Queen Fans Beware of Adam Lambert’s Sparkle Cows

Oh lawdy, the news continues. Apparently Queen + Madam are playing another date, not just the Sonisphere Fest at Knebworth. They will be playing a week earlier in Moscow at the Olympic Arena. Moscow Russia, not Moscow Idaho. Info about that has come out in a press release from Queen Official. Ticket sales haven’t started but warning for the Sparkle Cows – the site is auf paruski (in Russian) so better get your favorite translator to help you buy those tickets. I’m wondering why there’s a photo of “House” star Hugh Laurie on the site and not one of Queen but have to wait for my favorite Russian translator to come home from work and be my peravochic. I suspect Hugh is playing or hosting something in Moscow.

So the real question is, how many Sparkle Cows versus how many Queen fans will travel to Knebworth and/or Moscow? And will there be blood and glitter on the floor of the venue.

Dear Queen fans, this is what you can expect from Adam Lambert’s Sparkle Cows. They are aggressive, very aggressive. They will elbow, instep stomp, shin kick, shriek, push and accuse of homophobia anyone that tries to stop them from pushing through the crowd and right up against the stage. I’d recommend wearing a pair of steel toed Doc Martins to deal with them. You’ll see them coming from far away, a herd of fat glitter and paint middle aged women with unfortunate hair. They’ll come in lock step and try to mow down anyone in their way from the front of the stage. I oh so wish to be a fly on the wall the second Brian May has to look down in that sea of deluded sparkling fug at his feet. The look on his face will be worth seeing.

You lot are about to come into contact with the craziest most obsessional fan base you’ve ever seen. They’ll likely attack anyone that tries to bottle Madam. As the gigs get nearer they are going to start clashing with any Queen fans on the boards, probably saying things like ‘Queen should be GRATEFUL to have Adam!” and act like Madam is more talented than Brian or Roger Taylor. They will be frustrating, they will be obtuse, they will be unreasoning. Good luck because you’re going to need it.

ETA: This wonderful video by a Queen fan comparing Madam’s singing to Gene Pitney… they both have goaty notes.. maaaaaahhhh

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46 Comments on “Queen Fans Beware of Adam Lambert’s Sparkle Cows”

  1. Tess Tickle Says:

    From what I’m seeing on various music boards and Queen forums, there aren’t too many Queen fans who are happy about this, in fact, I’ve read some pretty violent comments from die hard Freddie fans. This should prove to be very interesting in the upcoming months. I don’t think too many people are on board with Lambert doing this, aside from his middle aged female bovine fans who can’t seem to see past the glitter to what a massive douchebag he is. What ever meds Brian May is on, he needs to get them adjusted. I for one don’t think that this is a very good idea. Oh well, we shall see.

    • freedavidcook Says:

      I’m not sure Lexapro or Wellbutrin or Lithium corrects fame whoring. It just works on depression. Not that I know what kind of drug cocktail Brian takes but I could make an educated guess….

  2. Mugsy Says:

    My god, Sparkle Cows in Moscow. They’re going to ignite the Cold War all over again. And, then blame it on homophobia.

  3. songkat7 Says:

    Just as Journey is not Journey without Steve Perry, even moreso, Queen isn’t Queen without Freddie.

    So therefore, in my eyes, it’s “Fake Queen” must like the other is what I refer to as “Fake Journey”.

    It’s going to be interesting what Queen fans, if any, attend Fake Queen’s shows.

  4. Rubber Ducky Says:

    That video is the greatest video ever.

  5. nonna-muss Says:

    I thought Madam looked fabulous in that purple dress at the 5 minute mark!

  6. cuddles Says:

    Why do people choose to listen to that? Is it some kind of mental disorder?

  7. cuddles Says:

    That know-it-all tone tinged with self righteousness reminds me of someone. Were you in a different fantard group back in the day, Mmmmmmblech?

  8. Ali Says:

    I’m confused…why is that Mmmm person here if she is so disgusted by it all lol?

    • Ali Says:

      …and the Queen/madam drama will be quite the circus sideshow I’m sure lol! I would be surprised if any real Queen (not Fake Queen lol) fans will pay good money to see this show.

      • freedavidcook Says:

        Got translation. Looks like some of the shows, like the Hugh Laurie one, are running right around 4000 rubles, around 125 dollars US.

