Posted tagged ‘Mary Ann Holly sockpuppets’

RCA Drops David Cook!

May 10, 2012

About an hour ago David announced that that he no longer had a recording contract with RCA. David Cook was from their pool of official artists. He no longer has a contract with RCA at all plus he has left 19 Entertainment management.

There’s no official word from RCA yet but it’s just a matter of time. This rumor has been buzzing since shortly after This Loud Morning was released and ended up with less than stellar sales numbers. The unofficial word was that this would be announced shortly after Cook’s “American Idol” gig tonight. Just didn’t anticipate that Cook himself would release the news before the official talking heads at RCA.

Well what next? Looking for another label and performing more new songs on television shows? This could be either a really good thing or terribly bad. Will certainly be interesting to watch and see where Cook goes from here.

Once thing is for certain, once David Cook Official goes dark his frauen will have to put up a soooper seakret board on a free boards site and move their twaddle there. Sucks to be them.

Speaking of which one of them hacked Cook’s momma’s Twitter account for a day or so. I don’t know what was said or who did it but apparently Beth Foraker is pretty pissed off I’ve been told. I would be too. So not called for at all, particularly on the week of Mothers Day.¬† Sounds like something Mary Ann/Holly Sockpuppets of the defunct David Cook Uncensored might do..

Happy Muthas Day whoever did that..

David Cook Tards: Fightin’ For A Space In The Front Row

September 12, 2011

Back in the stone ages when I was a mere 15 I used to be totally insanely mad about a band called Mott The Hoople. A very virile and masculine-looking bunch in high boots, glittery makeup and a lead singer that made Bob Dylan’s tunelessness seem like crystalline pure notes. I was so insane for them I hitchhiked up to big old bad NYC at 15 to see Mott and lure Peter Overend Watts into my hotel bed. Didn’t happen but he’s still a sexy devil even at his age. Lord Ove, hit me up sometime. I’d even let you fish for the carp in my 250 gallon rain water container. And other things.

But I digress remembering my ancient days of tarding even if Overend makes me want to tard hard again…

There used to be an old Mott the Hoople song I loved…

….and it included the lyric –

“Everybody hazy, shell-shocked and crazy
Screaming for the face at the window
Jeans for the genies, dresses for the dreamies
Fighting for a place in the Front row”

It’s that “Fighting for a place in the front row” that concerns me tonight. We’ve had a few Gavin Degraw fans visit here to recount their non-tardness but claim that they are always in the front row and will fight for that. This bodes ill because there are a number of Cook Tards that are expert front row obnoxicons. They’ve been known to step on feet, curse out, push, shove, elbow, sneer, insult, cry, yell and other tactical maneuvers trying to get near that young peen on the stage. How else do they get the fifty million crotch shots needed to squee over at DCO and the departed lair of Mary Ann Holly Sockpuppets DCU? Oh, won’t someone think of the droolers needing their millioneth happy snap of David Cook’s unpointing pants!

I’m not sure the Cook Tards are aware of it yet but tickets for the shows are already on sale at a special pay Gavin fan site, so it’s likely if it’s not a general admission show that the front rows will have already been snapped up. The Gavin fantards are getting them first, not Cook’s herd. Oh, the huge manatee!!

Has to be karma again considering how Ladynsearch, RoseC and others were busy whining to his brother, Andrew Cook, that Andrew wasn’t playing Cook songs. Andrew was in KC and was DJing over at KCRadio.com, where he used to DJ when he lived in the area. The Cooktards were busy twittering and tweeting him their outrage over his betrayal of the bro by his music selections. As usual lots of ugly bashing of Andrew but at least he will tell them when they’re all behaving like See You Next Tuesdays. He told them off. None of them picked up on the fact that he did play a song that Cook had written for another band.

Add in the disgusting fetishisticness about everything to do with Cook’s appearance singing the National Anthem at yesterday’s Chief’s game and their silly belief that they got RCAEd fired (he’s not, dumbasses) and you have enough bad behavior to make bad karma take notice of the bunch.

PS to Lord Ove – I’m kidding (No I’m not!)

Man Boobs & The American Idol

August 1, 2011

Today I’m laying off the crazy fans and types like Mary Ann/Holly Sockpuppets and looking at some of the Idols themselves.

Mmmmbop kindly posted a link in the comments the other night to a clip of Adam Lambert singing his upcoming new single in concert. Something called ‘Outlaws of Love’

Thoughts? Looks like he’s rocking a similar look as “Hook” bad boy Rufio

Also in the comments some saw Man Boobs on Adam – or as I like to call them Moobs. I saw no moobs but then again I ditched after the first minute because the shrieking of the fans was ruining it for me. If I wanted to hear shrieking like that I’d just run over the foot of one of my Bumpass neighbors across the street with my car.

But it did lead me to start thinking about Moobs and the average American Idol male. Who does and doesn’t have Mooobs, who is likely to develop them. I’m thinking Taylor Hicks is probably hiding a pair and surely as plump as Clay Aiken has gotten he’s ready for a manzier or bro. My personal favorite Chris Sligh has got ’em.

You moob spotters, what type did you see? I have Moob charts below just for comparison purposes.

