Archive for the ‘Insane Fans’ category

David Cook Official is Officially Dead

November 28, 2012

Makes me wonder what will happen in his frau pack today. I expect to see weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth over the fact that 19 Entertainment simply allowed the domain to expire and Go Daddy yanked the site down. The fan-created sites will be hosting the mass mourning and MJ’s will be overrun by hysterical frau.

Having the site down won’t do Cookie’s career any good but it will take the fraus underground away from him in a official capacity.

If Christmas wasn’t just around the corner I’d be tempted to buy the domain name just to put up a front page that looked not dissimilar to the old page, have a click in for more content just to have to lead to a page with a huge HA-HA on it. But I need my dough for plum puddings and the like.

Cook, you are truly free now from the clutches of your old corporate record company. Go nuts.

ETA at 1:15 EST – Looks like the website has been resurrected from the dead. Wonder who paid for and owns it now? Cook even tweeted about it. The freak out going on by the fraus must have been intense.

Adam Lambert Coloring Book

October 18, 2012

Yesterday some kind soul dropped this link into my lap –

The Adam Lambert Coloring Book

Hhhhhahahahhahahahhahahahahhaha!!! A COLORING book!  What are Sparkle Cows, like five years old?


The only way I can see actually buying and scribbling this coloring book is a) you’re intellectually challenged and like Adam or b) you are one of his 12 year old fans. Maybe if you are stuck in bed with a bad illness that requires serious narcotics and you need something simple to do to keep still in bed. Anything else is just pathetic.

This is the point in the crazy American Idol fandoms where the super crazy is released. There’s nothing much really happening with the artist, the second CD is a huge flop, there is no news, some fans drop off and the rest start conspiracy theories so complex they would be envied by tin hat wearers.

Next comes the dropping by RCA of Adam, cancelling the contract. No more CDs with RCA. The fans will spin this that now Madam will be free to pursue his ‘own original perfect’ music. That’s where the Cooktards are right now. More on them later.

And to the artist: That photo is linked to from Amazon. I’m not violating your ‘copyright’. Did you know that the image of Adam is intellectual property that belongs to his record company. Are you going to be paying them their cut of your sales?
Muuahahahahhaha! *insert evil laugh here*

Congratulations to Jennie Nye & Andy Skib…

September 27, 2012

….and sorry about the freakin’ clueless fans obsessing over getting the happy couple a wedding gift. I would not be surprised if the crazier/bolder don’t try to crash the wedding. I hope that on Saturday everything goes smoothly and stalker-free. May the girl with the bad tattoo stay far away.

Turns out over at a certain Facebook page – Skiblets – https://www.facebook.com/groups/501446366536736/ – they are having drama over this wedding gift idea. Apparently the bridal registry wasn’t publicly posted for the fans but you know how some seem to have superior Googling without Probable Cause skillz and found the Macy’s registry.  Some think, and rightly so, that since Andy didn’t include the fan base in announcing the wedding registry it is not appropriate to send a gift. Typically the same ones that usually trample all over the rules of society think they have every right to send a gift and anyone that thinks otherwise is a hater. Drama has ensued.

I am just happy that a few members of Skiblets have enough common sense to realize that sending a wedding gift from the registry isn’t such a good idea. Be happy for them instead of sending any gift. Love is getting rarer in our world it seems and they’ve been lucky enough to find it in each other.

David Cook Fantards Search Nashville & Write Some Bad Poetry

August 24, 2012

I’ve  heard from (Redacted)  that a large number of Cooktards have been busy searching Music City for any sign of David, his girl friend, dog, left over garbage, third cousin twice removed, any small hint of what his address might be in the city. They say that many have tried some rather desperate possibly illegal measures to try and find his home. Hope there’s a gate, a guard and a gun or he’ll be facing some horrors I’m sure.
Someone sent me this Tweet that really made me laugh. Poor Cook is getting this stupid stuff messaged to him every day. Add another guard…

@LivingInAmber
My ♥ is your garden, @thedavidcook. Come, plant your seed. All the dreams you conceive, spread them on me. Whatever you sow is all I need.
19 Aug

Reminds me of this from the original BBC production for television of “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy” except it’s way more ick factor.

Chick Fil A & the Summer of Crazy Hate

August 17, 2012

All this limelight focused upon Chick Fil A and their anti gay marriage stance has reawakened a long slumbering breast, err, beast, Ms. Kerry Kolsch and her American Idol conspiracy theories. Even a few of the religious sites mentioned her belief that homophobia caused Chick Fil A and AT&T to ban together to block Adam Lambert from winning American Idol.

