Archive for the ‘David Cook’ category

David Cook Official is Officially Dead

November 28, 2012

Makes me wonder what will happen in his frau pack today. I expect to see weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth over the fact that 19 Entertainment simply allowed the domain to expire and Go Daddy yanked the site down. The fan-created sites will be hosting the mass mourning and MJ’s will be overrun by hysterical frau.

Having the site down won’t do Cookie’s career any good but it will take the fraus underground away from him in a official capacity.

If Christmas wasn’t just around the corner I’d be tempted to buy the domain name just to put up a front page that looked not dissimilar to the old page, have a click in for more content just to have to lead to a page with a huge HA-HA on it. But I need my dough for plum puddings and the like.

Cook, you are truly free now from the clutches of your old corporate record company. Go nuts.

ETA at 1:15 EST – Looks like the website has been resurrected from the dead. Wonder who paid for and owns it now? Cook even tweeted about it. The freak out going on by the fraus must have been intense.

Adam Lambert Coloring Book

October 18, 2012

Yesterday some kind soul dropped this link into my lap –

The Adam Lambert Coloring Book

Hhhhhahahahhahahahhahahahahhaha!!! A COLORING book!  What are Sparkle Cows, like five years old?


The only way I can see actually buying and scribbling this coloring book is a) you’re intellectually challenged and like Adam or b) you are one of his 12 year old fans. Maybe if you are stuck in bed with a bad illness that requires serious narcotics and you need something simple to do to keep still in bed. Anything else is just pathetic.

This is the point in the crazy American Idol fandoms where the super crazy is released. There’s nothing much really happening with the artist, the second CD is a huge flop, there is no news, some fans drop off and the rest start conspiracy theories so complex they would be envied by tin hat wearers.

Next comes the dropping by RCA of Adam, cancelling the contract. No more CDs with RCA. The fans will spin this that now Madam will be free to pursue his ‘own original perfect’ music. That’s where the Cooktards are right now. More on them later.

And to the artist: That photo is linked to from Amazon. I’m not violating your ‘copyright’. Did you know that the image of Adam is intellectual property that belongs to his record company. Are you going to be paying them their cut of your sales?
Muuahahahahhaha! *insert evil laugh here*

David Cook Fantards Search Nashville & Write Some Bad Poetry

August 24, 2012

I’ve  heard from (Redacted)  that a large number of Cooktards have been busy searching Music City for any sign of David, his girl friend, dog, left over garbage, third cousin twice removed, any small hint of what his address might be in the city. They say that many have tried some rather desperate possibly illegal measures to try and find his home. Hope there’s a gate, a guard and a gun or he’ll be facing some horrors I’m sure.
Someone sent me this Tweet that really made me laugh. Poor Cook is getting this stupid stuff messaged to him every day. Add another guard…

@LivingInAmber
My ♥ is your garden, @thedavidcook. Come, plant your seed. All the dreams you conceive, spread them on me. Whatever you sow is all I need.
19 Aug

Reminds me of this from the original BBC production for television of “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy” except it’s way more ick factor.

David Cook & Sig O – A Cautionary Tale..

July 2, 2012

Turns out some poor soul on Twitter by the name of Gradilea ran into Cook & Co. at LAX. He was kind enough to stop and talk for around fifteen minutes, holding hands and being all kissy with his gf while talking to Gradilea.

That is all well and good. Sounds to me like Cook is doing what people start doing at his age, having serious relationships that have a future with the gender of their choice. Nothing wrong with that. Good for him.

The problem is that poor Gradilea posted her tale on Twitter and a butt-load deluge of his wack-pack fandom immediately started twittering Gradilea about her Dave encounter and friending her. She has no idea that she’s fed the freaks, they don’t give a flying frink about her and they’ll just keep pumping her for info before dropping off once she has nothing more to say about the encounter. Some of them might even turn weird or threatening. It’s happened again and again in this wack job fandom.

She posted this:

Just talked to @thedavidcook at LAX. Seriously made my year. Even got a new picture!

That’s cool! But this started happening…..

@WordNerd4Life
@Gradilea I am BEYOND jealous. But extremely happy for you at the same time! @thedavidcook is amazing

Gradilea was kind enough to reply:

@Gradilea
@WordNerd4Life it was surreal! He was so polite and so was his girlfriend. He sat and talked to me for a good 15 mins.

Which brought this question of course:

@Hi_ImSus
@Gradilea So…..did the g/f introduce herself?

Translation for the Tard Language Impaired: How do you know it was his girlfriend??? Did she say it??? Who is this cunt passing herself off as Baldy’s girlfriend??? What is her name so we can stalk her????

