Posted tagged ‘Is David Cook Jewish’

Google Questions #5

November 12, 2009

Dear Baldy,

Usually there’s an imaginative  search parameter or two daily among your fans two-stepping into here from Google but lately it’s been repeats involving tattoos, jews, and L Anne Carrington searching for herself. Yawn.

Two of the most repeated searches from yesterday make me laugh for totally different reasons. Both involve obsessional women.

“smartie “l’anne carrington” ebook” – L Anne, L Anne, L Anne. She’s quaking in her boots trying to find out if Idletard’s Smartie actually is compiling an Ebook of her adventures.  I feel the rumblings up over the Alleghenies and the Blue Ridge right now and smell her arid sweat. Never fear, Smartie is doing just that and David I’d recommend you get a copy as soon as it comes out. You’ve stated you like to read and it’s going to be a fascinating study into mental illness, plagiarism and crime.  I promise you’ll laugh, cry, throw up and gasp before coming back for another plate of crazy.

Personally I think they should build L Anne her own special wing at the Trans Allegheny Lunatic Asylum. She can keep company with the spooks and haints and leave the rest of us alone. It’s just south of her home in the burbs of Pittsburgh.

“David Cook Uncensored” – I’ve never visited this site run by Mary Ann/Holly containing various sockpuppets of Holly pretending to be other people yet only cheering Holly on and I don’t plan on it. I don’t even have the addy but I do understand that there’s one heck of a battle going on right now over that mysterious tattoo of yours. Apparently you getting a tattoo is turning off Mary Ann/Holly to the point where she’s almost ready to toss you on the Idol scrapheap of former lust objects along with Clay Aiken and Constantine.  Fickle fans. Mary Ann – Holly needs to join L Anne at the TALA.

The question that most springs to mind on these two is why Pennsylvania? Why the high percentage of completely wacko obsessed fans in the Keystone state? Is it something in the water?  I know my most insane clients at work come out of the Philly area and seem like they could be characters on “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia”. Something must be seriously wrong with that part of the world

Google Questions #4

November 8, 2009

Dear David,

We’re getting a lot of repeat lunacy here, like that crazy L Anne googling herself again and again and more folks pondering just how Jewish you are. Makes me laugh. Here we go!

“Dave Cook Jew” – We’ve already discussed this a couple of times. You’re as Jewish as mayonnaise and Wonder bread.

“wearing a box” nuts – is there something you’re not telling us on Twitter, David?

“Andy Skib Jewish tattoo” – Soooooo, what did Andy get tattoo on himself? I take it that it wasn’t a Swastika?

So what do all three of these things have in common? They’re pretty nuts and anyone googling this crap possibly has a screw or two loose, spending way too much time thinking about you and the things that surround you. Run, Baldy, Run!

Baldy & The Jews

October 25, 2009

For all of you coming in here under the search engine parameters “Is David Cook Jewish?” I think you need to read about David and Yom Kippur

I am pretty sure the answer is no or he would have known that Yom Kippur can be a pain in the ass. All that fasting and repenting could only be fun for someone with S&M leanings..