Ever since Dan Cathy mentioned in an interview his stance on homosexual marriage I’ve been expecting the lunatic ravings of Kerry to explode online after she recovered from her initial seizure. Pages and pages, virtual reams about the repression of any form of homosexuality by Chick Fil A and the second place finish of Adam Lambert. I keep imagining her twitching and foaming at the mouth on August 1st, Chick Fil A Appreciation Day surrounded by the beasts of her alleged ‘farm’.

Yeah, I know, a book and reams of crap online she’s written over some guy wearing makeup winning second place on a tv show. Really. Of all the problems in this world, like global warming, the economy, health care, the war on women’s rights, gay rights and she chooses to be incensed over a television show that happened back in 2009? Yes, she does, still to this day.

Unfortunately someone over at The Advocate neglected to do any research on this bizarre princess of television conspiracy theories. They gave her theories some discussion in a legitimate article on Chick Fil A’s tendency to repress homos in an article. The writer lazily decided not to research her lack of validity and the fact that she is one of those wonderful internet laughing stocks. Someone needs to submit her name and story to the Encyclopedia Dramatica site. She belongs right up there with Liz Bateman and others. She’s morphed into an internet wide trolldom.

Someone at The Advocate finally figured out they had quoted a wackadoo as a source and altered the piece to indicate her lack of credentials. She trotted out her mother, disbarred Florida lawyer Elaine McKillop, to fight with her detractors in the comments. Now Kolsch has taken her toys over to Melinda Green’s blog  Top Iol to fight the laughing hordes there too.

Her ponderously long ravings about Adam Lambert barely interest me. What I find very interesting is all of her claims freely posted all over the internet that seem impossible or contradictory.

Example? Early in the whole Idol season with Adam she posted this over on the LA Weekly back in 2009. It’s still up, you cannot fake a date timestamp like she is claiming. Here’s that posting..

There should be a carbon tax on Ann Power’s hot air. She must pride herself on using a paragraph to express something that can be said in a sentence. Ann is the biggest fan of her own ego way more then she is a fan of Adam Lambert. Adam sang beautifully and nailed a difficult song and her complaint is that Adam accomplished what people expected Adam to do, so Adam should have chosen a different song more to her liking. Her incoherence is only matched by her verbosity.

Posted by: Kerry Kolsch | May 13, 2009 at 10:40 AM

and another comment with very similar wording also listed as from Kerry but this time from Yahoo article – http:// voices.yahoo.com/adam-lamberts-not-so-true-hollywood-story-7251598.html?cat=2

Ann, I totally disagree with you. Adam owned the stage as he does every time he performs. There was not contest between him and the other guys last night or any night. My husband, who is a university professor, has an instruction that he gives his speech class every semester, it applies to you, “if you can’t be good, be brief”. There should be a carbon tax on your waste of hot air.

Posted by: Kerry Kolsch | May 13, 2009 at 04:43 AM

In other posts from that time frame she’s claimed that she lives with her professor-husband overseas in England, yet she now claims to be an out and proud lesbian who’s never been married to a professor or lived in the United Kingdom? Lying?

Here’s her list of accomplishments that sound ridiculously fishy when viewed as a list.

  • Attended Nova Southeastern University Shepard Broad Law Center, which, as you can see is a prestigious school tanked up there with some of the worst junior colleges and study to be a medical technician joints you see advertised during daytime tv. 8th best law school in the state of Florida. Claims to be a Juris Doctor and have studied communications at Florida International University. Wonder what her SAT scores looked like?
  • Practicing Lawyer in Florida, but she never mentioned her mother and her were both involved in a real estate scam deal that resulted in her mother’s disbarment  in 2004
  • and according to this filed legal paperwork Kerry notarized a Deed that was proven later to have a fraudulent signature on it. You can see the document if you scroll down to the bottom. it is ‘Exhibit D’
  • Had or has a gourmet food truck
  • Claims to be a private pilot
  • Claimed to have  a degree in television production
  • Claims to speak 11 different languages but refuses to tell which ones. Pig latin doesn’t count.
  • Claims to be a prosecutor in the past
  • Claims to be an award winning salt dough artist
  • Claims to practice mostly Entertainment Law
  • Claims to have attened UCLA
  • Is thought to have gone by a number of aliases such as Kerry Haddad
  • Claims next door neighbors were FBI agents
  • Claims to have a farm filled with animals and goats in Central Florida yet has the free time to spent online spinning her Adam theories.
  • Claims to be a chef
  • Claims to have raised poison frogs for a living

I know I’ve missed a bunch so hit me up in the comments folks so that I might add to the list. It’s late here and I’m going to bed.

