Posted tagged ‘Chris Sligh’

Adam Lambert’s “Ass-Passing” err.. “Trespassing”

May 23, 2012

So I’ve only listened to a few songs off his new release and was neither impressed or disgusted. It sounds about like I expected something coming from Adam Lambert might sound. It’s just not my cup of tea, but neither is Cook’s music or much of anyone elses from Idol. The only two Idol contestants that I’ve broken down and bought the entire CDs of are Chris Sligh and Crystal Bowersox. Long live Mamasox!

Did download two songs from Lambert’s last CD to use on my gym mix with Pink, Shakira and Britney.

It does amuse me that the Sparkle Cows are attacking anyone that’s even slightly lukewarm on the CD or who damns it with faintest of praises much less negative reviews. Most of the reviews seem really mixed even if numbers are high right now. But we all know those numbers are only insanely high this week because the Sparkle Cows are each maxing out their credit cards buying copy after copy after copy like all good fantard groups do.

And all this nonsense about Adam being the first openly gay celeb to have a hit record. Oh, please, everyone knew Freddie Mercury wasn’t straight nor was K.D. Lang or Elton John. Sounds like something marketing dreamed up to be pushed by the Sparkle Cows.

Since I haven’t heard the entire CD yet I’m in no position to sound off on it. I did hear “Cuckoo” and didn’t much like it. Too contrived. But someone did sent me their own review after listening this week and I’m posting it here.

I wrote this whilst listening to Ass Passing. It did, however, make me fart. So there’s that.

His overall tone really annoys me, it’s so nasally and shrill but at the same time sounds like so many other singers, well a poor clone of them. There’s nothing distinctive about his voice. Or the material.

Trespassing – basic beat, repetitive, emotionless, autotune

Cuckoo – this sounds (melody wise) so done to death, like the first album it’s a clone of things past. That chorus

Shady – Ditto to Cuckoo, done to death. Ah this is the Sam Sparro song, a reject of his I think. Truly bland.

Never Close Our Eyes – I’m bored by the opening….oh and there we go with the beat that seems done by a cheap drumbeat. Number six on the programming I suspect. Nothing new, another clone of other crappy songs. I’m sure I heard its grandad at aerobics class in the eighties.

Kickin In – Pseudo house start goes to a dead dull beat. Well that was a big build up to boring. The chorus is reminiscent of trying to rip off Michael Jackson but failing. Somewhere around Thriller era.

Naked Love – Yodelling start emulates Gaga….are most of tbe beats/rhythm taken from a RuPaul album? Nah Ru puts a bit more effort into it. Layered vocals and lots of autotune and there’s the yelling…boring

Pop that lock – the title reminds me of his shitty Pop goes the Camera song pre Idol Ahahaha this song is stupid and wow I think I lost IQ points listening to the dumb lyrics.

Better than I know Myself – Awful start trying to pretend to be Kraftwerk then going straight into trite emo pop ballad mode. No wonder this bombed.

Broken English – SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING I couldn’t listen to more than the first 30 seconds of this

Underneath – Madam pretends to be touchy feely with a piano then puts on tight undies. A red river of screams? Is this an ode to TOM? I am bored listening to the screeching. Oh more screeching. And then some more. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAA AAAAWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Chokehold – Another slow and boring song with Madam whining about some shit. Sheets? Tight undies? He has a thread he’s hanging by, people. Enthralling stuff. Repeat the same thing over and over….Repeat the same thing over and over….Repeat the same thing over and over….Repeat the same thing over and over….Repeat the same thing over and over….blah.

Outlaws of Love – Oooo more moody Madam. Say that fast three times. Look he’s pretending to be a gay activist now after years of being indifference to the fight. The gays will see through this crap. More shitty lyrics, they’re on a level of Jack and Jill. Now he’s whining, always on the run my god stop the clichés. Borrrringggzzzzzzzzz ack now he’s mooing, must be to make the herd rub their udders.

