Posted tagged ‘Crystal Bowersox’

Adam Lambert’s “Ass-Passing” err.. “Trespassing”

May 23, 2012

So I’ve only listened to a few songs off his new release and was neither impressed or disgusted. It sounds about like I expected something coming from Adam Lambert might sound. It’s just not my cup of tea, but neither is Cook’s music or much of anyone elses from Idol. The only two Idol contestants that I’ve broken down and bought the entire CDs of are Chris Sligh and Crystal Bowersox. Long live Mamasox!

Did download two songs from Lambert’s last CD to use on my gym mix with Pink, Shakira and Britney.

It does amuse me that the Sparkle Cows are attacking anyone that’s even slightly lukewarm on the CD or who damns it with faintest of praises much less negative reviews. Most of the reviews seem really mixed even if numbers are high right now. But we all know those numbers are only insanely high this week because the Sparkle Cows are each maxing out their credit cards buying copy after copy after copy like all good fantard groups do.

And all this nonsense about Adam being the first openly gay celeb to have a hit record. Oh, please, everyone knew Freddie Mercury wasn’t straight nor was K.D. Lang or Elton John. Sounds like something marketing dreamed up to be pushed by the Sparkle Cows.

Since I haven’t heard the entire CD yet I’m in no position to sound off on it. I did hear “Cuckoo” and didn’t much like it. Too contrived. But someone did sent me their own review after listening this week and I’m posting it here.

I wrote this whilst listening to Ass Passing. It did, however, make me fart. So there’s that.

His overall tone really annoys me, it’s so nasally and shrill but at the same time sounds like so many other singers, well a poor clone of them. There’s nothing distinctive about his voice. Or the material.

Trespassing – basic beat, repetitive, emotionless, autotune

Cuckoo – this sounds (melody wise) so done to death, like the first album it’s a clone of things past. That chorus

Shady – Ditto to Cuckoo, done to death. Ah this is the Sam Sparro song, a reject of his I think. Truly bland.

Never Close Our Eyes – I’m bored by the opening….oh and there we go with the beat that seems done by a cheap drumbeat. Number six on the programming I suspect. Nothing new, another clone of other crappy songs. I’m sure I heard its grandad at aerobics class in the eighties.

Kickin In – Pseudo house start goes to a dead dull beat. Well that was a big build up to boring. The chorus is reminiscent of trying to rip off Michael Jackson but failing. Somewhere around Thriller era.

Naked Love – Yodelling start emulates Gaga….are most of tbe beats/rhythm taken from a RuPaul album? Nah Ru puts a bit more effort into it. Layered vocals and lots of autotune and there’s the yelling…boring

Pop that lock – the title reminds me of his shitty Pop goes the Camera song pre Idol Ahahaha this song is stupid and wow I think I lost IQ points listening to the dumb lyrics.

Better than I know Myself – Awful start trying to pretend to be Kraftwerk then going straight into trite emo pop ballad mode. No wonder this bombed.

Broken English – SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING I couldn’t listen to more than the first 30 seconds of this

Underneath – Madam pretends to be touchy feely with a piano then puts on tight undies. A red river of screams? Is this an ode to TOM? I am bored listening to the screeching. Oh more screeching. And then some more. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAA AAAAWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Chokehold – Another slow and boring song with Madam whining about some shit. Sheets? Tight undies? He has a thread he’s hanging by, people. Enthralling stuff. Repeat the same thing over and over….Repeat the same thing over and over….Repeat the same thing over and over….Repeat the same thing over and over….Repeat the same thing over and over….blah.

Outlaws of Love – Oooo more moody Madam. Say that fast three times. Look he’s pretending to be a gay activist now after years of being indifference to the fight. The gays will see through this crap. More shitty lyrics, they’re on a level of Jack and Jill. Now he’s whining, always on the run my god stop the clichés. Borrrringggzzzzzzzzz ack now he’s mooing, must be to make the herd rub their udders.