And the reply:

@Gradilea
@Hi_ImSus not really. But they kissed and were all coupley

A familiar person that claims to not be over the top, stalking him or inappropriate sends her a message too~ she’s so popular now~

@rascalete
@Gradilea I would like to DM you, could you follow me. thanks

Our very own Rascalete who posts here to tell us we’re so wrong about the fandom. Gee, I wonder what she wanted to talk about in DM? What he was wearing, how he smelled, etc, etc..

Just the tip of the dirty iceberg….

 

David Cook Relocates

June 14, 2012

…and the stalkers are already planning on moving to Nashville or visiting to ‘bump’ into him. ‘Bump into him’ is tard-talk for ‘Stalk’

Yeah, Nashville, home of the Grand Ole Opry, Tootsie’s Orchid Lounge and the Tin Pan South Songwriters Festival. But whenever I think of Nashville I think of this great classic film and my ex.

Apparently Cook was spotted by a Cooktard shopping in a Target store in the vicinity. He wasn’t alone. He was with the mystery girlfriend.

This caused some sort of meltdown last night in Cooktardlandia. Once it came out he’s with someone the tards went nuts. How nuts? Apparently one of the saner ones had to actually verbalize this to shut some of them up.

www.twitlonger.com/show/hrbetu

PSA To My Timeline: If you were a fan of David Cook before it became known he has a girlfriend, and you no longer are a fan, please do us both a favor and unfollow me. I really enjoy talking to genuine fans of David Cook and refuse to watch so-called “fans” throw away his cds, talk bad about him, etc just because he has a girlfriend. Those people who are doing this, either were never really a fan or live in a completely different world than I do, where they think he is owned by he fans, and I don’t want to be part of your reality. Get a life!!!

If any of my followers don’t see my side of things, and you unfollow me,that’s fine. I understand. I am here as a DAVID COOK fan and enjoy my time here. I refuse to let it be ruined by haters or fans who believe a fellow human being like David shouldn’t have a life outside of his music career. He’s a human like everyone else on this planet!!! He’s allowed to have a private life regardless of what you “fans” think or feel. As a whole, we are a wonderful fanbase and I love you guys but I will not allow the haters/attention getters get in my way of staying a lifelong fan of David Cook!!!!

Some smarts for a change.

Perhaps we all should chip in or host a bake sale to get Cook’s sig-o a body guard and printed ‘Whos Who’ of tards with photos.

Wonder how many tards are making plans to move to Nashville? Are Coolshades and Wehoscott shopping for real estate in Nashville now?

I have been waiting for this moment with baited breath for some time. Stay safe mystery gf.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did everyone see that some random tard called Andrew Cook an ‘asshole’?  LOL

Adam Lambert’s “Ass-Passing” err.. “Trespassing”

May 23, 2012

So I’ve only listened to a few songs off his new release and was neither impressed or disgusted. It sounds about like I expected something coming from Adam Lambert might sound. It’s just not my cup of tea, but neither is Cook’s music or much of anyone elses from Idol. The only two Idol contestants that I’ve broken down and bought the entire CDs of are Chris Sligh and Crystal Bowersox. Long live Mamasox!

Did download two songs from Lambert’s last CD to use on my gym mix with Pink, Shakira and Britney.

It does amuse me that the Sparkle Cows are attacking anyone that’s even slightly lukewarm on the CD or who damns it with faintest of praises much less negative reviews. Most of the reviews seem really mixed even if numbers are high right now. But we all know those numbers are only insanely high this week because the Sparkle Cows are each maxing out their credit cards buying copy after copy after copy like all good fantard groups do.

And all this nonsense about Adam being the first openly gay celeb to have a hit record. Oh, please, everyone knew Freddie Mercury wasn’t straight nor was K.D. Lang or Elton John. Sounds like something marketing dreamed up to be pushed by the Sparkle Cows.

Since I haven’t heard the entire CD yet I’m in no position to sound off on it. I did hear “Cuckoo” and didn’t much like it. Too contrived. But someone did sent me their own review after listening this week and I’m posting it here.

I wrote this whilst listening to Ass Passing. It did, however, make me fart. So there’s that.

His overall tone really annoys me, it’s so nasally and shrill but at the same time sounds like so many other singers, well a poor clone of them. There’s nothing distinctive about his voice. Or the material.

Trespassing – basic beat, repetitive, emotionless, autotune

Cuckoo – this sounds (melody wise) so done to death, like the first album it’s a clone of things past. That chorus

Shady – Ditto to Cuckoo, done to death. Ah this is the Sam Sparro song, a reject of his I think. Truly bland.

Never Close Our Eyes – I’m bored by the opening….oh and there we go with the beat that seems done by a cheap drumbeat. Number six on the programming I suspect. Nothing new, another clone of other crappy songs. I’m sure I heard its grandad at aerobics class in the eighties.

