Archive for August 2012

David Cook Fantards Search Nashville & Write Some Bad Poetry

August 24, 2012

I’ve  heard from (Redacted)  that a large number of Cooktards have been busy searching Music City for any sign of David, his girl friend, dog, left over garbage, third cousin twice removed, any small hint of what his address might be in the city. They say that many have tried some rather desperate possibly illegal measures to try and find his home. Hope there’s a gate, a guard and a gun or he’ll be facing some horrors I’m sure.
Someone sent me this Tweet that really made me laugh. Poor Cook is getting this stupid stuff messaged to him every day. Add another guard…

@LivingInAmber
My ♥ is your garden, @thedavidcook. Come, plant your seed. All the dreams you conceive, spread them on me. Whatever you sow is all I need.
19 Aug

Reminds me of this from the original BBC production for television of “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy” except it’s way more ick factor.

Chick Fil A & the Summer of Crazy Hate

August 17, 2012

All this limelight focused upon Chick Fil A and their anti gay marriage stance has reawakened a long slumbering breast, err, beast, Ms. Kerry Kolsch and her American Idol conspiracy theories. Even a few of the religious sites mentioned her belief that homophobia caused Chick Fil A and AT&T to ban together to block Adam Lambert from winning American Idol.

Ever since Dan Cathy mentioned in an interview his stance on homosexual marriage I’ve been expecting the lunatic ravings of Kerry to explode online after she recovered from her initial seizure. Pages and pages, virtual reams about the repression of any form of homosexuality by Chick Fil A and the second place finish of Adam Lambert. I keep imagining her twitching and foaming at the mouth on August 1st, Chick Fil A Appreciation Day surrounded by the beasts of her alleged ‘farm’.

Yeah, I know, a book and reams of crap online she’s written over some guy wearing makeup winning second place on a tv show. Really. Of all the problems in this world, like global warming, the economy, health care, the war on women’s rights, gay rights and she chooses to be incensed over a television show that happened back in 2009? Yes, she does, still to this day.

Unfortunately someone over at The Advocate neglected to do any research on this bizarre princess of television conspiracy theories. They gave her theories some discussion in a legitimate article on Chick Fil A’s tendency to repress homos in an article. The writer lazily decided not to research her lack of validity and the fact that she is one of those wonderful internet laughing stocks. Someone needs to submit her name and story to the Encyclopedia Dramatica site. She belongs right up there with Liz Bateman and others. She’s morphed into an internet wide trolldom.

Someone at The Advocate finally figured out they had quoted a wackadoo as a source and altered the piece to indicate her lack of credentials. She trotted out her mother, disbarred Florida lawyer Elaine McKillop, to fight with her detractors in the comments. Now Kolsch has taken her toys over to Melinda Green’s blog  Top Iol to fight the laughing hordes there too.

Her ponderously long ravings about Adam Lambert barely interest me. What I find very interesting is all of her claims freely posted all over the internet that seem impossible or contradictory.

Example? Early in the whole Idol season with Adam she posted this over on the LA Weekly back in 2009. It’s still up, you cannot fake a date timestamp like she is claiming. Here’s that posting..

There should be a carbon tax on Ann Power’s hot air. She must pride herself on using a paragraph to express something that can be said in a sentence. Ann is the biggest fan of her own ego way more then she is a fan of Adam Lambert. Adam sang beautifully and nailed a difficult song and her complaint is that Adam accomplished what people expected Adam to do, so Adam should have chosen a different song more to her liking. Her incoherence is only matched by her verbosity.

Posted by: Kerry Kolsch | May 13, 2009 at 10:40 AM

and another comment with very similar wording also listed as from Kerry but this time from Yahoo article – http:// voices.yahoo.com/adam-lamberts-not-so-true-hollywood-story-7251598.html?cat=2

Ann, I totally disagree with you. Adam owned the stage as he does every time he performs. There was not contest between him and the other guys last night or any night. My husband, who is a university professor, has an instruction that he gives his speech class every semester, it applies to you, “if you can’t be good, be brief”. There should be a carbon tax on your waste of hot air.

Posted by: Kerry Kolsch | May 13, 2009 at 04:43 AM

In other posts from that time frame she’s claimed that she lives with her professor-husband overseas in England, yet she now claims to be an out and proud lesbian who’s never been married to a professor or lived in the United Kingdom? Lying?

Here’s her list of accomplishments that sound ridiculously fishy when viewed as a list.

  • Attended Nova Southeastern University Shepard Broad Law Center, which, as you can see is a prestigious school tanked up there with some of the worst junior colleges and study to be a medical technician joints you see advertised during daytime tv. 8th best law school in the state of Florida. Claims to be a Juris Doctor and have studied communications at Florida International University. Wonder what her SAT scores looked like?
  • Practicing Lawyer in Florida, but she never mentioned her mother and her were both involved in a real estate scam deal that resulted in her mother’s disbarment  in 2004
  • and according to this filed legal paperwork Kerry notarized a Deed that was proven later to have a fraudulent signature on it. You can see the document if you scroll down to the bottom. it is ‘Exhibit D’
  • Had or has a gourmet food truck
  • Claims to be a private pilot
  • Claimed to have  a degree in television production
  • Claims to speak 11 different languages but refuses to tell which ones. Pig latin doesn’t count.
  • Claims to be a prosecutor in the past
  • Claims to be an award winning salt dough artist
  • Claims to practice mostly Entertainment Law
  • Claims to have attened UCLA
  • Is thought to have gone by a number of aliases such as Kerry Haddad
  • Claims next door neighbors were FBI agents
  • Claims to have a farm filled with animals and goats in Central Florida yet has the free time to spent online spinning her Adam theories.
  • Claims to be a chef
  • Claims to have raised poison frogs for a living

I know I’ve missed a bunch so hit me up in the comments folks so that I might add to the list. It’s late here and I’m going to bed.

Adam Lambert Misquoting, Dying & Vamping

August 16, 2012

So the Sparkle Cows have been glamping up a storm, rushing all over the interwebs to beat on anyone not agreeing with the idea that Adam with silver hair isn’t the sex-sayesty thing on the planet!! Eleventyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111!

It’s the Billy Idol Grampa Look!!

Don’t believe me, just check out the comments on any website containing reference to the bleach do. Either comments have been disabled because of stupidity or all negative ones are buried in an avalanche of cow drool.

Later he added more chemical damage to his hair by dying the bottom black and leaving the tips silver. Here he is vamping/clamping/glamping it up as either an old homage to Adam Ant or some type of gay vampire on a teen show.

Doesn’t he just look precious? He’s ready for his closeup Mr. DeMille.

But the thing that drew me in to post about Madam tonight is his epic fail of a tattoo. Bhahahahah! Lookit it!

What is so wonderful about this tattoo is two different things…

A) It reads in Latin – “Music Soothes The Savage Beast” which is hysterical when you take into account his freakish beast-like Sparkle Cows. Subtle underhanded fuck you in my eyes.

b) But mostly because the quote is all wrong and I’m betting he doesn’t realize it.

Two of Congreve’s turns of phrase from The Mourning Bride (1697) have become famous, albeit frequently in misquotation:

“Music has charms to soothe a savage breast,” which is the first line of the play, spoken by Almeria in Act I, Scene 1. (The word “breast” is often misquoted as “beast”, and “has” sometimes appears as “hath”.)

Bhahahah! And he has to live with that hideously inked mistake forever now!!
Seriously Adam, bleach will eventually fry your hair and cause it to fall out like autumn leaves hitting the ground and none of this erases the fact that your second CD is a huge enormous flop.