Runnin – Axel F theme? No it’s Madam trying to be macho and failing. No shrieking so far. Bleh more clone pop music. And now the shrieking and repeating one word over and over and over….lots of filler doing this. Ooo thumpity thump drums and more repeating something. I sense a theme here. Screaming again.

Take Back – Slow start with piano then some jump to another cheap beat. Autotune arama on this one. Thank fuck this one’s only about three minutes long. Screaming. Boredom. Now I am thinking about going to the bathroom to give me an excuse to walk away from this but I have one song left.

Nirvana – Finally at the end and it’s as meh as the other songs. Slow, crappy beat, stupid lyrics. All these songs are the same, just at different speeds. Oh more tight undies singing.

Overall – crappy clone pop music. Nothing new, nothing distinctive. And such a scattered mix of by the numbers pop music too, this could be sung by any puppet on the charts. So much autotune too. Bletch. Thank fuck the songs are short.

What trite lyrics, in general. Unmemorable stuff, I cannot even hum any of it a few minutes after hearing it.

Reading this was more entertaining

I doubt the Sparkle Cows like it much.

Will be watching to see what the sales figures do in week two. The kicker will be a month out, two months out to see what Lambert’s chances are in trying to beat the Idol Sophomore Curse of being drop kicked by the record company.  I’ll be listening to  Kris “Who” Allen’s new CD too. I suspect it will be equally crappy.

leasthelpful.com/post/21573719716/iv-tex…myself-elliterat-lol

Adam Lambert Sparkle Cow Says Queen Fans Are “Tards”

March 3, 2012

I got a comment on the other post positing that Queen fans are also ‘Tards’ from a Sparkle Cow. Here it is..

Whats the term you are using here a lot about David Cook “tards”: entitled fans or something like that? Seems to me there is suddenly many entitled Queen fans telling Brian May what to do with his band. A bit funny, that.

I had to answer them because they still don’t get it. But why am I surprised since they are stuck in a delusion they have been trying to rationalize away for three years now. It’s really about the music.

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No, there is a difference. Queen fantards do not do the crazy things that Idol fans seem to do. I’ve yet to hear of a flat Freddie or Brian May being toted around, birthday parties being set up with decorated cakes, trackers stuffed under buses, tattoos of band members or lyrics on someone’s feet or back. Granted there are always tards in most every fan pack, but I am just not seeing the same percentage or level of crazy that Idol fans bring.

Thinking the difference is that Idol contestants are on television for weeks on end, allowing those that aren’t real music fans to feel ‘connected’ to the Idol because of the tv exposure, hence the crazy overconnection i.e. pararelationalism that occurs. People who’s primary concern is the actual music would never act like that, just the ones that see something pretty and sparkly on tv and project all their desires upon, like the Sparkle Cows.

Basically most of the Idol contestants and some (many) of the winners are nothing more than televised karaoke singers. Daughtry isn’t. Bowersox isn’t. and there aren’t too many more than aren’t.. Nicki McKibbin has potential.

And it isn’t always their own fault. Guys like Cook hone their stagecraft by years of playing other peoples music in cover bands in bars throughout the country. Taylor did that. I can’t explain Clay Aiken, there is no explanation except to say the site is getting an unusual number of hits asking if he’s had plastic surgery, or did he do the female to male surgery pre Idol or is he doing the male to female surgery now. All very puzzling.

But it really does all go back to the music, which is what all you tards forget, falling in love with some guy you see on tv and listening to any stupid dreck he might record.

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In the comments below the Sparkle Cow someone pointed out that Queen is not Brian May’s personal band to do what he wants with. He was part of it, not the main part of it. Queen started out as four separate dudes with the same stake in the band.

