Posted tagged ‘Casey James’

Man Boobs & The American Idol

August 1, 2011

Today I’m laying off the crazy fans and types like Mary Ann/Holly Sockpuppets and looking at some of the Idols themselves.

Mmmmbop kindly posted a link in the comments the other night to a clip of Adam Lambert singing his upcoming new single in concert. Something called ‘Outlaws of Love’

Thoughts? Looks like he’s rocking a similar look as “Hook” bad boy Rufio

Also in the comments some saw Man Boobs on Adam – or as I like to call them Moobs. I saw no moobs but then again I ditched after the first minute because the shrieking of the fans was ruining it for me. If I wanted to hear shrieking like that I’d just run over the foot of one of my Bumpass neighbors across the street with my car.

But it did lead me to start thinking about Moobs and the average American Idol male. Who does and doesn’t have Mooobs, who is likely to develop them. I’m thinking Taylor Hicks is probably hiding a pair and surely as plump as Clay Aiken has gotten he’s ready for a manzier or bro. My personal favorite Chris Sligh has got ’em.

You moob spotters, what type did you see? I have Moob charts below just for comparison purposes.

Leave a comment and I’ll get to them later. Right now I have to get a possum out of my washer.

What Other Fantards Do You Know?

June 9, 2011

I’m not going to talk about David Cook’s failed single, intra-fan wars over the single, Kerry Kolsch goes Green Acres or some of the restless silly in any of the other fandoms. I’m not even going to pick on Mary Ann/Holly Sockpuppets today as I sense she’s busy trying to get that room mate for her townhouse advertised in the papers and changing the name of ‘David Cook Uncensored’ to the ‘David Cook News Board’.

Just a caution: If you answer an ad to rent a room in Yardley, Pennsylvania please make sure you Google your potential landlord’s name.

Instead I’d like to ask you what other crazy fandoms you laugh over and follow. Please share in the comments.

Are there any over-involved fandoms or folks out there that make you laugh besides the crazy American Idol ones? I know there are tons of crazier than the most horny Claymate fantards out there of many different things, everything from beauty pageants to plastic model horses besides the garden variety sort following actors/musicians/politicians. Share what crazy fan groups that bear examination, laughing and pointing.

I had my very own fantard spotting this morning – I had a tard-spotting today at Target but I didn’t know it until the silly gal was driving away.

I was minding my own business, standing in line to buy some random junk for the house when the whole damn register belt ‘Tha-WHUMP!’ Looked up and saw a 30sih-40ish woman with an ass the size of Cincinatti but with a regular fatty above the waist. Weird looking, like someone sawed a very fat chick in two and a regular fat gal in two and then reconnected the wrong bits. Oh she was rocking the sartorial splendor of a hot summer day in the Virginia Piedmont. She wore a the squished and dusty pair of black Crocs with faded to mid-gray old black stretch pants with a t-shirt resplendent with a photo of the two leads of the “Twilight” series with the motto “Twilight” above it.

Okay, so it’s not a crime to not know how to dress appropriately for age, body type and social situation. I ain’t no (to steal L Anne Carrington’s phrase) ‘stuck up skeleton whore’ ‘SWANKY’ (yeah, I’m fat) but what she wore didn’t do her any favors. But I didn’t think anything much of it, maybe it was the first thing she could find. No idea about trip to tardtown yet.

This big old redhead keep yapping at first about how ‘sorry’ she was that the store Hoverround cart she was riding rammed the checkout stand. She was told, no problem. And then it got weird.

Miss Hoverround started to speak, very sotto voice, muttering to herself like the crazed shopping cart lady in the park that tries to preach to the squirrels. She started softly enough before she proceeded to mutter just loud enough for us to hear about how some people didn’t realize they were taking up space in the handicapped line without being handicapped. WTF? It was the only line open and I had 3 items. She complained about the smallness of the aisles for the handicapped, how Target had no respect for the handicapped, blah, blah, blah and other bizarre mutterings. The cashier and I just kept staring at each other and rolling our eyes over Lil Miss Fatty Handicapped.

