Posted tagged ‘Celineps1 lunatic’

The Morning After – Twitter Advice For Lee Dewyze

May 20, 2010

So this season has played out exactly like I thought it might. Casey James booted so there can be a showdown between the very talented Crystal Bowersox and the seldom on-key Lee Dewyze.  It’s preordained, it’s as the judges and 19E manipulated things to get the frau-loving going. 19E will always try to manipulate the one that they think will be the better cash cow, not the most talented, into being the Idol winner. And if they fail at that task, like they did last year with Adam Lambert, they conveniently ignore the winner to pimp the cash cow instead. Put that in your tinfoil hat and smoke it, Kerry Kolsch!

Here we are, the morning after, just like this cheesy song from the original Poseidon Adventure.

Casey James – you were lucky to be booted off. No way in hell would 19E ever pour money into your career because you don’t fit the Pop mold. Regardless of your Idol experience you’re going to have a career in the biz singing the blues you’re so good at. You might have a few frauen along the way.

Crystal Bowersox – if you win, like you deserve to win, I’m afraid you’ll have a ‘Kris Allen’ experience, shunted to the side for the frau magnet. Which would be okay because you’re very talented and you’re going to do great out in world. Having 19E controlling your every breath would suck so consider yourself lucky that they want to pimp Lee.

Lee Dewyse – 19E has made it glaringly obvious to everyone that they are salivating to crown you King Idol this year due more to your high numbers on the frau attractiveness scale.  Your singing is mediocre at best but as long as the fraus are squealing and drooling you’re the shoe in.  Hope you realize that you’re selling your soul to the devil. Adam Lambert still doesn’t ‘get it’ that he is a monkey in a cage dancing for the delight of the fraus and 19E. You’re going to be the next monkey in the cage when you win next week.

That advice I posted for Casey about dealing with the frau? Take that and triple it. You’re about be experience a whole lotta scary coming from a never ending parade of stupid & ugly.

As someone pointed out yesterday in the comments I neglected to mention Twitter. After you win 19E will release your Twitter account back to you and a whole new level of crazy begins. David Cook innocuously posted yesterday about a self-serve dog wash and some idiot Cooktards took it as offensive, like they do anything he posts. You’ll get to experience that along with other bizarreness in the Twitterverse that is Frauland.

Here’s the Twitter-types you’ll get.

1. Constant sexual innuendos. – You mention you like to eat blueberry pie and get flooded with oodles of tweets referring to cunnilingus.

2. ‘You hurt my feelings’ – Those folks that would find anything you say offensive or hurtful, even something as simples as “I like sunny days” will offend someone.

3. Bat Shit Crazy – These would be the ones like Celine who kept tweeting Cook’s guitarist Neal Tiemann that they were soulmates followed by much scarier stuff after she gave him a blowjob in the bushes by the bus. And you’ll get crazier ones from the frau that didn’t get near enough to you to hand out bushes blowjobs.

4. Ass Kissing – You state that you like jalapeno flavored Doritos and you’ll be overwhelmed by a flood of ‘Me too! You have GREAT tastes!’

5. Verbiage Vomit – Someone that constantly tweets and twitters you many many many times a day.

I’m sure there are other types I missed but I’m having a brain fart this morning. Please post the ones I missed in the comments.

ETA: Whoever the freak is searching for Adam Lambert Casey James slash fan fiction please knock it off. None will ever be posted here. I’d rather stick my hands in fatboy Mike’s mouth as a snack and wear a croaker sack for a dress than think about such things.

Neal, Madam & You

January 29, 2010

Hey Dave,

Forget everything I said about your fans being deranged. Some of them are, but not the bulk of them.

The same cannot be said of Adam Lambert’s Sparkle Cow herd!

The same night you’re playing at the Morongo Events Center Mr Lambert will be shilling to the fraus at a 10th rate casino in Indio. He is playing at the aptly named Fantasy Springs Casino. More Sparkle Cow like, less Coachilla Fest.  I’m laughing over this grand Liberace-like debut concert after the end of Idol. Career fail.

The good news that holds is there is some of the crazy fan overlap that will undoubtedly drooling on the glitter bedecked stage at Adam Lambert’s sparkling tootsies. May your gig be filled with normal fans.

Also Neal, you really need to get some help for Neal. Not about his drinking, but protection from Celinesp1. She’s making crazy threats at him on twitter. THEKimberly seems determined to rumble with her so I’d have some security guards around to haul both of their asses to the pokey. Tell Neal to stick to blowjobs from hookers. Hookers usually will not boil your bunny afterward foolish sexual adventuring. At the very least tell him not to accept behind the bus blowjobs from gals with crazy eye syndrome.

Run, Neal Tiemann, Run!

December 10, 2009

Dear David,

For once I’m not talking to you. You’ve reached the end of the tour that never ends and are safely tucked away from frau madness, Mary Ann/Holly Sockpuppets and the scary others in the recording studio. Go nuts on the music and soar in creativity. Godspeed and good luck with the recording.

I do have things to say about the end of your tour and your crazier fans plus that Christmas special but I’ve been distracted with Trannypeegate and the wonderful world of the holidays. And work, longer hours at work, fewer of us doing more things because of the economic meltdown. Soon I’ll return.

Now I concerned for Neal, your guitarist, the one I always refer to so affectionately as an alcoholic fug that may or may not have banged Krunk Jess in a bathroom. His twitter is being overwhelmed by the crazy postings of one Celineps1 .  The things she’s saying lead me to believe she has real potential to boil a bunny on Neal’s stove before chasing him around with sharp pointy objects.

Top Idol is going to post the screen caps later of all the insanity this chick is saying so I’ll refrain from that but the sheer volume of her postings is scary, like someone obsessed to the point of going after the object of their focus. She has Neal as her background on her twitter and posts that her location is ‘in Tiemanns pants’. But that’s not scary, that’s merely pathetic. What is scary is her many many many postings alleging she’s involved with Neal, that he’s on drugs and various other things. It’s like the fantasy land in her mind has exploded into a radioactive fallout. There are even a few borderline threats and then this gem…

The scariest thing she’s posted is “If the good ones die young then…b careful”

Neal, you need to get on the horn to your agent and get a restraining order asap unless you don’t care what turns up in your stocking on Christmas being stabby stabby.

This is why you don’t boff crazies on the road…


ETA @ 2:00 pm est

She’s still at it. This is what she posted to Neal about the photo he posted from last night…

celineps1 on December 10, 2009
I luv this! And the usual suspects here fallin all over themselves to kiss ure purdy ass ha! He did it for me. U look great honey so excited…