Posted tagged ‘Lee Dewyse’

Adam Lambert Sparkle Cow Says Queen Fans Are “Tards”

March 3, 2012

I got a comment on the other post positing that Queen fans are also ‘Tards’ from a Sparkle Cow. Here it is..

Whats the term you are using here a lot about David Cook “tards”: entitled fans or something like that? Seems to me there is suddenly many entitled Queen fans telling Brian May what to do with his band. A bit funny, that.

I had to answer them because they still don’t get it. But why am I surprised since they are stuck in a delusion they have been trying to rationalize away for three years now. It’s really about the music.

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No, there is a difference. Queen fantards do not do the crazy things that Idol fans seem to do. I’ve yet to hear of a flat Freddie or Brian May being toted around, birthday parties being set up with decorated cakes, trackers stuffed under buses, tattoos of band members or lyrics on someone’s feet or back. Granted there are always tards in most every fan pack, but I am just not seeing the same percentage or level of crazy that Idol fans bring.

Thinking the difference is that Idol contestants are on television for weeks on end, allowing those that aren’t real music fans to feel ‘connected’ to the Idol because of the tv exposure, hence the crazy overconnection i.e. pararelationalism that occurs. People who’s primary concern is the actual music would never act like that, just the ones that see something pretty and sparkly on tv and project all their desires upon, like the Sparkle Cows.

Basically most of the Idol contestants and some (many) of the winners are nothing more than televised karaoke singers. Daughtry isn’t. Bowersox isn’t. and there aren’t too many more than aren’t.. Nicki McKibbin has potential.

And it isn’t always their own fault. Guys like Cook hone their stagecraft by years of playing other peoples music in cover bands in bars throughout the country. Taylor did that. I can’t explain Clay Aiken, there is no explanation except to say the site is getting an unusual number of hits asking if he’s had plastic surgery, or did he do the female to male surgery pre Idol or is he doing the male to female surgery now. All very puzzling.

But it really does all go back to the music, which is what all you tards forget, falling in love with some guy you see on tv and listening to any stupid dreck he might record.

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In the comments below the Sparkle Cow someone pointed out that Queen is not Brian May’s personal band to do what he wants with. He was part of it, not the main part of it. Queen started out as four separate dudes with the same stake in the band.

David Cook Fans Overreact (Again)..

September 18, 2011

… with some Crystal Bowersox and Adam Lambert thrown in for good measure.

Crystal Bowersox
First. I have to share this. A video of an actual Crystal Bowersox Frau fan losing it when Lee Dewyse (who?? Who who you say??) won American Idol in 2010. I didn’t even know she had tards! Sorry to see she also picked up crazy middle aged fans overinvested because I actually dig her music. It is the only Idol CD I bothered to download but I loves me some Blues and Crystal can sing ’em.

Crystal Frau Freaks Out

David Cook
So now the tickets and meet and greet tickets have been purchased for the upcoming Gavin Degraw slash David Cook tour. I heard that many blew ten bucks on buying memberships to Gavin’s website in order to try and get a jump on ticket sales only to wind up with really crummy seats and free access to presales at David Cook Official. C’est la vie. More karma for wacked out over involved fan behavior.

But the Cook crazy fan antics that amused me the most this week besides watching the Front Row Crew buy tickets and M & G packages for all the shows is the drama surrounding one of the hardcore pack, Debra. She’s apparently bought tickets, M&Gs, hotel rooms, airline tickets for most if not all of the venues and now she’s being picked apart on many boards and sites for greedily hogging access to the newly haired one, David Cook. Now, she’s crying that everyone saying that this is over the top unhealthy behavior are just all ‘nasties’ To quote Jen, if she really feels like what she’s doing is making her feel shame then perhaps she shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. Selling those extras might be the way to go.

Curiously some of the ‘weeds’ in fandom, like Wehoscott and Ladynsearch are suspiciously absent from the hoopla surrounding the new tour and the rest of the pack are doing their daily complaining about how RCA management is screwing everything up, or that there are no tour dates on the East Coast, that some M&G packages are already gone or the phases of the moon, the price of tea in China, you name it. This is one group of crazy that will never been satisfied, even if Cook came personally to each of their homes, romanced them all, put on a personal l-o-n-g concert and signed everything in their home from autos to cookware. They’d still find something to moan about.