Let me state here I have no problem with fat people in general but I do when they need to walk and clearly refuse to do so because the store offers a Hoverround cart for the aged or infirm. At that point I had no idea if she was or wasn’t handicapped.

I get my shit and get, go over to the Starbucks inside our Target to get a Venti Latte, it’s hotter than hammered hell here. I get my iced coffee just in time to see Miss Handicapped get off the store rascal and oh so slowly waddle out the front door with her two bags of junk food. (Did I mention she had ice cream, ho-hos and fritos along with other high fat low nutrition things? Yes, I’m being super stupid judgemental..) We were going out to the parking lot at the same time, in the time it took her to walk out to her vehicle (near mine at least 30 spaces from the front door) I had my stuff in the car, the cart put up and I was sitting in my car, curious why she wasn’t parked in the Handicapped parking section right next to the store. She finally got in her mini van and pulled out just in time for me to read about twenty Harry Potter and Twilight bumper stickers on the back of the car, including a couple for fan fiction websites blaring proudly the links.

Oh how I wished I’d have been able to reach my cell phone camera I would have photographed this nutty Twitarder/Pottertard in all her glory. Suddenly I understand the five foot wide ass and lack of social skills. I wish I knew her username on Fan Fiction dot net and the other sites because I have a sneaking suspicion she probably writes scads of Harry Potter getting boffed by Edward the vampire porn. It would be laugh and point worthy.

So, what other crazy fantardships do you know of out there. Let me know in the comments.

American Idol – It Begins Again

January 18, 2011

You know I promised myself I was not going to watch Idol this year at all. I barely watched last year but this year it was going to be not on my viewing schedule. But then it happened, I got sucked back in.

One of my other New Years Resolutions was that I would be kinder when I posted online. I’d gotten bored with frau crazy and hadn’t planned on posting here much at all. This changes everything. Being nice is overrated anyhoo and my family is already aware of my big old meanie-dom.

Once word came out that one of the contestants was going to be a Lafayette Louisiana Coonass by the name of Jacee Chipcoon Badeaux I knew it was useless for me to even try. I am a Coonass and am related to most of the other Coonasses in South Louisiana. I must support young Jacee and be on Team Coonass. Jacee all the way.

But I will not tard. That’s not going to stop others though. The ever sexy, talented, funny and wonderful Dr. Lulzington even did his own anticipatory to American Idol and new tarding tribute today. Any males that have made it to American Idol need to watch this and be prewarned or face the fates of David Cook, Adam Lambert, Clay Aiken and that…that… gray haired squirrely looking one.. can’t remember his name… Taylor something. Hicks? I don’t know. Having a menopause moment here.

Bring on the new frau bait!

Dear Santa

December 21, 2010

I’m not going to comment on the Tulsa thing except to say it happened and it happened about like many of us here speculate. Cook was a no show it sounds like. Andy and Neal had to stare out into a sea of the usual faces.

One of Adam Lambert’s backup dancers, Sasha Mallory, is auctioning off his mask and cane used in the Glamnation tour to raise money for a sick relative. Normally I would never encourage fantarding but…. it’s a good cause. Check it out at Ebay.

At another board I’m a member of we played an interesting game called “Dear Santa” as in what would you like Santa to gift to people this year. I think it would be fun in honor of the holidays to list what we’d like our favorite/least favorite Idols to receive. Here’s my list.

Lee DeWyse – A return to his true talent. Working at the paint store.
Crystal Bowersox – Huge sales numbers for her new CD.
Sanjaya – Never to grace our television sets again except for a turn on Dr. Drew’s ‘Celebrity Rehab’
Jason Castro – To join Sanjaya in ‘Celebrity Rehab’
Big Mike – His own show on the Food Network called “Late Night Sandwich”
Danny Gokey – To be banned for life from ever recording another Christmas CD
Casey James – A fabulous first CD and conditioner, lots and lots of conditioner.
Chris Sligh – A membership to Golds Gym and more kids
Clay Aiken – Lumps of coal
Melinda Doolittle – A great career in the Christian music field
Taylor Hicks – A job that is a little better than singing one song in an all over the hinterlands review
Ruben Studdard – A big old sandwich (and a job)
Adam Lambert – Not going to touch that one with a ten foot pole, I don’t know what to wish upon him. Saner fans?
David Cook – Freedom to do as he pleases
David Archuletta – Someone worth kissing
Fantasia – That she stay far far away from over the counter drugs.
American Idol – To die a swift death this year as the ratings plummet. It’s jumped the snark, err, shark

Most of all I wish for peace on earth and joy for everyone (except for Gokey..ugh, shudder)

What do you think Santa should bring.

