Archive for the ‘Adam Lambert is next’ category

Adam Lambert Coloring Book

October 18, 2012

Yesterday some kind soul dropped this link into my lap –

The Adam Lambert Coloring Book

Hhhhhahahahhahahahhahahahahhaha!!! A COLORING book!  What are Sparkle Cows, like five years old?


The only way I can see actually buying and scribbling this coloring book is a) you’re intellectually challenged and like Adam or b) you are one of his 12 year old fans. Maybe if you are stuck in bed with a bad illness that requires serious narcotics and you need something simple to do to keep still in bed. Anything else is just pathetic.

This is the point in the crazy American Idol fandoms where the super crazy is released. There’s nothing much really happening with the artist, the second CD is a huge flop, there is no news, some fans drop off and the rest start conspiracy theories so complex they would be envied by tin hat wearers.

Next comes the dropping by RCA of Adam, cancelling the contract. No more CDs with RCA. The fans will spin this that now Madam will be free to pursue his ‘own original perfect’ music. That’s where the Cooktards are right now. More on them later.

And to the artist: That photo is linked to from Amazon. I’m not violating your ‘copyright’. Did you know that the image of Adam is intellectual property that belongs to his record company. Are you going to be paying them their cut of your sales?
Muuahahahahhaha! *insert evil laugh here*

Adam Lambert’s “Ass-Passing” err.. “Trespassing”

May 23, 2012

So I’ve only listened to a few songs off his new release and was neither impressed or disgusted. It sounds about like I expected something coming from Adam Lambert might sound. It’s just not my cup of tea, but neither is Cook’s music or much of anyone elses from Idol. The only two Idol contestants that I’ve broken down and bought the entire CDs of are Chris Sligh and Crystal Bowersox. Long live Mamasox!

Did download two songs from Lambert’s last CD to use on my gym mix with Pink, Shakira and Britney.

It does amuse me that the Sparkle Cows are attacking anyone that’s even slightly lukewarm on the CD or who damns it with faintest of praises much less negative reviews. Most of the reviews seem really mixed even if numbers are high right now. But we all know those numbers are only insanely high this week because the Sparkle Cows are each maxing out their credit cards buying copy after copy after copy like all good fantard groups do.

And all this nonsense about Adam being the first openly gay celeb to have a hit record. Oh, please, everyone knew Freddie Mercury wasn’t straight nor was K.D. Lang or Elton John. Sounds like something marketing dreamed up to be pushed by the Sparkle Cows.

Since I haven’t heard the entire CD yet I’m in no position to sound off on it. I did hear “Cuckoo” and didn’t much like it. Too contrived. But someone did sent me their own review after listening this week and I’m posting it here.

I wrote this whilst listening to Ass Passing. It did, however, make me fart. So there’s that.

His overall tone really annoys me, it’s so nasally and shrill but at the same time sounds like so many other singers, well a poor clone of them. There’s nothing distinctive about his voice. Or the material.

Trespassing – basic beat, repetitive, emotionless, autotune

Cuckoo – this sounds (melody wise) so done to death, like the first album it’s a clone of things past. That chorus

Shady – Ditto to Cuckoo, done to death. Ah this is the Sam Sparro song, a reject of his I think. Truly bland.

Never Close Our Eyes – I’m bored by the opening….oh and there we go with the beat that seems done by a cheap drumbeat. Number six on the programming I suspect. Nothing new, another clone of other crappy songs. I’m sure I heard its grandad at aerobics class in the eighties.

Kickin In – Pseudo house start goes to a dead dull beat. Well that was a big build up to boring. The chorus is reminiscent of trying to rip off Michael Jackson but failing. Somewhere around Thriller era.

Naked Love – Yodelling start emulates Gaga….are most of tbe beats/rhythm taken from a RuPaul album? Nah Ru puts a bit more effort into it. Layered vocals and lots of autotune and there’s the yelling…boring

Pop that lock – the title reminds me of his shitty Pop goes the Camera song pre Idol Ahahaha this song is stupid and wow I think I lost IQ points listening to the dumb lyrics.