Might be worth a road trip to York Pennsylvania to see the crowd in action. Will have to consider it.

Adam Lambert

Also, looks like Adam Lambert is starting to get the media attention because of his upcoming CD release. He will be on Lifetime’s “Project Runway” as a guest judge this week. Should be good for a few laughs. His fans have been quiet lately, not much amusing silly behavior to laugh at. Can someone enlighten me about his ‘new direction’? Didn’t he say something recently about ‘Glam’ being dead and he was headed in a new direction? What does that mean exactly because on the PR previews he’s got the old gel spiked ‘glam’ look going on still. I hope it means he’ll do something extremely bizarre, like Elizabethian ruffs and wigs or something equally old and outlandish just to see how the Sparkle Cows will try to replicate that look for themselves. Glammed up was funny enough.

I leave you with this… I wish this dude would audition for “American Idol” It would be enough to lure me into watching… maybe…his bouncing man boobs are hypnotic.

Man Boobs & The American Idol

August 1, 2011

Today I’m laying off the crazy fans and types like Mary Ann/Holly Sockpuppets and looking at some of the Idols themselves.

Mmmmbop kindly posted a link in the comments the other night to a clip of Adam Lambert singing his upcoming new single in concert. Something called ‘Outlaws of Love’

Thoughts? Looks like he’s rocking a similar look as “Hook” bad boy Rufio

Also in the comments some saw Man Boobs on Adam – or as I like to call them Moobs. I saw no moobs but then again I ditched after the first minute because the shrieking of the fans was ruining it for me. If I wanted to hear shrieking like that I’d just run over the foot of one of my Bumpass neighbors across the street with my car.

But it did lead me to start thinking about Moobs and the average American Idol male. Who does and doesn’t have Mooobs, who is likely to develop them. I’m thinking Taylor Hicks is probably hiding a pair and surely as plump as Clay Aiken has gotten he’s ready for a manzier or bro. My personal favorite Chris Sligh has got ’em.

You moob spotters, what type did you see? I have Moob charts below just for comparison purposes.

Leave a comment and I’ll get to them later. Right now I have to get a possum out of my washer.

What Other Fantards Do You Know?

June 9, 2011

I’m not going to talk about David Cook’s failed single, intra-fan wars over the single, Kerry Kolsch goes Green Acres or some of the restless silly in any of the other fandoms. I’m not even going to pick on Mary Ann/Holly Sockpuppets today as I sense she’s busy trying to get that room mate for her townhouse advertised in the papers and changing the name of ‘David Cook Uncensored’ to the ‘David Cook News Board’.

Just a caution: If you answer an ad to rent a room in Yardley, Pennsylvania please make sure you Google your potential landlord’s name.

Instead I’d like to ask you what other crazy fandoms you laugh over and follow. Please share in the comments.

Are there any over-involved fandoms or folks out there that make you laugh besides the crazy American Idol ones? I know there are tons of crazier than the most horny Claymate fantards out there of many different things, everything from beauty pageants to plastic model horses besides the garden variety sort following actors/musicians/politicians. Share what crazy fan groups that bear examination, laughing and pointing.

I had my very own fantard spotting this morning – I had a tard-spotting today at Target but I didn’t know it until the silly gal was driving away.

I was minding my own business, standing in line to buy some random junk for the house when the whole damn register belt ‘Tha-WHUMP!’ Looked up and saw a 30sih-40ish woman with an ass the size of Cincinatti but with a regular fatty above the waist. Weird looking, like someone sawed a very fat chick in two and a regular fat gal in two and then reconnected the wrong bits. Oh she was rocking the sartorial splendor of a hot summer day in the Virginia Piedmont. She wore a the squished and dusty pair of black Crocs with faded to mid-gray old black stretch pants with a t-shirt resplendent with a photo of the two leads of the “Twilight” series with the motto “Twilight” above it.

Okay, so it’s not a crime to not know how to dress appropriately for age, body type and social situation. I ain’t no (to steal L Anne Carrington’s phrase) ‘stuck up skeleton whore’ ‘SWANKY’ (yeah, I’m fat) but what she wore didn’t do her any favors. But I didn’t think anything much of it, maybe it was the first thing she could find. No idea about trip to tardtown yet.