Kickin In – Pseudo house start goes to a dead dull beat. Well that was a big build up to boring. The chorus is reminiscent of trying to rip off Michael Jackson but failing. Somewhere around Thriller era.

Naked Love – Yodelling start emulates Gaga….are most of tbe beats/rhythm taken from a RuPaul album? Nah Ru puts a bit more effort into it. Layered vocals and lots of autotune and there’s the yelling…boring

Pop that lock – the title reminds me of his shitty Pop goes the Camera song pre Idol Ahahaha this song is stupid and wow I think I lost IQ points listening to the dumb lyrics.

Better than I know Myself – Awful start trying to pretend to be Kraftwerk then going straight into trite emo pop ballad mode. No wonder this bombed.

Broken English – SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING I couldn’t listen to more than the first 30 seconds of this

Underneath – Madam pretends to be touchy feely with a piano then puts on tight undies. A red river of screams? Is this an ode to TOM? I am bored listening to the screeching. Oh more screeching. And then some more. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAA AAAAWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Chokehold – Another slow and boring song with Madam whining about some shit. Sheets? Tight undies? He has a thread he’s hanging by, people. Enthralling stuff. Repeat the same thing over and over….Repeat the same thing over and over….Repeat the same thing over and over….Repeat the same thing over and over….Repeat the same thing over and over….blah.

Outlaws of Love – Oooo more moody Madam. Say that fast three times. Look he’s pretending to be a gay activist now after years of being indifference to the fight. The gays will see through this crap. More shitty lyrics, they’re on a level of Jack and Jill. Now he’s whining, always on the run my god stop the clichés. Borrrringggzzzzzzzzz ack now he’s mooing, must be to make the herd rub their udders.

Runnin – Axel F theme? No it’s Madam trying to be macho and failing. No shrieking so far. Bleh more clone pop music. And now the shrieking and repeating one word over and over and over….lots of filler doing this. Ooo thumpity thump drums and more repeating something. I sense a theme here. Screaming again.

Take Back – Slow start with piano then some jump to another cheap beat. Autotune arama on this one. Thank fuck this one’s only about three minutes long. Screaming. Boredom. Now I am thinking about going to the bathroom to give me an excuse to walk away from this but I have one song left.

Nirvana – Finally at the end and it’s as meh as the other songs. Slow, crappy beat, stupid lyrics. All these songs are the same, just at different speeds. Oh more tight undies singing.

Overall – crappy clone pop music. Nothing new, nothing distinctive. And such a scattered mix of by the numbers pop music too, this could be sung by any puppet on the charts. So much autotune too. Bletch. Thank fuck the songs are short.

What trite lyrics, in general. Unmemorable stuff, I cannot even hum any of it a few minutes after hearing it.

Reading this was more entertaining

I doubt the Sparkle Cows like it much.

Will be watching to see what the sales figures do in week two. The kicker will be a month out, two months out to see what Lambert’s chances are in trying to beat the Idol Sophomore Curse of being drop kicked by the record company.  I’ll be listening to  Kris “Who” Allen’s new CD too. I suspect it will be equally crappy.

leasthelpful.com/post/21573719716/iv-tex…myself-elliterat-lol

Reaction To David Cook’s Departure From RCA

May 11, 2012

I’d been expecting some great wailing and gnashing of teeth among the unwashed masses that comprise the David Cook fandom. And boards, splinter boards popping up like dandelions after a rain storm. To my surprise there hasn’t been much of this yet, either in Twitter feeds or at DCO.

So what has the reaction been among the tards?

Mostly delusional. That this being dropped by RCA is the best thing that could happen to him because it gives him a chance to be the hawt indie rawk god they think he is or that perhaps XIX & Simon Fuller will get him a better deal with more publicity than RCA could pull off.

But the tard contingent always says this when an Idol gets booted from the label. They always act like it was the artist decision, not the company cutting a two-note, one single wonder who’s not earning back what they’ve invested in him initially. Money talks, bullshit walks.. that’s the real reason labels drop artists, because they can no longer turn a profit. It’s simply business, good business practices.

And yet again WeePoleScott, the greasy go-fer at the LA television station is holding forth as the elder statesman of tard land. He’s copying threads to archive from DCO and making statements filled with deep disconnect from the truth. He’s pontificating in his own blowhard manner all over the internets right now.

Others have started to stupidly street team, tweeting places like Atlantic Records and other labels that the companies need to snap up David right now before anyone else does it.

But the truly interesting thing is that the Adam Lambert Sparkle Cows have been watching what’s going on and speculating about it. I suggest they get used to it because when Adam’s much delayed CD finally comes out and lays there like a giant glittery turd he’ll be next on the contractual chopping block. It’s really all about making money for the stockholders of the corporation. Sad that it’s come to that but it is.