Posted tagged ‘David Archuletta’

Clay Aiken – Dude Looks Like A Lady & David Cook & Adam Lambert Fans

January 15, 2012

Last night someone pointed out to me that there is a new competition between David Cooktards and Adam Lambertards. Something called “American Idol Smackdown” on radio station 98.7 out of Tampa, Florida. They are asking fans to rate if Lambert’s new single or Cook’s is better. So far the comments are pretty tame but I have a feeling this has the potential to turn into Crazy Cakes Land soon enough. That’s when the Glamcows stop rushing all over the interwebs trying to rationalize and defend the Glittery One over his recent alcohol fueled slapfest.

Some wag that sounds almost like Kerry Kolsch suggested that the two people voting that they disliked both singles must be people that voted for Kris Allen and David Archuletta. Hey, at least Archuletta got a big honking Christmas special this year on PBS. Did Adam or David get a Christmas eggstravaganza anywhere on teevee? Oh hells naw.

Plus, Allen and Archuelette fans seem a tad more, I don’t know, sane and rational than Cooktards or GlitteryBovines.

The other amusing fan delusional behavior this week has been the angry angry Clay Aiken Grannies, the Claymates, trying to pretend that Claylene hasn’t had something new done to his face. Photos were released this week of Clay posing for his upcoming turn on “Celebrity Apprentice”

Judge for yourself….

Depends are twisting all over Granny Fannys as the Clay Fantards rush to say that he’s not had anything done at all beyond a TMJ jaw fix. Bullshit. He’s as stitched, pulled, stuffed as a cheap carnival stuffed animal prize. There’s more filler in that face than a bargain hotdog made of hooves and assholes.

One plastic surgery website had an interesting theory back in 2009 as to way Clay is dabbling in such heavy plastic surgery.

What genius in Clay Aiken’s entourage decided that plumper lips would make him look more masculine? Whomever they are, they should be fired. Clay looked more manly when he started out than he does now. The shag haircut, the glass, heavy layer of foundation, and plumped up lips make him look like someone testing the waters before they decide to get a sex change.

Damn, he’d make one very ugly woman. I hope this is not why he’s been indulging in facial enhancement.

American Idol Phone Call

January 28, 2011

I don’t know about everyone else but I just cannot watch Idol this year. Between the regional stereotyping, fame whoring via the seriously disabled, Steven Tyler drooling on each underage girl and a ton of rather mediocre talent I think I’d prefer to do something more fun. Like, say wash my car or shovel the snow or clean the cat box.

But looking through Liquid Generation for a certain cartoon to forward to a friend I found this gem. It’s too good not to share. Ever wonder what a phone call between Sanjaya Malakar (on VFTW radio last night), David Archuletta and David Cook might look and sound like? Like this?

Dear Santa

December 21, 2010

I’m not going to comment on the Tulsa thing except to say it happened and it happened about like many of us here speculate. Cook was a no show it sounds like. Andy and Neal had to stare out into a sea of the usual faces.

One of Adam Lambert’s backup dancers, Sasha Mallory, is auctioning off his mask and cane used in the Glamnation tour to raise money for a sick relative. Normally I would never encourage fantarding but…. it’s a good cause. Check it out at Ebay.

At another board I’m a member of we played an interesting game called “Dear Santa” as in what would you like Santa to gift to people this year. I think it would be fun in honor of the holidays to list what we’d like our favorite/least favorite Idols to receive. Here’s my list.

Lee DeWyse – A return to his true talent. Working at the paint store.
Crystal Bowersox – Huge sales numbers for her new CD.
Sanjaya – Never to grace our television sets again except for a turn on Dr. Drew’s ‘Celebrity Rehab’
Jason Castro – To join Sanjaya in ‘Celebrity Rehab’
Big Mike – His own show on the Food Network called “Late Night Sandwich”
Danny Gokey – To be banned for life from ever recording another Christmas CD
Casey James – A fabulous first CD and conditioner, lots and lots of conditioner.
Chris Sligh – A membership to Golds Gym and more kids
Clay Aiken – Lumps of coal
Melinda Doolittle – A great career in the Christian music field
Taylor Hicks – A job that is a little better than singing one song in an all over the hinterlands review
Ruben Studdard – A big old sandwich (and a job)
Adam Lambert – Not going to touch that one with a ten foot pole, I don’t know what to wish upon him. Saner fans?
David Cook – Freedom to do as he pleases
David Archuletta – Someone worth kissing
Fantasia – That she stay far far away from over the counter drugs.
American Idol – To die a swift death this year as the ratings plummet. It’s jumped the snark, err, shark

Most of all I wish for peace on earth and joy for everyone (except for Gokey..ugh, shudder)

What do you think Santa should bring.


November 30, 2010

I’ve been trolling around the internets today reading all the Idol gossip while I wait for this migraine to pass. Lots happening today even if none seems to have stirred up the hornet’s nest of fandom.

News OK reminds us that this is Clay Aiken’s 43, err, 32nd birthday as well as providing some amusing Dead Wife Douchebag Danny Gokey quotes. He’s claiming to be the reason that Idol went back to the well, trekked back to Milwaukee this summer for auditions. Whatever dude. Just don’t make me look at your horrible scary nightmaresque Christmas album cover.


Oh dear Gawd this must be what Christmas in hell wearing an old diaper around your neck is like. Just looking at that picture is enough to evoke the Christmas Clap. By the blood of Jayzuz depart!

Kara Shit-For-Brains DioGuardi is writing a vapid tell-all that will spill the beans on American Idol it was announced today. Having endured two seasons of DioGuardi’s silly inarticulate nonsense I imagine a ghost writer will be writing this tell-all. If Kara did it herself it would be leaflet sized and largely gibberish. (Note to L. Anne Carrington, this is the way you get crap writing published, achieve some fleeting fame and exploit it. Just don’t steal it or flog it on a million different sites) is reporting that He Who Shall Not Be Mentioned will be jetting back to Gay Paree for some R&R. Their source is, get this, a message board where the Herd That Shall Not Be Mentioned hangs out. Some mighty flimsy sourcing.

TV Latest is claiming that they have the spoilers for the format for this year’s American Idol. It’s too little too late I think. Idol was a creature of it’s time and now that time seems to be over. There’s sagging ratings, view disinterest, a familiarity that seemed to be contempt as well as a declining quality of contestants. Lots of factors killing it. Changing the format is merely a band-aid on a corpse.

There’s a rumor going around
that Glee’s Charice and David Archuletta are a romantic pairing but so far Charice is denying it. If true then it would prove that Archuletta isn’t the boy-child mental defective that many thought.

Ryan Seacrest might be the only smart one connected to the show still left. He reportedly signed a 60 million dollar radio deal with Clear Channel communications.