This big old redhead keep yapping at first about how ‘sorry’ she was that the store Hoverround cart she was riding rammed the checkout stand. She was told, no problem. And then it got weird.

Miss Hoverround started to speak, very sotto voice, muttering to herself like the crazed shopping cart lady in the park that tries to preach to the squirrels. She started softly enough before she proceeded to mutter just loud enough for us to hear about how some people didn’t realize they were taking up space in the handicapped line without being handicapped. WTF? It was the only line open and I had 3 items. She complained about the smallness of the aisles for the handicapped, how Target had no respect for the handicapped, blah, blah, blah and other bizarre mutterings. The cashier and I just kept staring at each other and rolling our eyes over Lil Miss Fatty Handicapped.

Let me state here I have no problem with fat people in general but I do when they need to walk and clearly refuse to do so because the store offers a Hoverround cart for the aged or infirm. At that point I had no idea if she was or wasn’t handicapped.

I get my shit and get, go over to the Starbucks inside our Target to get a Venti Latte, it’s hotter than hammered hell here. I get my iced coffee just in time to see Miss Handicapped get off the store rascal and oh so slowly waddle out the front door with her two bags of junk food. (Did I mention she had ice cream, ho-hos and fritos along with other high fat low nutrition things? Yes, I’m being super stupid judgemental..) We were going out to the parking lot at the same time, in the time it took her to walk out to her vehicle (near mine at least 30 spaces from the front door) I had my stuff in the car, the cart put up and I was sitting in my car, curious why she wasn’t parked in the Handicapped parking section right next to the store. She finally got in her mini van and pulled out just in time for me to read about twenty Harry Potter and Twilight bumper stickers on the back of the car, including a couple for fan fiction websites blaring proudly the links.

Oh how I wished I’d have been able to reach my cell phone camera I would have photographed this nutty Twitarder/Pottertard in all her glory. Suddenly I understand the five foot wide ass and lack of social skills. I wish I knew her username on Fan Fiction dot net and the other sites because I have a sneaking suspicion she probably writes scads of Harry Potter getting boffed by Edward the vampire porn. It would be laugh and point worthy.

So, what other crazy fantardships do you know of out there. Let me know in the comments.

Dear Santa

December 21, 2010

I’m not going to comment on the Tulsa thing except to say it happened and it happened about like many of us here speculate. Cook was a no show it sounds like. Andy and Neal had to stare out into a sea of the usual faces.

One of Adam Lambert’s backup dancers, Sasha Mallory, is auctioning off his mask and cane used in the Glamnation tour to raise money for a sick relative. Normally I would never encourage fantarding but…. it’s a good cause. Check it out at Ebay.

At another board I’m a member of we played an interesting game called “Dear Santa” as in what would you like Santa to gift to people this year. I think it would be fun in honor of the holidays to list what we’d like our favorite/least favorite Idols to receive. Here’s my list.

Lee DeWyse – A return to his true talent. Working at the paint store.
Crystal Bowersox – Huge sales numbers for her new CD.
Sanjaya – Never to grace our television sets again except for a turn on Dr. Drew’s ‘Celebrity Rehab’
Jason Castro – To join Sanjaya in ‘Celebrity Rehab’
Big Mike – His own show on the Food Network called “Late Night Sandwich”
Danny Gokey – To be banned for life from ever recording another Christmas CD
Casey James – A fabulous first CD and conditioner, lots and lots of conditioner.
Chris Sligh – A membership to Golds Gym and more kids
Clay Aiken – Lumps of coal
Melinda Doolittle – A great career in the Christian music field
Taylor Hicks – A job that is a little better than singing one song in an all over the hinterlands review
Ruben Studdard – A big old sandwich (and a job)
Adam Lambert – Not going to touch that one with a ten foot pole, I don’t know what to wish upon him. Saner fans?
David Cook – Freedom to do as he pleases
David Archuletta – Someone worth kissing
Fantasia – That she stay far far away from over the counter drugs.
American Idol – To die a swift death this year as the ratings plummet. It’s jumped the snark, err, shark

Most of all I wish for peace on earth and joy for everyone (except for Gokey..ugh, shudder)

What do you think Santa should bring.