Fun With Mad Men, JibJab & Drag Queens

July 12, 2010

Quick, quick, quick! Paging Ms. Top Idol! Since you share my love of “Mad Men” you should check out the Mad Men feature at JibJab.

I’m lazy and only had these two lame heads saved in my JibJab account so I just took the lazy gal’s way out and used these stupid Idol heads..

Mad American Idol Men

After my Tweet-Rant this morning I laughed loudly to spot this tweet by Adam Lambert. Apparently he’s having quite an adventure in Lansing MI involving drag queens, cabs and McDonalds. Such a glamorous life he leads! What type of tour is this?

Speaking of drag queens, or just women that come across as drag queens, I wastefully frittered away an hour watching for Casey James on The Wendy Williams Show. I had to roll my eyes as Wendy brayed out again and again to Casey’s face how ‘hot’ he was like she was an oversexed underdone fraulene Casey Cougartard.

I watched for the express purpose of trying to parse if Casey is genuinely naive, just pretty darn stupid or is a Southern Mama’s boy with nice manners. Leaning towards Nice Southern Mamas Boy after what little he said in the interview. Wasn’t much of an interview considering the Dragerella was busy running her mouth to the point where Casey only got in one word answers.

Never seen the Williams show before and I’m afraid this will be my first and last viewing. She came across as horrid as a boss I once had that we called “Bitchy Galore” behind her back. Bitchy Galore kept up a constant irritating prattle stream of consciousness rap like Wendy Williams. But Bitchy’s was sprinkled with nasty about the locals. Bitchy Galore was signing my paychecks so I kept my mouth shut and allowed her drivel to go in one ear and straight out of the other. Until Wendy signs my checks I will not be allowing her to do the same.

Twittering Fools

July 12, 2010

Noticing a disturbing trend and it’s not just over at David “Baldy” Cook’s twitter page. An overwhelming flood of rapacious ass licking stupidity or pervishly girlish come ons to various American Idol penis possessors.

There’s nothing wrong with having a handful of celebs you like on your twitter pages. Nothing wrong with occasionally tweeting them. The wrongness of it happens when you make like Adam Lambert – Lee Dewyze – Casey James – David Cook – whoever fans and treat each of their tweets as an opportunity to declare deepest love, make a sexual overture, kiss their ass over something as simple as breathing, or go into obsession mode about something mundane. Delusion and fakeness on a grand new hypocritical scale on largess.

Example? Last night and David Cook. Poor beleaguered loony fan base David Cook.

Baldy tweeted a photo of his newly arrived “Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles” DVD and immediately there was a flood of Biblical proportions of ass licking comments. Suddenly every Cooktard was a mega fan of TMNT or an expert on the subject.  No one said anything semi normal like ‘Hope you enjoy your DVD’ or ‘No way! What a loser you are for having such tastes’ or ‘haven’t seen Donatello in ages.” It was all brown nosing on a mighty scale, like their lives depended upon it. If the Olympics made butt kissing a Gold Medal event I’m sure some of those tards could have competed competently for the good old USA.

I think about people like David, like Casey, like whoever, seeing that flood of obvious flattery and wonder how/why they can read their twitter accounts without puking/laughing/crying/rolling their eyes. No one is fooled by those comments, no one could possibly be that dumb except for perhaps Lee Dewyze. Lee seems a few sandwiches short of a picnic basket most of the time.  Well, maybe Casey James too, because his tweets are super positive and Polly Anna-esque. Casey seems too innocent.

Every time I start wading through the disgusting swamp of tweets surrounding a Idol male I feel like barfing.