Adam Lambert’s Sparkle Cows Piss on Queen Fans

July 19, 2012

So now the gig is up and done and it’s provided those of us that don’t care for Madam Lambert’s voice but do find his appearance giggle-worthy lots of fodder. Like this photo with Elmo photoshopped in to coordinate with the jacket/shag rug Adam is wearing.

That’s just dead sex-say isn’t it? About as sexy as Brian May’s truss I guess.
To the Queen fans: Did I not warn you that the Adam Lambert fans, the Sparkle Cows, were some of the pushiest, nastiest, over the top, deludenoids on the planet? Tell me, what has happened on the Queen message boards since the concerts?  That’s right, you’ve all been attacked, word pistol whipped, subjected to vats of verbal vomit if you do not proclaim that Adam is worthy to stand in the mighty big shoes of one Freddie Mercury. They insanely foaming at the mouth over at Queen Official I’ve seen. For days. Pure insanity. Well, you were warned and didn’t take it seriously. Good luck getting rid of those ancient biddies now.

Also noticed that one of Sanjaya’s biggest fans, Mithra, has been jumping into the fray under one of her usual names, stirring the pot. You poor bastards!

I could post reams of their idiocy but I’m not going to. I’m just going to post what a friend of mine who is a long time Queen fan like myself had to say of the difference between Queen fans and shrieky Madam’s Sparkle Cows.

The thing that’s so pathetic at this point is the poor, unsuspecting Queen fans, and the Cows blasting them just because they’re QUEEN fans and not MADAM fans. Some of them seem okay with Madam, some not, and woe be unto anyone who doesn’t proclaim Madam the greatest supahstah in the history of ever.

Some of these folks have been following Queen for a long, long time. Not because they want to bonk any of the members, but because they like Queen’s music. So here comes this screeching tool that most of them have never heard of. Not all of them like it, others are just happy to see Queen onstage in whatever incarnation they can get at this point. Then the Cows come along and rip them all a new asshole. And you know they’ve all got to be wondering what the hell is provoking these lunatics. Hell if the Queen fans thought Brian or Roger sucked, they’d say so. But God forbid anyone give Madam anything less than a glowing review every time he so much as takes a shit.

David Cook & Sig O – A Cautionary Tale..

July 2, 2012

Turns out some poor soul on Twitter by the name of Gradilea ran into Cook & Co. at LAX. He was kind enough to stop and talk for around fifteen minutes, holding hands and being all kissy with his gf while talking to Gradilea.

That is all well and good. Sounds to me like Cook is doing what people start doing at his age, having serious relationships that have a future with the gender of their choice. Nothing wrong with that. Good for him.

The problem is that poor Gradilea posted her tale on Twitter and a butt-load deluge of his wack-pack fandom immediately started twittering Gradilea about her Dave encounter and friending her. She has no idea that she’s fed the freaks, they don’t give a flying frink about her and they’ll just keep pumping her for info before dropping off once she has nothing more to say about the encounter. Some of them might even turn weird or threatening. It’s happened again and again in this wack job fandom.

She posted this:

Just talked to @thedavidcook at LAX. Seriously made my year. Even got a new picture!

That’s cool! But this started happening…..

@WordNerd4Life
@Gradilea I am BEYOND jealous. But extremely happy for you at the same time! @thedavidcook is amazing

Gradilea was kind enough to reply:

@Gradilea
@WordNerd4Life it was surreal! He was so polite and so was his girlfriend. He sat and talked to me for a good 15 mins.

Which brought this question of course:

@Hi_ImSus
@Gradilea So…..did the g/f introduce herself?

Translation for the Tard Language Impaired: How do you know it was his girlfriend??? Did she say it??? Who is this cunt passing herself off as Baldy’s girlfriend??? What is her name so we can stalk her????

And the reply:

@Gradilea
@Hi_ImSus not really. But they kissed and were all coupley

A familiar person that claims to not be over the top, stalking him or inappropriate sends her a message too~ she’s so popular now~

@rascalete
@Gradilea I would like to DM you, could you follow me. thanks

Our very own Rascalete who posts here to tell us we’re so wrong about the fandom. Gee, I wonder what she wanted to talk about in DM? What he was wearing, how he smelled, etc, etc..

Just the tip of the dirty iceberg….