Runnin – Axel F theme? No it’s Madam trying to be macho and failing. No shrieking so far. Bleh more clone pop music. And now the shrieking and repeating one word over and over and over….lots of filler doing this. Ooo thumpity thump drums and more repeating something. I sense a theme here. Screaming again.

Take Back – Slow start with piano then some jump to another cheap beat. Autotune arama on this one. Thank fuck this one’s only about three minutes long. Screaming. Boredom. Now I am thinking about going to the bathroom to give me an excuse to walk away from this but I have one song left.

Nirvana – Finally at the end and it’s as meh as the other songs. Slow, crappy beat, stupid lyrics. All these songs are the same, just at different speeds. Oh more tight undies singing.

Overall – crappy clone pop music. Nothing new, nothing distinctive. And such a scattered mix of by the numbers pop music too, this could be sung by any puppet on the charts. So much autotune too. Bletch. Thank fuck the songs are short.

What trite lyrics, in general. Unmemorable stuff, I cannot even hum any of it a few minutes after hearing it.

Reading this was more entertaining

I doubt the Sparkle Cows like it much.

Will be watching to see what the sales figures do in week two. The kicker will be a month out, two months out to see what Lambert’s chances are in trying to beat the Idol Sophomore Curse of being drop kicked by the record company.  I’ll be listening to  Kris “Who” Allen’s new CD too. I suspect it will be equally crappy.

leasthelpful.com/post/21573719716/iv-tex…myself-elliterat-lol

Dear Santa

December 21, 2010

I’m not going to comment on the Tulsa thing except to say it happened and it happened about like many of us here speculate. Cook was a no show it sounds like. Andy and Neal had to stare out into a sea of the usual faces.

One of Adam Lambert’s backup dancers, Sasha Mallory, is auctioning off his mask and cane used in the Glamnation tour to raise money for a sick relative. Normally I would never encourage fantarding but…. it’s a good cause. Check it out at Ebay.

At another board I’m a member of we played an interesting game called “Dear Santa” as in what would you like Santa to gift to people this year. I think it would be fun in honor of the holidays to list what we’d like our favorite/least favorite Idols to receive. Here’s my list.

Lee DeWyse – A return to his true talent. Working at the paint store.
Crystal Bowersox – Huge sales numbers for her new CD.
Sanjaya – Never to grace our television sets again except for a turn on Dr. Drew’s ‘Celebrity Rehab’
Jason Castro – To join Sanjaya in ‘Celebrity Rehab’
Big Mike – His own show on the Food Network called “Late Night Sandwich”
Danny Gokey – To be banned for life from ever recording another Christmas CD
Casey James – A fabulous first CD and conditioner, lots and lots of conditioner.
Chris Sligh – A membership to Golds Gym and more kids
Clay Aiken – Lumps of coal
Melinda Doolittle – A great career in the Christian music field
Taylor Hicks – A job that is a little better than singing one song in an all over the hinterlands review
Ruben Studdard – A big old sandwich (and a job)
Adam Lambert – Not going to touch that one with a ten foot pole, I don’t know what to wish upon him. Saner fans?
David Cook – Freedom to do as he pleases
David Archuletta – Someone worth kissing
Fantasia – That she stay far far away from over the counter drugs.
American Idol – To die a swift death this year as the ratings plummet. It’s jumped the snark, err, shark

Most of all I wish for peace on earth and joy for everyone (except for Gokey..ugh, shudder)

What do you think Santa should bring.

Screens? Really? Seizure Inducing Forest Parties?

June 15, 2010

According to Variety that plantation system with the Idol slaves, 19 Entertainment, is being sued by the American Idol band and backup singers.  Apparently AI and 19 have purposely screwed them out of any royalties via the performances being endlessly sold on Itunes. For shame, 19E! Pay the musicians what is owed them. Without the band and backup singers we’d have to listen to the mawkish squawking of Adam Lambert and pals without music softening the blow.  However will the Lee Dewyses of this world know how far off key they are without backing?

Speaking of mawkish squawking Adam Lambert’s new video has been released. If you’re prone to epileptic seizures do not watch as there is happy seizure inducing lazer flashing towards the end.