  9. Dani Says:

    Off topic I know, but more fun times ahead at yet another tard convention in the making

    http://web.tigerwoodsfoundation.org/news/article/2012022126778536/tiger_jam/?tcid=tw_share

    • anon Says:

      Oh my god this is great:

      Karen / iluvDCyes ‏ @iluvDCyes
      So are lots going to Vegas? Do you think David will have more fans than JBJ?

      Seriously….?

  10. Kara Oakey Says:

    HAHAHAHAHA!!! OMG. That video is one of the funniest things ever! Whoever picked up on the Gene Pitneyism in this Whoever Lambert’s “singing” is extremely perceptive. It’s quite astounding -mind-boggling, really- that the Shell of Brian May would choose such a person to fill in for FREDDIE. Perhaps Brian grew up on a farm and retains a soft spot for hideous goat-like Bleeeaaattting. Terrible. I know Brian likes a buck or two in his pocket, but what is to be gained by sticking this Frankenstein’s monster-looking fool on stage in the stead of a legend? No fan of Queen should pay to witness this travesty of a mockery of a sham. You can listen to the same goaty tones at any petting zoo for far less money…with much less pungent company. Fuck you, Brian.

    • Piiia Says:

      Whats the term you are using here a lot about David Cook “tards”: entitled fans or something like that? Seems to me there is suddenly many entitled Queen fans telling Brian May what to do with his band. A bit funny, that.

      • nerdgirl Says:

        Queen is not “Brian May band”.

      • freedavidcook Says:

        No, there is a difference. Queen fantards do not do the crazy things that Idol fans seem to do. I’ve yet to hear of a flat Freddie or Brian May being toted around, birthday parties being set up with decorated cakes, trackers stuffed under buses, tattoos of band members or lyrics on someone’s feet or back. Granted there are always tards in most every fan pack, but I am just not seeing the same percentage or level of crazy that Idol fans bring.

        Thinking the difference is that Idol contestants are on television for weeks on end, allowing those that aren’t real music fans to feel ‘connected’ to the Idol because of the tv exposure, hence the crazy overconnection i.e. pararelationalism that occurs. People who’s primary concern is the actual music would never act like that, just the ones that see something pretty and sparkly on tv and project all their desires upon, like the Sparkle Cows.

        Basically most of the Idol contestants and some (many) of the winners are nothing more than televised karaoke singers. Daughter isn’t. Bowersox isn’t. and there aren’t too many more than aren’t.. Nicki McKibbin has potential.

        And it isn’t always their own fault. Guys like Cook hone their stagecraft by years of playing other peoples music in cover bands in bars throughout the country. Taylor did that. I can’t explain Clay Aiken, there is no explanation except to say the site is getting an unusual number of hits asking if he’s had plastic surgery, or did he do the female to male surgery pre Idol or is he doing the male to female surgery now. All very puzzling.

        But it really does all go back to the music, which is what all you tards forget, falling in love with some guy you see on tv and listening to any stupid dreck he might record.

      • Piiia Says:

        To nerdgirl: No? Whos band is it then?

  11. Melinda Says:

    FreeDavidCook » Thu Mar 01, 2012 5:05 pm
    First post here :mrgreen: but I’ve been a Queen fan since 1973 when I first heard KYA on the radio.

    wow, somebody is middle aged

    • freedavidcook Says:

      Nope smartass, I’m old as fuck, but not as old as Brian “Money-grubber” May. What are you, like 12?

      • Ali Says:

        Lol FDC, most of the tards are 50/60 something going on 12!

        Any more news on the tards going to vegas for Dave and JBJ?

  12. Piiia Says:

    To freedavidcook: Didn’t David Cook spent years playing his own music?

