What Not To Do: David Cook, Adam Lambert, Taylor Hicks, Whoever Fans

A couple of fans posted online prime examples of just what you really DON’T want to do to attract the notice of anyone, much less your favorite American Idol. Kind of reminds me of this Weird Al Yankovic song parodying the musical stylings of Taylor Hicks.

First up is a silly page some lone Taylor Hicks frau posted ages ago as ‘advice’ to meet Taylor. Thanks Black Angel for posting this in the comments. It’s a primer of what NOT to do. Just do the opposite of what this stalker-frau says.

1. Look up when he is having a show. You can go to his website or follow him on Twitter @TaylorRHicks and on Facebook.

Okay, so there’s nothing wrong with looking up where anyone will be playing..can’t object to that.

2. Send him a message, so he will be familiar with you(optional)

Yeah, you do that so he can print off your photo and name to give to his security team with strict instructions to keep you far far away from him.

3. On the day of the concert, if it is General Admission get there around lunch time(Unless the concert is a hometown concert, then you need to get there around 6am) The Soul Patrol does camp out in any kind of weather!

Camping out for anyone is a sign that you’ve already slipped over the edge into over involvement in your mind only and tard dom. Put down the sleeping bag and go wait till a reasonable hour like a sane normal person, not some crazy cat lady waiting for a new batch of kittens at the pound.

4. Talk to the fans that come up. And get familiarized with Taylor and his band members. Most of the time, Taylor sends them out to distract fans so he can run inside and do soundcheck.

If Taylor, or anyone, is getting people to distract that masses so he can run inside for the soundcheck then you’ve already entered the zip code of Crazyville. Don’t add to the population, allow the poor beleaguered and hounded headliner to pass unmolested.

5. If it is a casino show and you are inside the casino, realize, Taylor Hicks may have passed by you one hundred times and you did not even know it. Soul Patrol knows the disguise and where to look for Taylor and his friends. And try to book a room at the hotel, if you want to stalk Taylor.

The writer realizes what she’s trying to do is not normal and for once calls it what it is, stalking. If Hicks or any other Idols are walking about in disguises it’s surely because the fans are acting like K Mart shoppers during a Blue Light Special. Just don’t.

6. Try not to stalk him. You will end up on his hate list.

But,,, but…you are advocating stalking in everything else on the list.

7. Find fans that do not seem, obsessed. They are most likely cool with the band!

Sooo you’ll stand out as the crazy one in the ‘normal’ bunch?

8. Try to get in the front row. Dance, sing, holler, correct him on the lyrics, and he will notice you. Or make a giant rainbow poster confessing your love for him. Seriously, dont do that!

Advocating typical front row frau antics that have been going on in every frau pace. How is correcting the singer singing his own lyrics going to garner you positive attention? He’s just going to think you’re an assclown and he’d be right.

9. Dont leave right after the concert is over, unless the house lights come on. Taylor always comes back on and do two or three more songs, depending on how he feels.

I believe this is known as an ‘encore’ and most performers do it, unless there’s a hot blonde and a pile of Peruvian Marching Dust a foot high awaiting them in the dressing room.

10. Depending on how big the crowd is, that is your chance to really get to know Taylor. Talk with him about sports, but dont drag on and on forever. Buy a CD or print off a picture of him to sign.

When last we left off our Taylor Tard she was talking of encores. How did we get from encores to chatting about sports? How ’bout them Packers?

11. If the show is at a casino, or has a place with a bar, or if a bar is nearby, that is where Taylor is! But if you do run into him again, don’t be all up in his business.

Yeah, just try to buy him a million drinks so he’ll pass out and not notice you’re trying to gargle with his balls. Smooth move.

More sage ‘advice’

No Stalking
Don’t badmouth Taylor around fans
Don’t act all creepish around people.
Do NOT get wasted drunk.
Do not put your hands all over Taylor
Get there EARLY!

I heard that this particular author did get wasted at a Taylor concert so I guess she knows.

If not careful, you could possibly be banned from all Taylor shows. A Taylor Hicks show is pretty simple to attend. And it is really fun!

Sweetheart, I’m sure he added you to the list the second you started spamming him on Twitter that you were coming to see him real soon.

Then she lists supplies you should bring for your attempt to ‘stalk’ ooops, ‘meet’ him.