Adam looks like a mulleted S&M version of Adam Ant in the beginning on his way to what we call around here a ‘field party’ A field party is a bunch of people getting together outside somewhere with music and dancing/screwing/whatevering after licking a bunch of cane toads or the mushrooms on the cow turds. I don’t like the video, if I want to watch that kind of jackassery all I have to do it crash the party on the farm any Saturday night it’s not raining.

But… I have to say as much as I think the video sucks I kinda like the song. I can see this turning up on the Zoomba Dance class rotation soon. It’s just the kind of stuff I listen to when running on the treadmill down at the gym or punching the speed bag. “What Do You Want From Me” is already on my gym rotation list. I adore Pink and Adam sounds most Pink-like on that one.

Shout out to Kerry Kolsch: Notice that the video is sponsored by AT&T.

Chris Sligh noted this morning that Adam always sounds like the artists who wrote the songs and I cannot argue with that. He does.

Looks like Ryan Seacrest can rest easier, his stalker is in jail for two years now. Which kind of makes me laugh that Ryan has stalkers. Are we sure these aren’t just old hump and dumps of a man firmly in the closet?

But the biggest Idol ‘WTF’ news came that some loony tard visited David Cook’s hometown and went around to his two childhood homes. Trespassed around one, looking into the windows and removing the screen if the photos are right.

Creepy

This is creepy and crossing the line...

..and this is creeper and law breaking..

This is so wrong and creepy and borderline stalking. To the tard: have you lost your entire freaking mind? At least by twatting the photographs everywhere Cook’s security team knows what you look like to add you to the list of crazies. Sick freak.

Green…

January 26, 2010

…. as in cocks, envy, men, grass, money, whatever..  there’s been a lot going on in the world of Idol this week, Sir Baldy and pals, that makes me laugh and think green.

Cocks – I saw you posted this as a look at your new sound for the CD –

So the rooster isn’t technically green. He’s black, close enough. What was funny about this is while you meant it as a joke some of the crazier ones took it was an opportunity to spam you about your gonads via double entendres about cocks. You walked right into that one.

Envy – Apparently Chris Sligh got into a twitter war with first Kris Allen fans and then Adam Lambert fans just because he started that Kris was ‘pitchy’ singing the National Anthem for the NFC championship in New Orleans. I didn’t think Kris was anything but awesome in his turn singing.

Judge for yourself. I think he’s right on key to my ear.

Let’s visit this ‘pitchy’ so blithely tossed about by Randy Jackson and now Sligh. It’s not even a real musical term. You’re either off key or on key, flat or sharp, none of bitchy pitchy crapola. Either the harmonics and tonality are correct or they are not. No ‘pitchy’ about it. Sligh should know better.

He obviously didn’t know any better than to engage the Lambert Sparkle Cows from what I saw on Twitter & his blog. I believe Sligh is jealous.

Not only is he suffering from the Green Eyed Monster of Envy those same Sparkle Cow fans of Adam Lamberts are as well. They’ve moaned that Kris Allen got to sing at the UFC game, they took his remarks about going to Haiti on a missions trip as alternately the ravings of a drunk in a city known for drunken rowdiness.  They complained about his almost losing his life on another missions trip, acting like Kris is being the grandest of all attention whores. Only in the Sparkle Cow universe does happy giddy behavior mean drunk and unselfish acts of charity and empathy equal bad.

Chris Sligh is right about one thing. He said that the Sparkle Cows were harming Adam Lambert’s career future. There is no doubt about that. They are tanking it faster As long as they believe that the world revolves around Adam and people that do not believe are evil. At least your crazier fans do not begin to approach Mad Sparkle Cow Disease, Baldy.

Men –  This posted today by the GRO is just too funny. Looks like life on the road has you sporting the beginnings of a little belly there.

psst!! -to L Anne who keeps Googling herself.  I saw a display of the same tiaras you’ve been photographed in down at Wal Mart for a mere 12 dollars. You might want to stock up.