s had a recent nose job but I’m less sure on that. The tip is pointer and the nose is thinner and more refined but that could be dieting. Remember the chubbo he was when he auditioned for Idol?

Doings in Adam Lambert Fantardland:

I’m always amused by the Sparkle Cows but this week on Twitter was just too freaking funny. On Wednesday Adam tweeted about 420 and the tards immediately started speculating what the significance was. Well he wasn’t tweeting just because it was Adolph Hitler’s birthday even if he did once sport a swastika on his jacket. It took a long time before the Cows were informed of what Jason Castros fans already knew and probably celebrated that 420 was the day to get high, smoke a little weed. Weed Day.

Why do they like to pretend Lambert is some innocent boy confused about his sexuality enough that one of them might have a chance of sleeping with him? Lambert has stated in interviews that’s he’s been known to partake of drugs and alcohol.

Nicknames?

April 20, 2011

Earlier today one of my more sane friends that likes David Cook pointed out that the hardcore lunatics at David Cook Official and other sites had dubbed his pop-fest new single “The Last Goodbye” with the nickname ‘Larry’ Turns out this is not even an isolated incident either. All of his songs have nicknames that would make even a middle schooler cringe over the moronicness of it all.

Nicknames for songs? Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea exactly how retarded that sounds? Why? Are the song titles thought up by the writers and TPTB at the record companies not enough?

Okay, so I can see reducing a song title down to the initials, like the Sparkle Cows did with “If I Had You” to “IIHY” and other titles. I can even see them calling him ‘BB’ but I cannot understand naming someone’s penis a ‘Rainbow’ or renaming songs. Penises and rainbows don’t have ANYTHING in common that I can find except perhaps for a little H2O. Stop renaming stuff stupid titles like ‘Larry’ and ‘Rainbow’ or risk losing what tiny credibility you might still have left.

I used to think that Adam Lambert’s Sparkle Cows were the craziest of fans but I now see Cooktards take the whole nasty cake. Eww, rainbows and penises and creepy names like Larry!

Is This A Last Goodbye For David Cook?

April 19, 2011

So I’m sure by now most of you have wandered over to David Cook Official and listened to his newly released single – “The Last Goodbye” co-penned with pop writer Ryan Tedder. It’s playing on the main page continually.

I’m curious as to what everyone is thinking? Is it good to you or a piece of crappy sell out musical fodder?

Idle Idol – David Cook Tards

April 15, 2011

When there’s nothing much happening in the world of any particular American Idol stars career or public life you can count on one thing. The tards will invent some of the most pathetic ‘NEWS’ speculating on everything from penis size to how crappy or wonderful the upcoming release is. Most of the time it’s nonsensical gibberish, the computer equivalent of a thousand monkeys with typewriters tapping and pecking out “It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times”

Sort of like a far dumber version of the tabloids. I always said my two fantasy jobs I would kill to have would be a) being a vocal coach for American Idol because every year a new naive crowd of starry eyed youngsters come in with very bad singing habits. My second fantasy position would be writing for Weekly World News just so I could make up all the strangest of stories like “Bat Boy Endorses Ed McMahon For President” or “Aliens Have Stolen The Corpse of Elvis Presley!” It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times..Right now WWN is claiming that Michael Jackson faked his death and that Sammy Hagar was abducted by aliens.

This week has seen a speculative shitload of stupid. Apparently No Longer Baldy tweeted about Pia Toscana’s Idol ouster, said she was talented. She tweeted back and said something about seeing him ‘Thursday’.

So what would the average non-crazy person make of those tweets? Perhaps that Cook was complimenting Pia because, wait for it, she’s pretty good. Her texting back to say ‘Thanks’ and ‘See you on Thursday’ might mean she’s happy a previous Idol winner thinks she’s good and both of them will be at next week’s American Idol results show.

But in funked up fan land they are taking it mean that Cook is boinking Toscana. Toscana, sounds like those crappy pasta dishes that Pizza Hut is pushing.

People have been doing ugly tweeting at Pia to leave Cook along. David has been receiving scads of tweets ripping on him and begging him not to date Pia. That’s when they’re not simultaneously freaking out in good and bad ways over the released lyrics of his soon to be released CD. Criticism, assumptions, and just out and out delusional spamming David Cook.

One of the ones jumping on the criticize Cook and driving some of the who’s he balling gossip is that ever popular and sane set of sockpuppets of one Holly/Mary Ann Ellis over at David Cook Uncensored. She’s talking to herself again and pretending it’s huge groups of different people while banning anyone with a clue just how much talking out of her ass she’s been doing.

Holly Mary Ann Sockpuppets seems to be on the internet 24 hours a day now. How she does that and holds down a job is a mystery to me. I’ve been told she’s had to take psych leave from her job before and the last time she was on DCU for hours on end it was due to being off for being ‘off’ mentally. Please Mary Ann, get help. Stirring up rumors and selling them to the tabloids can’t be healthy for your mind. Everyone knows your Sockpuppets so give that a rest too.

InFanity – Fan Insanity & RCA & Other Offenders

April 5, 2011

What’s the most thankless task in Tardtown for both Adam Lambert & David Cook? The doings of poor RCA Ed. Put upon, forced to read pages of drivel about how some old lady wants the Mr. Happy of some young singer, chewed out by tards, you name it.

Frankly I’d rather be employed cleaning the road with my tongue more than the tasks RCA Ed has to endure. He’s had to explain to both the Cooktards and the Sparkle Cows that spamming radio stations to play their music is not a good thing. He’s also been smacking some frau ass for bad behavior on the official sites. I don’t blame him. I’d be tempted to go postal on them if I were in his shoes. He’s banned the most crazy of the Madam fans from AO and told the others to stop acting like ‘friggin’ internet terrorists’.

Some Baldyfrau wrote him an open letter on the board accusing him of being ‘harsh’. He has his hands full.

Speaking of hands full someone posted in the comments the other night pointing the way to a splinter board from DCU. Apparently Queen Tramp has another Baldy board. I know a member who tells me it’s just more the same, drooling over Baldy’s dick and dressing it up in different outfits. Retarded.

(Psst: Queen Tramp, please don’t kick my ass when you see me around town…but please please stop drooling over the dick of a young young man!)