Better than I know Myself – Awful start trying to pretend to be Kraftwerk then going straight into trite emo pop ballad mode. No wonder this bombed.

Broken English – SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING I couldn’t listen to more than the first 30 seconds of this

Underneath – Madam pretends to be touchy feely with a piano then puts on tight undies. A red river of screams? Is this an ode to TOM? I am bored listening to the screeching. Oh more screeching. And then some more. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAA AAAAWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Chokehold – Another slow and boring song with Madam whining about some shit. Sheets? Tight undies? He has a thread he’s hanging by, people. Enthralling stuff. Repeat the same thing over and over….Repeat the same thing over and over….Repeat the same thing over and over….Repeat the same thing over and over….Repeat the same thing over and over….blah.

Outlaws of Love – Oooo more moody Madam. Say that fast three times. Look he’s pretending to be a gay activist now after years of being indifference to the fight. The gays will see through this crap. More shitty lyrics, they’re on a level of Jack and Jill. Now he’s whining, always on the run my god stop the clichés. Borrrringggzzzzzzzzz ack now he’s mooing, must be to make the herd rub their udders.

Runnin – Axel F theme? No it’s Madam trying to be macho and failing. No shrieking so far. Bleh more clone pop music. And now the shrieking and repeating one word over and over and over….lots of filler doing this. Ooo thumpity thump drums and more repeating something. I sense a theme here. Screaming again.

Take Back – Slow start with piano then some jump to another cheap beat. Autotune arama on this one. Thank fuck this one’s only about three minutes long. Screaming. Boredom. Now I am thinking about going to the bathroom to give me an excuse to walk away from this but I have one song left.

Nirvana – Finally at the end and it’s as meh as the other songs. Slow, crappy beat, stupid lyrics. All these songs are the same, just at different speeds. Oh more tight undies singing.

Overall – crappy clone pop music. Nothing new, nothing distinctive. And such a scattered mix of by the numbers pop music too, this could be sung by any puppet on the charts. So much autotune too. Bletch. Thank fuck the songs are short.

What trite lyrics, in general. Unmemorable stuff, I cannot even hum any of it a few minutes after hearing it.

Reading this was more entertaining

I doubt the Sparkle Cows like it much.

Will be watching to see what the sales figures do in week two. The kicker will be a month out, two months out to see what Lambert’s chances are in trying to beat the Idol Sophomore Curse of being drop kicked by the record company.  I’ll be listening to  Kris “Who” Allen’s new CD too. I suspect it will be equally crappy.

leasthelpful.com/post/21573719716/iv-tex…myself-elliterat-lol

Double Delusion: David Cook Fans & Adam Lambert’s CD Release

May 14, 2012

Oh, how we see but through a glass darkly.

Cooktards are busy over at David Cook Official speculating on the possibility DCO will disappear with their Googleplex of drool postings.  Newsflash – This probably wasn’t a Dave driven decision, it was just business. He wasn’t giving RCA the return on investment. They dropped him. It’s business, not personal or soul searching or anything mystically retarded like that…

Some amusing samples.

A bit behind the times; just looked at Idol Hangover. I appreciate all of the posts here. My 1 cent; to me, it sounds like he undertook a life evaluation as he proceeds to the big 3-0 (as many have done). I think he decided what he wanted out of life personally and definitely professionally as how he wanted that to play out(e.g., the songwriting). I always thought of Nashville as only country, but have learned through you all it is quite a vibrant and creative general music community. I suspect it will suit him better. It also sounded like he wanted to put down roots in the community and already has several key connections. So, I am zen with it all (not that he asked me lol). I never much angsted re: his career; I save that stuff for my kids. But, I do really think he will continue to have career in music and will never live hand to mouth again. Certainly the cost of living in Nashville must be a lot less expensive than L.A. So, I see only positives here. He was so relaxed in this interview- he’s good; I think we can all be good IMHO.

don’t think Monty is living in LA now. Is he? It doesn’t matter. People can live anywhere and still collaborate.

