Archive for August 2011

Craziest David Cook Fan Art

August 31, 2011

I’d forgotten about this gem. Tried to go to the blog to get the full frontal nudity version but sadly it has been taken down. Damn. It was the stuff of nightmares.

The head and the body, such a disconnect in reality. I know Cook works out but this is just improbable except in the mind of a horny frau.

Still disappointed the full nude one was gone because I’m sure it featured that frau assumption for all Idol males.

Horse peen! That looks emm, painful.

David Cook Tards – Tard Behavior

August 27, 2011

I’ve had just about enough from the Cook Tards than I can stand with their conspiracy theories, whining about Meet & Greets (why does he have to have those in the first place), whining about they aren’t THAT crazy (yes, you are) and a myriad of other petty things. I’m not in cahoots with anyone but myself. Crazy can be seen, diagnosed, prescribed, sniffed out, ferreted, determined, viewed, conjectured, parsed, etc,. by anyone possessing just a mere modicum of common sense – that commodity lacking so desperately in Tard Town.

Methinks you do protest too much ladies.

So – Open Post – Come up with what makes up crazy tard behavior and post it in the comments. I’ll pop in and add them to the list here.

1 – Offering a ‘favor’ of a sexual nature to any venue security to get near the headliner.
2 – Attending M & Gs so often Cook knows your name
3 – Putting down other fans for not being as extreme as you.
4 – Ignoring family, friends, school, work, responsibilities to chase Idol around the nation during his tour.
5 – Maxing out your credit cards in pursuit of someone young enough to be your son (or grandson!)
6 – Having an excessive number of photos taken with your Idol and regularly asking for their autograph when you already have it.
7 – Covering your middled aged gravity-challenged wrinkled body with tattoos of any and all descriptions relating to your Idol and/or his bandmates
8 – Buying your idol expensive gifts
9 – Stalking your idol and his band-mates in bars and restaurants.
10- Having private sexual fantasies about an attractive (to you) celebrity = normal. Sharing those fantasies with said celebrity, and the world at large = not normal
11- Voting as if your life depends on it in any poll that mentions their name, no matter how important it is.
12- Streaming music from websites constantly so that the artist gets money because you feel like their career isn’t gong too well.
13- Feeling like it’s your responsibility for someone’s career to the degree that you worry excessively that they’re not doing well and wondering what you can do to “help”.
14- Doing all you can to make someone a superstar as if it’s your job and regardless of whether the person wants to be a superstar.
15- Listening to your Idol’s music constantly.
16- Only listening to your idol or other artists they have recommended or are connected to.
17- Threatening the life, safety, career, friends, family or anything related to a person who is/was/may be or rumored to may possibly be involved physically, romantically or emotionally with your ‘idol’.
18- Freaking out because they were seen with some attractive (or not?) member of the opposite sex in case he may meet/like/date them.
19- Worrying, whining or crying because this person may actually dare to have an affectionate or romantic relationship with anyone but you.
20- Wearing earrings with the face of your Idol on it.
21- Baking them goodies or knitting, sewing, crocheting, needle pointing them something they don’t need or want.
22- Feeling the need to tell a complete stranger that you love them.
23- Watching TV shows, movies, sports teams only because they are the favorites of you imaginary boyfriend.
24- Pushing a teenage fan out of the front row at a show because they moved too close to you and your tard crew and Dave doesn’t want to see young new fans only your dumbass mugs in front of him swooning/drooling/thuding for the umpteenth time!
25- Emptying your IRA, leaving a steady job, and breaking your bank account to stalk a band around the country, then moving to the city where they reside.
26- Telling people that you are “friends” with your idol or their band mates.
27- Kissing the ass of a girlfriend of the band to get closer, even if she’s a total loser.
28- Being overly paranoid, defensive and quick to label anyone a ‘hater’ who does not view the objet de affection in the same light.
29- Hiding online activity or extent of support for Cook from family, spouse and friends.
30- Feeling embarrassed or ashamed to admit membership in Cooktardlandia to fam, friends, spouse for fear of ridicule. Why keep something so marvelous a secret if it is just the music one is interested in?
31- Professing to have a job, or a life, but spends all day and night on the boards commenting, tweeting…
32- Being old enough to be Cook’s mama or grandmama and spending all day and night commenting/tweeting/tarding over him
33- Excessive data gathering /chart graphing of the most minute things… the charts/graphs on DCO in the Chart James thread is a study in obsessive/compulsive behavior…
34- Not being able to accept that some people just don’t like Cook, or his music without requiring them to produce data or evidence to support WHY you feel that way. Questioning one’s intelligence or qualifications when voicing an opinion about Cook online not in keeping with theirs – especially in a review is a Cooktard trademark. An opinion is an opinion – it needs no further proof or qualifiers to hold or have one, except when not seeing eye to eye with a Cooktard.
35- Making sure you spam every possible website and twitter page of course with Avi of yourself leering at and no doubt clinging to said Idol who invariably is sporting “the deer caught in the headlights look.