Camera(a good one. His fans love to show off all the picture they have taken.)
Picture(for an autograph)
Breath mints( if you are going to make your move)

Strangely enough the things you know she’s dying to bring, like lube and a ball gag, are strangely absent from the list.

Earlier this week we saw other do not repeat behavior from Cook fan. Look at this Twitter timeline. The author deleted the tweets but while they were up she was melting down over David Cook or even Andrew Cook not twittering her back. Ha. Read from the bottom up on the tweets…

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
i can’t believe i did it for someone like u.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
can ignore me. i’ll do too.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
i wanted one thing u don’t know to do. simple. talk.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
i don’t want a gdbye. i wanted was a hello.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
someone that just do.. sing songs gdbye!!!!!!!!!!!

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
i’m frustrated? nope.. in panic with me. hw i can be so stupid?

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
to me lixando!

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
u just think in fortune… put it in ur ass..

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
but i’m wasting my time..

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
don’t matter to me what u are? famous or not.. to me lixandu!

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
answer with ur face without send others to do it for u.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
know for more crazy…” the less” u’d should to do is answer.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
i’ll let to u think in ur atitude to someone here that wrote to u.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
u know what i really miss. be so stupid in think that u could answer me as a man. and not as a child.ur atitude is so..

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
and nope mr.andrew wont have fight anymore. i know what is a NOT.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
and more this guy deserve receive all love .. all girls.. be happy with ur girls.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
i deserved. write words to a piece of the stone.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
thank u for all ur hard time to read here and answer me with kind “jokes”

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
and more… today u show me what i shouldn’t do anymore.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
hw stupid i’m. think that u’ll could like someone like me. but i have a heart to say what i feel..and i know say sorry. and receive one NOT.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
@MrAndrewCook what do u think…. was funny watched a stupid here.. good. ur words will help me

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
@MrAndrewCook or so say stupid shut up! i don’t want any with u.. u don’t see… i’m much for u!

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
@thedavidcook u could just have said.. stupid woman stop to write.. cause i don’t like u.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
@thedavidcook hw can u ignore a person like u do?

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
@thedavidcook and wrost do jokes…. Have u one heart? u read it?

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
@MrAndrewCook i just wanted understand hw can?

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
@MrAndrewCook hw can a man ignore and be so cold.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
@MrAndrewCook no.. i don’t understand hw can a man read it and be so cold. and haven’t one word to say.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
@MrAndrewCook just tell me hw can someone to be so cold. so ice.. one piece of a stone.. that haven’t a HEART!

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
sorry… for write fools … again hurt myself here. i’m stupid.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
well. i think i haven’t any to do here … i already read what i needed … and i know what is one NOT.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
eh. cool show. was funny….that good someone liked here.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
let me lov u.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
don’t matter. i still can dream with a true love.

MarcyaLin Marcya Lin
@thedavidcook can survive a love in distance? question for u?

Don’t do this. Please don’t do this to anyone.

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12 Comments on “What Not To Do: David Cook, Adam Lambert, Taylor Hicks, Whoever Fans”

  1. Sogosueme Says:

    LMAO. That’s nothing, that “fan” goes on a tweet and delete rant every couple of months. Usually it is far angrier and much more sexual in nature. Sometimes she even brings Andy Skib inti the action. Wish I had though to screencsp the hilarity. I think she is based in China.

  2. mousie Says:

    I sometimes think that if any of them read their @s they would likely get RSI from blocking people.

  3. Black Angel Says:

    “Do not put your hands all over Taylor”

    Something tells me the writer of this gem had her wrinkled hands all over Taylor. Seriously, what is wrong with these women? How would you like it if a stranger had his hands all over you?

  4. Dani Says:

    Holy shit! The only part that made sense was “put it in ur ass..” lol

  5. Jen Says:

    I’ve been checked out of fandom for a minute but what’s the deal with Scott now going by SoCal Scott on DCO? That’s still him, right?

  6. rascalete Says:

    When I first read @MarcyaLin (Marcya Lin) post I thought this is either a really crazy fan or a very disturbed person. I was hoping that baby is not hers! WOW Maybe Child Services should be notified.

    • nonna-muss Says:

      It’s very disturbing. I checked on her timeline yesterday after reading about her here and she went on another rant in which she posted a lot of videos of love songs and scenes. It seems she’s deleted a lot of them now. I also hoped that baby isn’t hers because she does seem very delusional. She seems angry with him that he doesn’t respond to her.

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