D looks happy but also quite peaceful. So great to see. Nashville is not superclose to kcmo but it is only 260 miles to Terre haute, so he will be close to the cook side of the family. I am sure it will be great for them all, especially Adam’s kids, to have him around more often

Proper capitalization is your friend.

coolshades, Yes, bandmates can live all over the place, but I thought that usually happened more with big long-established acts who have their sound and process down. New bands I think benefit from proximity, just for logistics sake, if nothing else. Do any of Dave’s current bandmates live in the Nashville vicinity? I know Andy lives in LA but I’m not sure where the others call home. Sure, now that we have Skype and relatively secure digital means of sharing, more is definitely possible. But hopping over to the other’s house to crank out a demo will be tougher. Given that I’ve said all along that Dave’s band is a fluid thing, I wouldn’t be surprised if it goes through further changes with a move to Nashville.

Now that he’s no longer with RCA and time has passed from his Idol days, this is a great time for him to solidify a new band identity and sound, if he is so inclined. The pressures against that coming off of the Idol win have greatly dissipated. This is a new day. Anything is possible

Yeah, right, mostly a lot of begging for Kickstarter funds to record the third or fourth David Cook CD. Dig deep in your pockets you idiots.

I would think it would be kind of tough for all 4 band members to coordinate side jobs (they’ve still got to pay rent) with potential studio work/tours/gigs that might last days or weeks, especially when they’re far away from each other. It wouldn’t surprise me if the current band dissipates, and it wouldn’t surprise me to see DC form a new band in N’ville. Options are pretty open, I would think.
This seems like a much more comfortable fit for him. Never did understand why it’s supposedly important for a musician to live in H’wood. And, apologies to Scott and the California contingent, but he’s well out of owning property in a state that seems pretty certainly headed into a financial/budgetary tsunami.

WeepoleScott is at it again!! Eleventy!!!!!!!!!!11111111

WeHo Scott:

No apologies needed AT. But “headed?” Our state is already there, sad to say. I just hope Dave can get that house sold ASAP without taking a hit.

There is absolutely no reason for David to live in LA at this juncture. We’ll miss him but he’s got to make pragmatic decisions to support his art. I think Monty will likely end up on Austin with Phil Marshall and Daniel James, or head back to Tulsa. That doesn’t mean he wouldn’t tour with David. Too many unknowns right now. Much will depend on how much down time vs band time David will have over the next year.

Hey, no one’s discussed David pretty much hating the whole WGWG thing. You can see it in his face & body language. IMO he doesn’t just think it’s dismissive, looks like some pissed off resentment there. No surprise he would hate labels as much as “boxes.”

Dumbass, they’re called ‘white guys with guitars’ because a)they are all white, b)they all have guitars. No racism in that.

Scott – I only wish that David was not as polite as he was about the wgwg thing. Hell – rock music is wgswgs historically, and by putting that down, the media and others are dismissing the whole history of rock n roll since Elvis (that is not to say I am ignoring R & B and the blues and all that Elvis took from the African American musicians he emulated). It is taking all of rock and shoving into the corner.

If rappers were winning Idol, I wonder what the acronym might be. It is wrong to discriminate against anyone. Since when has musical expression with guitars and guys (and girls) of any background been something to demean?

And if one were to apply that to Country music, then the whole industry might as well pack up and leave.

Perhaps the young divas being touted on Idol are not all that good. Or they are too young to be magnetic and compelling?

So, yeah, I am with David and his (barely suppressed) anger at this ridiculous put down of multi-talented young men who happen to be white.

Well, I think Dave is more aware than anyone of the demographics of those who are avid voters on Idol. It is what it is. AI is designed with a structure that helps create this dynamic in the first place. So of course Dave is not happy with the dismissiveness towards the contestants. They’re all like family – talented and mostly deserving to be on that stage. At the same time, I’m sure he would love to see more diversity in the winners. I know he felt that many in his season were better singers than he was. What can a politic guy like Dave do but shrug and say stringing out WGWG as the culprits is wrong?

he’s doing it right. I’d like it a whole lot better if AI didn’t have that idiotic “we eat our young” mentality so every year’s contestants have to be “the best ever” and every good performance is “the best ever” — with the corollary that everything that came before was inferior. Dave is right: The similarities between him and subesequent winners are only superficial. Very different styles.