36- Not being able to take the hint that you are a leper, a freak, an ubertard to the object of your desire, when his “paid” colleagues and friends, go online to call you out. “They must have been hacked! I’m not a tard…I’m his bestest friend ever…I clothe him, I feed him, I make love to him…ummm, I mean I have wet dreams…umm no I mean I want to support this young mans musical career. He is soooo good I can’t possibly just see the shows in my area. I have to go all over the country to watch him perform the same 12 songs, for the umpteenth time…and be sure he sees me beaming up at him from front and center. Sigh…thud…oh I love his third leg…he wears size 13 shoes, you know what that means *wink wink*…I’m having a hot flash”
37- You put a tracker under your Idol’s bus.
38- You push aside VIP guests to push to the front of the line for a special M&G
39- You steal/borrow VIP passes to go to a M&G
40- When called out for being a crazy you respond with lame assed justifications like “it’s a social connection, we have so much invested”
41- Making videos like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRscd97Rcdk
42- If you have nicknames for his male parts.
43- If you partake in online birthday cards for his mother, brother, dog, fourth cousin twice removed….
44- Trying to ‘out’ anyone that doesn’t agree with your Idol love by calling them ‘jealous hater’ or ‘homophobic’ or ‘stalker’
45- Getting reprimanded at work for using every computer in the office to vote for your favorite idol in some meaningless online poll.
46- Making statements to the press like this “He inhabits the song. He’s not singing about it, acting it. He feels it, and you feel it too,”
47- When you tweet to David that you need a hug because your dog is sick. Then tweet again and ask him to pray for your dog. (I swear, it’s real http://t.co/tDlC6SU http://t.co/2S92kHM )
48- The secret second and/or third credit cards hubby doesn’t know about, and the mortgage payments you were meant to give the bank but blew on plane tickets for a 15 minute show?
49- Online cards/candles for deceased relatives
50- Going to charity events, concerts etc that your idol might attend. Fine you want to meet them but there’s a time and place for it and they’ll see right through your plan.
51- Posting your idol’s personal details (address etc) online. Yes, it’s out there already and fine that you might be curious and look it up sharing it is just dangerous.
52- Going to multiple concerts and having no limits for where you will travel. Fine occasionally if you want to make a vacation out of it but not when it happens all the time.
53- Attending shows with your Idol’s fans only, all the time. It probably says something if you can’t find a friend, relative willing to go to any of these shows with you.
54- Buying 600 copies of the same album. I’ve seen people say they did it because it was in the store. Well leave it there dumbass, some other new fan might want to, like, buy it.
55- Giving 590 CDs as gifts to everyone you know. Just in case you make them a fan.
56- Playing 2 CDs but keeping 8 as “spare”.
57- Buying every conceivable format of an album even if it actually contains the same music.
58- Not taking the hint that people are talking about YOU. *hint, hint* 😉
59- Thinking you have to do all this stupid shit to prove you are a good fan. Even worse if you are trying to be the best fan.
60- Engaging in dangerous tour bus activity whether that be putting a tracker on it, following it, hunting it down or driving dangerously close to it.
61- Going through with ideas to make someone a “star” for personal reasons even when the idol’s label says not to do it.
62- Spending hours wondering what someone smells like. Worse, trying to actually smell them. On a related note, if someone says they sweat and smell after a show, believe them.
63- Ooooing at someone like they’re a 5 year old who just took his first steps.
64- Obsessively recording and uploading of concerts without working on the sound quality. If you’re serious that it’s “about the music” then take the recording of it seriously – you could have got some real gems by now.
65- Starting collections for gifts for your idols. Always remember that in most cases they have more money than you, they are not charity cases and it’s embarrassing for them when you try to buy them a car.
66- Sure watch shows/movies and listen to music your idol recommends or likes but do it with everyone not just the idol – it’s a great way to find new things. However, don’t like things just because they like them, know your own mind. This especially applies with sport, don’t support teams just because they do – that’s just dumb.
67- You think you stand a chance with your idol. Who knows maybe you do but remember that if they are going to be truly interested they’ll want someone who has interests aside from them.
68- Putting together photo books, or any media, to sell to other fans to help fund trips to see the subject matter. That’s just… wrong.
69- Treating your idol like they’re the second coming of Jesus Christ. Yes, he may well be an amazing person – friendly caring, supports charities, cuddles kittens, has pictures taken with babies blah blah BUT they are human. They DO have faults. They do have a finite amount of patient. Don’t test that out. Not treating them like God is especially important if the reason you like them is that they’re grounded – counterproductive much?
70- Spending more time analyzing the Idol’s hair, clothes and style than your own. They have a whole team to do that. You are allowed an opinion and it’s OK to express it but then stop. It’s not always important.
71- Don’t spend time hating on relatives or friends. The fact you care enough to do it shows that you are too invested but it is also totally disrespectful when you know those people are close. As an added incentive not to do it, you should know that people will talk and tell your King. Your king will then be pissed with you. Blood and friendship is thicker than fan dollars.
72- Attacking/bashing another fan on the internet because she is prettier/thinner/younger than you. As if YOU would have any chance with your obsession. Delusional tards!
73- Writing fanfic/slash or anybody reading it 24/7.
74- If you are an adult (not a 12 year old girl) and you decorate your home or a room with pictures, collages, scrapbooks, momentos and other assorted crap
75- When you start making dolls or pillowcases or other items with your Idols face on it you’ve veered into Creepyland.