Even Crystal Bowersox Has Crazies

November 11, 2011

I don’t know any of the deets but yesterday a series of Facebook statuses came from my personal favorite AI alumni. I always figured Crystal didn’t get the crazy fans because a) she’s not a guy and Idol Tards seem to only obsess over the guys and b) she’s a little left of center, especially for white bread middle America Idol fans.

Her Facebook statuses –

Overstepping boundaries… It’s weirding me out… you know who you are. That’s all I’m gonna say for now.

I love my fans, but there are some things that are just inappropriate. I’m deeply troubled by it.

Love the fact that Crystal has the cojones to call it out right then to whoever is doing whatever that’s freaking her out. Too bad none of the male Idols have stones enough to tell the crazy to back off. I hope this works for her and her crazies start behaving or perhaps move along to another Idol, like Lee DeWyse. Who, you ask. You know the guy that beat Crystal who seems to have vanished into thin air.

David Cook once posted on his blog asking people to step back and he was eviscerated by the media for doing it so he backed off. Biggest mistake of his career because now the crazy has ramped up to all new levels.

David Cook Fans Overreact (Again)..

September 18, 2011

… with some Crystal Bowersox and Adam Lambert thrown in for good measure.

Crystal Bowersox
First. I have to share this. A video of an actual Crystal Bowersox Frau fan losing it when Lee Dewyse (who?? Who who you say??) won American Idol in 2010. I didn’t even know she had tards! Sorry to see she also picked up crazy middle aged fans overinvested because I actually dig her music. It is the only Idol CD I bothered to download but I loves me some Blues and Crystal can sing ’em.

Crystal Frau Freaks Out

David Cook
So now the tickets and meet and greet tickets have been purchased for the upcoming Gavin Degraw slash David Cook tour. I heard that many blew ten bucks on buying memberships to Gavin’s website in order to try and get a jump on ticket sales only to wind up with really crummy seats and free access to presales at David Cook Official. C’est la vie. More karma for wacked out over involved fan behavior.

But the Cook crazy fan antics that amused me the most this week besides watching the Front Row Crew buy tickets and M & G packages for all the shows is the drama surrounding one of the hardcore pack, Debra. She’s apparently bought tickets, M&Gs, hotel rooms, airline tickets for most if not all of the venues and now she’s being picked apart on many boards and sites for greedily hogging access to the newly haired one, David Cook. Now, she’s crying that everyone saying that this is over the top unhealthy behavior are just all ‘nasties’ To quote Jen, if she really feels like what she’s doing is making her feel shame then perhaps she shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. Selling those extras might be the way to go.

Curiously some of the ‘weeds’ in fandom, like Wehoscott and Ladynsearch are suspiciously absent from the hoopla surrounding the new tour and the rest of the pack are doing their daily complaining about how RCA management is screwing everything up, or that there are no tour dates on the East Coast, that some M&G packages are already gone or the phases of the moon, the price of tea in China, you name it. This is one group of crazy that will never been satisfied, even if Cook came personally to each of their homes, romanced them all, put on a personal l-o-n-g concert and signed everything in their home from autos to cookware. They’d still find something to moan about.

Might be worth a road trip to York Pennsylvania to see the crowd in action. Will have to consider it.

Adam Lambert

Also, looks like Adam Lambert is starting to get the media attention because of his upcoming CD release. He will be on Lifetime’s “Project Runway” as a guest judge this week. Should be good for a few laughs. His fans have been quiet lately, not much amusing silly behavior to laugh at. Can someone enlighten me about his ‘new direction’? Didn’t he say something recently about ‘Glam’ being dead and he was headed in a new direction? What does that mean exactly because on the PR previews he’s got the old gel spiked ‘glam’ look going on still. I hope it means he’ll do something extremely bizarre, like Elizabethian ruffs and wigs or something equally old and outlandish just to see how the Sparkle Cows will try to replicate that look for themselves. Glammed up was funny enough.

I leave you with this… I wish this dude would audition for “American Idol” It would be enough to lure me into watching… maybe…his bouncing man boobs are hypnotic.

