So this season has played out exactly like I thought it might. Casey James booted so there can be a showdown between the very talented Crystal Bowersox and the seldom on-key Lee Dewyze. It’s preordained, it’s as the judges and 19E manipulated things to get the frau-loving going. 19E will always try to manipulate the one that they think will be the better cash cow, not the most talented, into being the Idol winner. And if they fail at that task, like they did last year with Adam Lambert, they conveniently ignore the winner to pimp the cash cow instead. Put that in your tinfoil hat and smoke it, Kerry Kolsch!
Here we are, the morning after, just like this cheesy song from the original Poseidon Adventure.
Casey James – you were lucky to be booted off. No way in hell would 19E ever pour money into your career because you don’t fit the Pop mold. Regardless of your Idol experience you’re going to have a career in the biz singing the blues you’re so good at. You might have a few frauen along the way.
Crystal Bowersox – if you win, like you deserve to win, I’m afraid you’ll have a ‘Kris Allen’ experience, shunted to the side for the frau magnet. Which would be okay because you’re very talented and you’re going to do great out in world. Having 19E controlling your every breath would suck so consider yourself lucky that they want to pimp Lee.
Lee Dewyse – 19E has made it glaringly obvious to everyone that they are salivating to crown you King Idol this year due more to your high numbers on the frau attractiveness scale. Your singing is mediocre at best but as long as the fraus are squealing and drooling you’re the shoe in. Hope you realize that you’re selling your soul to the devil. Adam Lambert still doesn’t ‘get it’ that he is a monkey in a cage dancing for the delight of the fraus and 19E. You’re going to be the next monkey in the cage when you win next week.
That advice I posted for Casey about dealing with the frau? Take that and triple it. You’re about be experience a whole lotta scary coming from a never ending parade of stupid & ugly.
As someone pointed out yesterday in the comments I neglected to mention Twitter. After you win 19E will release your Twitter account back to you and a whole new level of crazy begins. David Cook innocuously posted yesterday about a self-serve dog wash and some idiot Cooktards took it as offensive, like they do anything he posts. You’ll get to experience that along with other bizarreness in the Twitterverse that is Frauland.
Here’s the Twitter-types you’ll get.
1. Constant sexual innuendos. – You mention you like to eat blueberry pie and get flooded with oodles of tweets referring to cunnilingus.
2. ‘You hurt my feelings’ – Those folks that would find anything you say offensive or hurtful, even something as simples as “I like sunny days” will offend someone.
3. Bat Shit Crazy – These would be the ones like Celine who kept tweeting Cook’s guitarist Neal Tiemann that they were soulmates followed by much scarier stuff after she gave him a blowjob in the bushes by the bus. And you’ll get crazier ones from the frau that didn’t get near enough to you to hand out bushes blowjobs.
4. Ass Kissing – You state that you like jalapeno flavored Doritos and you’ll be overwhelmed by a flood of ‘Me too! You have GREAT tastes!’
5. Verbiage Vomit – Someone that constantly tweets and twitters you many many many times a day.
I’m sure there are other types I missed but I’m having a brain fart this morning. Please post the ones I missed in the comments.
ETA: Whoever the freak is searching for Adam Lambert Casey James slash fan fiction please knock it off. None will ever be posted here. I’d rather stick my hands in fatboy Mike’s mouth as a snack and wear a croaker sack for a dress than think about such things.