Casey is going to be on the Wendy Williams show today. It’s on here in less than an hour. I’m going to watch as I’m still trying to determine if he’s just naive or thick as a plank in the head.

Remember: The next time the urge strikes you to twitter one of these guys your deepest love or pervings or ass lickings, walk away from the keyboard and take a break. If you still have the urge several hours later, run, don’t walk, to your nearest mental health professional.

Wrasslin’ Sweaty Tards

July 9, 2010

Our lovely typical American Idol tard hunting for uppity skeleton bitches. I can’t wait for Mad Men to return. I almost tard for it. Less than two weeks now. I would advise any of you wasting your time watching Idol to make the switch to Mad Men, or Breaking Bad or any of the excellent original series popping up on cable networks these days.  Just don’t start tarding over Jon Hamm. Mmmkay?

How about that American Idol tour, huh? Canceled dates, lackluster performances and low low low attendance. This morning looking at the coverage of the AI concert in Central Park for ABC’s Good Morning America things look dismal for Lee Dewyse and pals. Three hundred people turned up.  Not very far away at Rockefeller Plaza thousands upon thousands have shown up to see Lady Gaga perform.

Somewhere in the offices of 19 Entertainment I’d bet there are confused and dismayed executives starting to realize that American Idol is done, over, kaput, dead on arrival.  Would love to be a fly on the wall at the next planning meeting in their office. I can smell the panic from here. I do feel sorry for Crystal “Pigpen” Bowersox and Casey James even though I feel pretty sure both of them are going to have musical careers post-Idol. The others including Dewyze? Not very likely. This is it for them.

Look for more AI tour dates to cancel. Looking at the seating charts at my own backyard arena only a tiny fraction of tickets  have sold and those are only the ones right up against the stage. 19E cannot afford to operate a huge tour machine at a loss.

Also I’ve been watching the outrage in the David Cook twitterverse this week. David attended a UFC event last week and was spotted sitting next to a beautiful woman. So the tards are speculating and twittered, spewing outrage and other nonsense about his next door seatmate when no one even knows if they were together or strangers.  In the minds of his fans David is not allowed to date or screw unless it’s one of them. So idiotically middle school. I hope he got laid.

Nary a word about him attending a violent sport like MMA. Which really makes me laugh. Whenever I am home and Sven is watching UFC I tease him that the only difference between gay porn and UFC is boxing trunks and lack of lube. Could be worse, he could be attending that fake wrestling crap shown on TBS. At least MMA is a real sport.

It’s also being reported that Clay Aiken has split up from his boyfriend due to some change of relationship status on MySpace.  Yawn. Are there still Clay Tards?

And the Adam Lambert juggernaut tour rolls on, selling out like I’m sure 19E wishes the AI tour would. It amuses me that his tards, the Sparkle Cows, are willing to stand in line for literally days to be the first ones to stampede through the cattle chute and be nearest to the stage for a show they are seeing again and again and again.

Isn’t it a bit like eating the same food for every meal for a month. At first it seems like heaven on earth, your favorite meal again and again but before the week is out you decide due to repetition that you hate and despise it now.

I don’t know how they can do that. Especially with the record heat wave we’ve been experiencing here on the East Coast where most of the recent venues have been. How can you wait all those hours in air officially declared to be hazardous to your health?  Not to mention lack of restrooms, hygiene challenges, sweating like a hog and the mind numbing boredom of waiting for hours.

One of the funniest things about the tour is the fact that the Sparkle Cows have seized upon the idea of waving glow sticks, blue glow sticks, around whenever  Adam sings the line from WWFM – ‘Thanks for loving me, you’re doing it perfectly.’ They are thinking that they are responding to his love for them and showing love back. Uh, Sparkle Cows, Adam didn’t write that line and it has nothing to do with any of you. Pink wrote it, she had none of you in mind and then Adam recorded it. If anything it’s probably a frightening reminder to Adam every time he sees glowing blue that he has the craziest most obsessional fan base of any American Idol contestant.

Oh, and old news. Constantine, The Greasy One, has managed to knock someone up.  Guess he switched from butt sex finally.