Dear Santa

December 21, 2010

I’m not going to comment on the Tulsa thing except to say it happened and it happened about like many of us here speculate. Cook was a no show it sounds like. Andy and Neal had to stare out into a sea of the usual faces.

One of Adam Lambert’s backup dancers, Sasha Mallory, is auctioning off his mask and cane used in the Glamnation tour to raise money for a sick relative. Normally I would never encourage fantarding but…. it’s a good cause. Check it out at Ebay.

At another board I’m a member of we played an interesting game called “Dear Santa” as in what would you like Santa to gift to people this year. I think it would be fun in honor of the holidays to list what we’d like our favorite/least favorite Idols to receive. Here’s my list.

Lee DeWyse – A return to his true talent. Working at the paint store.
Crystal Bowersox – Huge sales numbers for her new CD.
Sanjaya – Never to grace our television sets again except for a turn on Dr. Drew’s ‘Celebrity Rehab’
Jason Castro – To join Sanjaya in ‘Celebrity Rehab’
Big Mike – His own show on the Food Network called “Late Night Sandwich”
Danny Gokey – To be banned for life from ever recording another Christmas CD
Casey James – A fabulous first CD and conditioner, lots and lots of conditioner.
Chris Sligh – A membership to Golds Gym and more kids
Clay Aiken – Lumps of coal
Melinda Doolittle – A great career in the Christian music field
Taylor Hicks – A job that is a little better than singing one song in an all over the hinterlands review
Ruben Studdard – A big old sandwich (and a job)
Adam Lambert – Not going to touch that one with a ten foot pole, I don’t know what to wish upon him. Saner fans?
David Cook – Freedom to do as he pleases
David Archuletta – Someone worth kissing
Fantasia – That she stay far far away from over the counter drugs.
American Idol – To die a swift death this year as the ratings plummet. It’s jumped the snark, err, shark

Most of all I wish for peace on earth and joy for everyone (except for Gokey..ugh, shudder)

What do you think Santa should bring.

Mama Sox Tangles With Cooktards

December 13, 2010

One of the few bright spots for me personally in season 10 was the appearance of Crystal Bowersox, a gal that didn’t exactly fit into ‘Idol’s pretty little box. She’s got a CD coming out very soon, like this Tuesday and she spoke to USA Today about the challenges of writing your own music.

Nice article, don’t you think? I thought so.

But apparently I’m not looking through the strange colored lenses the David Cook Tards are using because they, the super crazy Twitter-stalking freaks, took exception to what Mama Sox said. They actually think it’s a slam on David and have been ripping into Crystal with the fury only the horny and crazed hold.

I rolled my eyes when I heard because this is just so expected of them. When the Lee Dewyse Tards joined in I had to really go what the heck because she never even mentioned him at all. What next? The Sparkle Cows stampeding over the article? Claymates losing it on Mama Sox?

The bad thing is that poor Crystal does not have a clue what type of bat crap insano delusional women she’s dealing with and she’s been tweeting them back. Want to see something funny? Check out her time line of tweets. It’s all Cook’s most crazed uberfans, you know the ones, the ones that fly across the country to get ‘face time’ at charity events and push cripples and little kids out of the way at the stage front, the ones that tweet him a hundred times at hour at Dave and pals.

Whenever I hear that ‘Face Time’ I think of the Rock of Love parody from SNL with Rodeo-alike Peyton shouting about ‘Face Time’. I think the Rock of Love gals had better manners, wardrobes and weaves than the Cooktards.

It’s gotten ugly a few times too for Mama Sox dealing with the Cooktards. Sweetie, don’t fight with those gals, they will only try to drag you down. They’ll never buy your CD either because you don’t have a penis for them to obsess over. They never fantard over the female contestants.

Remember, don’t fight with them and please ignore them. They don’t matter a hill of farty beans in the scheme of things.

Hope her new CD outsells DeWyse.