Twitter Behavior
1 – Tweets about, or to, the object of your affection all day long.
2 – Saying good morning and good night, every single day
3 – Tweeting crap that fills their timeline so any real comments or questions are buried.
4 – Sending aggressive tweets to other fans just because you don’t agree with whatever they’re asking/saying.
5 – Worrying excessively if they don’t tweet for a few days.
6 – Following anyone that is remotely linked to your Idol.
7 – Complaining when the person tweets while you are out, asleep, gazing at their poster, whatever. Or asking them not to tweet while you are out, asleep, gazing at their poster, whatever
8 – Hiding twitter conversations by using codes or DMs. If it’s so bad that you don’t want people reading then maybe it’s a clue you shouldn’t be saying it.
9 – Hassling your idol on Twitter for news. Any news. Even when you know they can’t give you said news or there’s just nothing to say.
10- Don’t spend hours/days of your life tweeting old photos of your idol. Look at them in private if you must but public dribbling just looks weird. Even worse if they focus on specific body areas or you send them to the idol.
11- Don’t put the idol’s name in your bio. If you have to do that it says a lot. None of it good.
12- Ask yourself, should you really need a separate account just to tweet about an idol?
13- Also ask yourself whether you should need a private and public account just so that one can be used to send tweets the idol can see and the other can be used to have discussions you would rather nobody else reads?
14- Avoid usernames that are related to the idol. If it’s funny then fine. If it’s not then you’re a tard.
15- Ditto with having an idol’s pic as an avi on twitter. Even if you don’t want to use your face then just use something else.
16- If you have to shorten someone’s name to their initials constantly to save time then you’re probably typing it too much.
17- Remember that people can see what you’re writing and even if you’re account is locked your words can spill out. Don’t be two-faced or delete what you regret – people aren’t that dumb.
18- And take the hint when a real life friend or family member says “it’s creepy to see all those avi’s of David Cook on people’s twitter accounts.” Because obviously the person is not David Cook! Andrew tweeted this and yes, got tons of hate for it. Go figure?
19- Tweeting him videos of himself or tweeting him his own song lyrics.

Take it away…

Clay Aiken Crazy Tard Art

August 24, 2011

More Clay skerry art. Unfortunately none of them come close to yesterdays “Kitten Clay Out Too Late”

….and she seriously did not pick up on the fact that he was gay? Really?

The rest of these just look like Clay’s special needs cousins on a day out of the facility…

This one might be a little more special needs than the rest..

That is one nasty looking fudgecicle he looks ready to chow down on..

Clay Aiken – Strangest Tard Art EVER!!!

August 23, 2011

There are no words….

Don’t blame your nightmares on me…

David Cook Tard Art

August 22, 2011

Some of these aren’t too bad. Some actually look like him. Some are just pathetic. All drawn by the obsessional and overinvolved…

Ol’ Peanut Head has that early Cook far back hairline. Pre-weave/implants.