Mama Sox Tangles With Cooktards

December 13, 2010

One of the few bright spots for me personally in season 10 was the appearance of Crystal Bowersox, a gal that didn’t exactly fit into ‘Idol’s pretty little box. She’s got a CD coming out very soon, like this Tuesday and she spoke to USA Today about the challenges of writing your own music.

Nice article, don’t you think? I thought so.

But apparently I’m not looking through the strange colored lenses the David Cook Tards are using because they, the super crazy Twitter-stalking freaks, took exception to what Mama Sox said. They actually think it’s a slam on David and have been ripping into Crystal with the fury only the horny and crazed hold.

I rolled my eyes when I heard because this is just so expected of them. When the Lee Dewyse Tards joined in I had to really go what the heck because she never even mentioned him at all. What next? The Sparkle Cows stampeding over the article? Claymates losing it on Mama Sox?

The bad thing is that poor Crystal does not have a clue what type of bat crap insano delusional women she’s dealing with and she’s been tweeting them back. Want to see something funny? Check out her time line of tweets. It’s all Cook’s most crazed uberfans, you know the ones, the ones that fly across the country to get ‘face time’ at charity events and push cripples and little kids out of the way at the stage front, the ones that tweet him a hundred times at hour at Dave and pals.

Whenever I hear that ‘Face Time’ I think of the Rock of Love parody from SNL with Rodeo-alike Peyton shouting about ‘Face Time’. I think the Rock of Love gals had better manners, wardrobes and weaves than the Cooktards.

It’s gotten ugly a few times too for Mama Sox dealing with the Cooktards. Sweetie, don’t fight with those gals, they will only try to drag you down. They’ll never buy your CD either because you don’t have a penis for them to obsess over. They never fantard over the female contestants.

Remember, don’t fight with them and please ignore them. They don’t matter a hill of farty beans in the scheme of things.

Hope her new CD outsells DeWyse.

ETA: And the usual gang of suspects have once again edited out their tweets to Crystal. Typical cowardly bs. They always do that when called out on bad behavior. Someone I know has screencaps…

Everybody Was Tard-Fighting…

December 3, 2010

Looks like one of David Cook’s fans has been calling out other fans, both on Twitter and on her blog – AnodyneJunkie. The really interesting bit is here

I would applaud her calling them out but she’s also one of the Grinches stealing Xmas that are flying out to Tulsa to see To Have Heros, which puts her in stalkerville with the other Baldyfrau. This is one of those times I’d like to be wrong because she does have a good idea that a lot of what goes on with the various gals is just plain old crazy over the top.

I’m sure it’s causing mass meltdown in Cooktardia Land. Like just about everything does as it’s endlessly dissected and discussed. When there’s nothing going on with the artist the over the top nutball fans turn on each other.

Except, of course, if you are a DeWyser. I saw a very negative article the other night about how Lee DeWyse is the biggest commercial failure in the pantheon of Idol winners. The article went on to say that 19E is now plowing all their promotion monies (payola) in propping up He Who May Not Be Mentioned. They might have a point because he did get a Glammy, ooops, Granny, ooops, Grammy nomination. I like his song, I’m just not sure it’s Grammy-worthy.

Well, back to Lee DeWyse. Instead of the flood of fan defense and insanity that accompanies most any article that suggests that perhaps the Idol isn’t Jesus’ Second Coming there was just one solo defensive ‘jellus hateraide’ posting behind the article. I wish I had bookmarked it as it was comic gold. One tard? Seriously? That’s all who’s defending him internet-wide?

My understanding of the Grammy nomination is that it’s creating infighting among the Clay Aiken fans. They are UPSET that Clay garnered no Grammy nom noms. They’ve been taking some creative swings at the Herd That May Not Be Mentioned. Reminds me of a soccer riot video featured the other night on ‘World’s Dumbest’ and I’m sure the Claylene followers will run away bleeding and crying like the other team did.

I’m actually excited for the Grammys this year. I loves me some Cee Lo Green, some Eminem and some Pink! I want to see Cee Lo perform ‘F**k You’ on national television!

And the word is that American Idol execs are going to allow internet voting this year. Remains to be seen if that’s going to create more conspiracy theory drama or not. It could make the fandoms even more of a laugh riot!

Santa’s already been good to me this year..