  13. mercury2014 Says:

    Hi ,
    It is with outrage and great sadness that i report to you, that queen online message boards have seen fit to ban me for disliking Adam Liberace Lambert so much, that i was moved to make two videos voicing my refusal to support his singing with queen.
    The nazoid like tactics employed by the moderators of the queen online discussion board knew no bounds, and reached new hieghts when they censired a news item i posted of a you tube video by cbs news showing that a sherrif in AZ has started a criminal investigation into who was responsible for forging Barack Obama’s long form birth certificate.
    The constant harrasement i got for my christian views were never a cause of concern for the moderators at queen online forums, and my insistance of retaining points of views on various subjects were met with death threats and scorn by both users and moderators at queen online forums.
    The forum is a business led forum and has no room for people who actually employ their own brains to have points of view on such things as possible future releases of knebworth 86 on full blu ray etc.
    The way i was treated by those nazis amazes me, how they get away with their cavaliar abuses of forum rules amazes me also.
    I have not decided to setup a wordpress forum to follow the development of the proposed new Freddie Mercury biopic, this will be according to what i think and what i want to say.
    Long live the dying embers of free speech!

    • Rubber Ducky Says:

      Woot for the Godwins, good to get it out as fast as possible.

      When writing that little missive, was at least half your comment underlined with little red squiggly things? Did you wonder why?

  14. mercury2014 Says:

    feel free to spell check my last post
    (i have set up a wordpress to follow the development of the proposed new Freddie Mercury biopic) It will look into possible cast other than the lead and possible younger leads also for a younger years section, aswell as updating to the latest news on the project.
    I may also include controversial opinons on other subjects as i see fit.

  15. mercury2014 Says:

    queen online forums has a section for actual world news, and this is where i posted the cbs news video on the sheriff’s criminal investigation into who foged barack obama’s long form birth certificate.The moderators removed my news post into royal hollywood section- whatver that is! and then because i went back and posted another seperate news item in the news section the following day, they banned me. They had been waiting for an excuse to ban me since i first joined the forum, but they couldnt find an excuse so just banned me anyway.

    • Rubber Ducky Says:

      You do realize the owners and moderators of any website can ban whomever they want, whenever they want, right? 🙂

  16. mercury2014 Says:

    The moderatores at queen online forums need sacking, they are biased self opnionated and abusive, and they violate free speech laws and violate the rules of the forum according to their own wims.They use disgressionary favour to some and hound constantly those whos opnions they dont like.
    I am suprised queen productions allow such a criminal enterprise!
    which is akin to a nazi stroke russian communist style idea of a public free speech forum.
    It is a total disgrace!

  17. mercury2014 Says:

    They have also deleted my
    “Adam Lambert -The Toilet Overfloweth’
    masterpiece you tube video.
    which can be enjoyed here,

  18. mercury2014 Says:

    Seriously though, to censor a news item on such an importnat topic as the criminal investigation forging of the Presidents birth certificate is outrageous and truly is a communist style censoring of a free media.and remember this was aired on abc and cbs news

  19. MK Says:

    What does the president’s birth certificate have to do with American Idol? Did he try out for Idol or something? Is anyone else confused or just me b/c I’ve been celebrating St Pattys Day Irish style.

    • nonna-muss Says:

      You are not the only one confused MK (and I wasn’t celebrating Irish style even though I’m very Irish). I think this mercury2014 person was perturbed that they (the Queen board) censored him/her over a rant about Obama. I don’t know about anyone else, but any message board I’ve been on has nixed religious or political chatter, unless of course it’s a religious or political message board. IMO a message board about a particular band or musician is no place for either unless it is directly related to the musician or band the board is tarding for.

      • Tess Tickle Says:

        Did you know that Elvis was spotted on the grassy knoll holding Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate given to him by the Illuminati who just got done burying Jimmy Hoffa in cement at Giant’s Stadium because he knew that 9/11 was an inside job caused by the moon landing being faked? Yep, it’s the trues.

      • freedavidcook Says:

        Oh noes!!!!!!! Where’s my tin foil?

        Did you know that AT&T plus Arkansia plus Chicken Fila all cheated to get a guy playing a geetar to win American Idol over a stuperstah ghey man>?

      • Tess Tickle Says:

        Really?? Somebody should write a book!!!!

      • freedavidcook Says:

        That would be one facinating ranty wrapped in tin foil book. I wish someone would. I need a laugh today.

  20. Александра Грановская Says:

    Adam Lambert величайший певец и достоин быть на сцене вместе с группой Queen. И он это доказал. А вам прежде чем осуждать нужно добиться хотя бы немногого из того чего добился Adam. Нашлись судьи.!!! Adam великолепный. И миллионы уже в этом убедились. И будет еще очень много таких.


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