This Loud-Assed Pencil

Some shiftless hillbilly labeled as “Cook”

Same hillbilly thinking about moonshine and rebuilding his truck engine again.

Umm, someone is seriously constipated again.

Someone woke up Wino Bob from his Ripple-induced sleep behind the 7-11 again to fill out a mug shot round up.

Cook’s ‘Specshul’ cousin. Kink in the family tree.

and for those Lambert Lovers out there..

Specshul supah powers!

American Idol Significant Others (David Cook, Taylor Hicks, Adam Lambert)

August 21, 2011

We’ve been talking in the comments on the probability that David Cook hasn’t been leading a lonely celibate life. I’m sure the Weeds and the Roses love to picture him wearing a human hair shirt and monks robe subsisting on saltpeter mixed with manna to preserve the purity of his instrument and to save himself for them.

Charming picturesque vision that it might be to some (ugh, it creeps me out!) I’m sure it’s not true. He’s a man, a healthy young male, so I’m sure he has suitable female companionship just like I’m sure it’s none of our business. He is entitled to his privacy if he so desires.

Unfortunately some of the Twitter brigade have started tweeting him begging for a date or rudely inquiring about the state of his love life, neither of which are appropriate behavior or their business. Just like that stupid dating survey they posted at DCO ages ago, filled out and presented to him. LOL-worthy. I loved the video of the presentation because Cook looks so much like he’s on the verge of bursting out in big braying laughs. I often wonder how much of a laugh does he and the guys in the band get over the more ridiculous tard behavior.

And thanks to YoTaylor in the comments I got to see that the tard hazards of dating an American Idol aren’t just something Cook has had to deal with. Taylor Hicks fans got ridiculously out of the box harassing and speculating when he was dating news lady Caroline Lyders. Looking around at the uber bitching online about how Caroline is the devil to Hicks fans I’m laughing. This is so typical,. the harassment and lies invented by the emotionally overinvested. I still don’t get the big honking deal it was that Hicks was spotted with a different blonde in Hawaii. He could be dating more than one person at a time. It is possible and it doesn’t mean that Lyders is some sort of beard like the worst of the Taylor Tards tries to say.

I would love it if Lyders would show up here and let us know about the harassment she suffered from at the hands of Hicks idiot pack. I’m sure she has tales to tell that rival Lana Jade’s.

That’s one big advantage that Adam Lambert has over Taylor Hicks or David Cook. Being that he’s gay his crazy ott fans seem to adore his boyfriends, from Cheeks to present. Unless of course you point out that their hair looks suspiciously like those guys on Dragonball Z. Then they go all creamed crap on crackers. The comments are priceless and crazy.

I wonder what would happen if Adam decided he wanted to date a woman and be bi. How crazy would his herd get?

Bus Full Of David Cook Tards…

August 16, 2011

… too bad they’re not going off a high cliff into the rapacious jaws of hungry alligators. That scenario would make these silly photos much more amusing.

Okay, so there’s this group of Cooktards at DCO that call themselves the “Busted Girls” and “We R Busted”. They like to refer to David Cook as “Master” and make insane amounts of photoshopped pictures of them and Cook on adventures together on the tour bus. There is mention of spanking and paddles, pictures of paddles, talks of paddling as punishment and as a treat. It is all so so.. 6th grade… not even middle school. And it’s all over on a thread at DCO. They wonder why we think they are a bunch of nut cases.

They even have their own Twitter too.

I was going to post a few of their photos here but I think not. I don’t want to go near them with someone else’s ten foot dick. When I first took a look at the series I’m sure my jaw dropped and my eyes bugged out by the sheer silly spectacle of it all. Again, this is not what normal rational adult human beings do when they are the fans of a singer/musician. The best thing they could do to support Dave and the guys is a) buy the music, b) buy the merch and c) go to the concerts. Nothing else, no bus fantasies, no spanking fantasies, no ignoring your little kids to the point where you are feeding them PB&J for every meal for days on end while you photoshop your stupidity lust fantasies of being in a Non-Baldy Bus-riding getting-spanked harem.

How long will it take them all to go bi for Cook? Eventually in every sexual fantasy-laden tarddom some decide to handle the sexual tension by going gay with each other as it’s the closest any of them will ever come to Cook’s crotch. Are we near that point in Cookdom yet>