ETA: And the usual gang of suspects have once again edited out their tweets to Crystal. Typical cowardly bs. They always do that when called out on bad behavior. Someone I know has screencaps…

Wrasslin’ Sweaty Tards

July 9, 2010

Our lovely typical American Idol tard hunting for uppity skeleton bitches. I can’t wait for Mad Men to return. I almost tard for it. Less than two weeks now. I would advise any of you wasting your time watching Idol to make the switch to Mad Men, or Breaking Bad or any of the excellent original series popping up on cable networks these days.  Just don’t start tarding over Jon Hamm. Mmmkay?

How about that American Idol tour, huh? Canceled dates, lackluster performances and low low low attendance. This morning looking at the coverage of the AI concert in Central Park for ABC’s Good Morning America things look dismal for Lee Dewyse and pals. Three hundred people turned up.  Not very far away at Rockefeller Plaza thousands upon thousands have shown up to see Lady Gaga perform.

Somewhere in the offices of 19 Entertainment I’d bet there are confused and dismayed executives starting to realize that American Idol is done, over, kaput, dead on arrival.  Would love to be a fly on the wall at the next planning meeting in their office. I can smell the panic from here. I do feel sorry for Crystal “Pigpen” Bowersox and Casey James even though I feel pretty sure both of them are going to have musical careers post-Idol. The others including Dewyze? Not very likely. This is it for them.

Look for more AI tour dates to cancel. Looking at the seating charts at my own backyard arena only a tiny fraction of tickets  have sold and those are only the ones right up against the stage. 19E cannot afford to operate a huge tour machine at a loss.

Also I’ve been watching the outrage in the David Cook twitterverse this week. David attended a UFC event last week and was spotted sitting next to a beautiful woman. So the tards are speculating and twittered, spewing outrage and other nonsense about his next door seatmate when no one even knows if they were together or strangers.  In the minds of his fans David is not allowed to date or screw unless it’s one of them. So idiotically middle school. I hope he got laid.

Nary a word about him attending a violent sport like MMA. Which really makes me laugh. Whenever I am home and Sven is watching UFC I tease him that the only difference between gay porn and UFC is boxing trunks and lack of lube. Could be worse, he could be attending that fake wrestling crap shown on TBS. At least MMA is a real sport.

It’s also being reported that Clay Aiken has split up from his boyfriend due to some change of relationship status on MySpace.  Yawn. Are there still Clay Tards?

And the Adam Lambert juggernaut tour rolls on, selling out like I’m sure 19E wishes the AI tour would. It amuses me that his tards, the Sparkle Cows, are willing to stand in line for literally days to be the first ones to stampede through the cattle chute and be nearest to the stage for a show they are seeing again and again and again.

Isn’t it a bit like eating the same food for every meal for a month. At first it seems like heaven on earth, your favorite meal again and again but before the week is out you decide due to repetition that you hate and despise it now.

I don’t know how they can do that. Especially with the record heat wave we’ve been experiencing here on the East Coast where most of the recent venues have been. How can you wait all those hours in air officially declared to be hazardous to your health?  Not to mention lack of restrooms, hygiene challenges, sweating like a hog and the mind numbing boredom of waiting for hours.

One of the funniest things about the tour is the fact that the Sparkle Cows have seized upon the idea of waving glow sticks, blue glow sticks, around whenever  Adam sings the line from WWFM – ‘Thanks for loving me, you’re doing it perfectly.’ They are thinking that they are responding to his love for them and showing love back. Uh, Sparkle Cows, Adam didn’t write that line and it has nothing to do with any of you. Pink wrote it, she had none of you in mind and then Adam recorded it. If anything it’s probably a frightening reminder to Adam every time he sees glowing blue that he has the craziest most obsessional fan base of any American Idol contestant.

Oh, and old news. Constantine, The Greasy One, has managed to knock someone up.  Guess he switched from butt sex finally.