I am “over” AI (I was not ever into it to begin with, Dave was a FLUKE for me, sigh) — only, it is stupid to be “over” it as long as it is a way to get D’s music in front of millions. I would imagine he will ride that pony till it falls over, and really, that is the only smart thing to do at this point. Take the good that can result, and just mentally chuck all the silliness that goes with the scene.

“Save the manatees,” indeed. lol.

Re the band? Lots of possibilities there. Devin’s always struck me as a kind of a free agent anyhow; Nick’s too new for me to know what to think; Monty, well, Monty, I think, will be in Nashville when he needs to, if that is the deal. Andy’s plans after he gets married are anybody’s guess, but … I’m pretty fond of Andy, and the music Dave and Andy make together. I’d hate to see them split up. I hope somehow it can still work out for them to keep making music together. I think Nashville could actually be really good for Andy but there are two people in a couple and multiple jobs to consider. i am sure that all the angles have been hashed out and will continue to be hashed out as the months unfold…..

minstrel, from what I’ve seen AI has been great to David and this week has been a case in point. I readily admit that I was wrong to think he should distance himself from the show. They do support him. The “best season evah” schtick is just tv.
The WGWG meme bothers me too since, like he said, it’s dismissive and these guys are very different from eachother in style. Unfortunately the media has a short attention span and generalizes… and it’s cynical. I don’t see AI doing that themselves though, they gain nothing from it.

People I know who are casual fans around here have been saying that he looks different… calm and happy like he’s in a good place. Perhaps this new development is something that will truly be good for him on many levels.

Uh,, scary obsessive ladies talking endlessly about minutia? Cook is still owned by the company store. Idol owns his ass in a contract so stiff and hardcore that the devil is jealous his lawyers in hell can’t come up with that type of unbreakable bs.

Hi there everyone. I really cannot set DC aside and fully concentrate on RL, especially RL paperwork which is never fun.

I’m relieved that David and RCA have agreed to part ways with dignity. I always expect dignity from David. I’m on “record” here as one of those who suspected that TLM was a difficult process based on what David said about his own mind set and also the references he made in the Making Of video to the musical identity diffusion he experienced and that he had to fight thru.

I never thought that David wanted or should try to alienate from Idol. How would that be with Simon Fuller XIX as management? I wonder what XIX is planning for David. I hope that David releases FHTZ as another Buzz single in coordination with a samba performance on SYTYCD.

So glad to hear that the band will finally be heading out of N. America, even for a few concerts. The timing of the announcements, or rumors, is interesting since David said that everything would depend on how well TLS goes. Maybe they’ve already seen enough to give a green light? That thought brings a smile to my face for sure.

As far as the move to Nashville is concerned, I think it is a wise move, for personal lifestyle, family, and professional reasons. I’m pretty sure he’ll have some base of operations in LA too if his band members stay there. If Andrew stays there, maybe David will be able to crash with his younger bro, lol role reversal. Andy has his MWK connections in LA. Nick has his other gigs as does Devin.

Loving Post RCA David Cookdom.

blah, blah, blah…

one of my “gifts” of the last song on thursday was to my ds living in wichita. he hadn’t gotten around to listening to it till today. “that’s a really good song. i like it.” grins.

this whole wgwg thing…dave said in some interview around tlm release that he had a chip on his shoulder about it and it pissed him off. pisses me off too. not just for his sake, cuz i like kris’s music too. it also disses about 40 years of rock n roll. i may be mistaken, but isn’t eric clapton a wgwg? how about pete townsend? “tense is important” lol

How dare you mention the great Eric Clapton or one of the greatest guitarist in one of the best bands in the world like they are mere karaoke singers like wgwg. I’d cower in case the Lord Almighty sends a bolt of lightening up your ass.

I’ll go on record here as saying it will come as NO surprise to me if Dave signs a record deal with Island Records/Universal Music real soon.

…and you might start peeing hundred dollar bills too.. Riighttt

and of the one more delusional tards, Minstrel, slaughtering innocent reams of forum pixels with her blathering..

I do want to say here — a couple things. Or, really, a moderate amount about one thing. Because I am pretty sure Dave reads this thread, or someone close to him does. Too much circumstantial evidence for it not to be so. Back in the day the traffic was such that it was hard to keep up but it is not like that now.

And what I would say, if i knew D was reading, would be this: You’re going to have to steer the fan-ship now. Because there is a lot of passionate emotion directed toward the viability of your career, and that can be good for you, but in some respects it can also be not so good if it is not well-coordinated or at least guided by some clarity about what you want/need.

A good percentage of hardcores (not all, but not a negligible number) come out of a world that loves to vote to save their faves, you know? And now that you are indie — at least for the moment — and you have asked for help? There is a lot of dedicated activity directed at helping. All very good. But it is easy for stuff to get chaotic if there is not guidance. Particularly in terms of a radio strategy, stateside and elsewhere: Street team ideas that might work great in the Phillippines or Indonesia are not necessarily going to work great in the US of A, and vice versa. People are determined to do as much as they can to help you flourish, because we want this so much for you, Dave. But we need to know what is helpful, beyond buying multiple copies and talking to people we know in our lives and sharing via normal social media channels.

So Dave, I dunno — you might consider going back to the blogging or the vlogging or find some designated other ways of letting us know the strategy you would like us to pursue. Support needs to be effectively channeled now, or I think we could end up doing some harm along with all the good. There are smart people out here, hard workers, dedicated — but emotions are also running fairly high, you know? Excited for you and concerned for you. For good or ill, that’s how we roll, I guess. In the absence of info, the general assumption is sometimes that there is a gap in planning, and people will try to fill the perceived vacuum. Sometimes that could be ok, but sometimes, not so much. So just give us some direction. New strategies for your brave new world.

That is what I would say. If I knew Dave were listening.

Carry on.

Yeah, yeah, you old nannas keep street teaming for Dave. I’m going to bed. Adam and his release will have to wait till tomorrow. But I’m sure his Sparkle Cows are secretly shitting cow-bricks knowing that if this so-so CD doesn’t sell it will be Adam’s sparkling ass on the label chopping block. History does have a way or repeating itself with those that never learn the lesson in the first place.

 

Reaction To David Cook’s Departure From RCA

May 11, 2012

I’d been expecting some great wailing and gnashing of teeth among the unwashed masses that comprise the David Cook fandom. And boards, splinter boards popping up like dandelions after a rain storm. To my surprise there hasn’t been much of this yet, either in Twitter feeds or at DCO.

So what has the reaction been among the tards?

Mostly delusional. That this being dropped by RCA is the best thing that could happen to him because it gives him a chance to be the hawt indie rawk god they think he is or that perhaps XIX & Simon Fuller will get him a better deal with more publicity than RCA could pull off.

But the tard contingent always says this when an Idol gets booted from the label. They always act like it was the artist decision, not the company cutting a two-note, one single wonder who’s not earning back what they’ve invested in him initially. Money talks, bullshit walks.. that’s the real reason labels drop artists, because they can no longer turn a profit. It’s simply business, good business practices.

And yet again WeePoleScott, the greasy go-fer at the LA television station is holding forth as the elder statesman of tard land. He’s copying threads to archive from DCO and making statements filled with deep disconnect from the truth. He’s pontificating in his own blowhard manner all over the internets right now.

Others have started to stupidly street team, tweeting places like Atlantic Records and other labels that the companies need to snap up David right now before anyone else does it.

But the truly interesting thing is that the Adam Lambert Sparkle Cows have been watching what’s going on and speculating about it. I suggest they get used to it because when Adam’s much delayed CD finally comes out and lays there like a giant glittery turd he’ll be next on the contractual chopping block. It’s really all about making money for the stockholders of the corporation. Sad that it’s come to that but it is.