Leave a comment and I’ll get to them later. Right now I have to get a possum out of my washer.

David Cook Fantards Overreact Again

July 27, 2011

Does anyone in fandom actually remember when Cook asked his teeming masses to back the f*** off? Yes, it did happen and he got excoriated in the press over it. Happened late March 2009 after some tard attached a tracking device to his bus.

Here’s some of what he said from TV Guide

“The efforts by some fans to find our hotel rooms, call our hotel rooms, attach things to our bus, etc., is something I have to condemn,” Cook wrote. “This relationship only works when it remains healthy for both parties, and should this behavior continue, the only thing we can do is take more preventative measures to maintain our privacy, which in turn makes us less accessible to you.”

Cook said he and his band love spending time with fans, but that they “do enjoy what little privacy we can muster.” But, Cook doesn’t want to leave a bad taste in the mouth of the fans who voted him to stardom on Idol.

“I hope this doesn’t come off as harsh,” he writes. “I merely want to nip this in the bud so we can continue to have a great experience with all of you at the shows we have coming up.”

The article begs the question if the general public thought he was overreacting. The press thought he was but apparently none of them had experienced the scary pack that is Mary Ann/Holly Sockpuppets, WehoScott, Anodynejunkie, Krunkjess, Stacy Hankins, Ninasfeet and assorted other nuts. They were seriously misinformed. What Cook did and said was mild.

Too bad he never managed to get it under control because of the debacle taking place on Twitter between his insano tard pack and a guy who goes by Mouland316 on Twitter. I didn’t catch all what was going on because I’ve been busy doing some freelance work for a Defense Contractor (had to learn about weapons grade stuff..I don’t know weapons) and looking at a business I might buy into. Someone correct me if I’m wrong but the gist of the argument seems to be that Mouland dissed Cook’s music and/or career and the tards not only tore him a new asshole but also got him let go from his position doing promotion for another musician.

Klassy, gals and guy, klassy. I wish you’d direct this passion towards something that REALLY mattered, like the economy or ending world hunger instead of petty internet shiesse. Cook’s silence in this matter is apparently encouraging the nuts to think that he’s pleased by their activities. What are they? His internet mommies? So middle school.

David “UnBaldy” Cook’s Sophomoronic Debut Week

June 23, 2011

I guess I shouldn’t be calling Unbaldy’s new CD release ‘sophomoronic’ considering all I’ve heard is that first single. I hope for the sake of his musical career that it reinvents music, blows away the critics, earns him newer less crazy fans. But the way the fickle finger of fate seems to work it’s probably going to blow goats it will be so mediocre.

However Wehoscott is busy shouting everywhere that it’s going to be like the second coming gang banged sparkle unicorns rolled in ice cream, sprinkles and chocolate syrup. He claims the earth will move, uh, honey, if the earth moves while you’re listening to “This Loud Morning” you should probably check to make sure you didn’t fall out of your chair.

No Mary Ann/Holly Sockpuppets updates as she’s been super quiet, like a spider in hiding planning out her next move. I know where I hope it is to. I wonder if she’s going to participate in the tard madness that is Cook’s release week next week. Pennsylvania is a mere hop, skip and proverbial jump from NYC and the New Jersey Six Flags he’ll be appearing at later in the week.

Me? You could not PAY me to go anywhere near a Six Flags. They smell like ass and are crammed with the type of folks I try to avoid without adding the sweating like a mule madchens and fraus of his crazy fan base. The smell will be horrendous! Something like high noon in the slums & favelas of Rio.

The most fun part of watching the David Cook insane fan base squeal over this is the contretemps over the private show he’s giving at NYC’s Paramount Hotel in Times Square. If you’re a hotel guest you get to attend this show along with VIPs and contest winners. This is happening mid morning the day of the CD release so tards are scrambling to book rooms. But many of them are complaining that even as the hotel advertises its rates of starting at 200 bucks a night for this event the cheapest is from 375 upward. I don’t blame them, have to make hay while the sun is shining, I’d raise the prices too just to milk some of that frau lust. Capitalism is a bitch sometimes. Normal rates are $200. If you ring up hysterically demanding to be on the speshul bolt on floor, they slam you with ‘Jesus fucking christ not another horny old bag” fees

I am curious as to how the hard core wack pack is going to jostle from one event to the next quickly if they cannot stand in line for all of the events. Shortly after the Paramount show Unbaldy is due at the Best Buy in Union Square. To attend this event you have to be one of the first 200 to buy his CD when it goes on sale at 12:01 am on Tuesday morning. You’ll get the chance to have him sign your CD and attend a show. Tards are already talking about lining up on Monday morning to be first in line.

Chapter 16: Mary Ann/Holly Sockpuppets Chronicles

June 10, 2011

So now that Holly proclaimed that they were closing David Cook Uncensored it seems that all they did was change the name. Now it’s David Cook News Board.

Compare for yourself – all attempts to search for David Cook Uncensored lead to the newly created David Cook News Board on Foromotion. Very curious. Has someone not read Shakespeare and his take on names, something about a rose smelling just as sweet if it were named something else. Well, I’m not smelling anything as sweet as a rose, more like something extremely fishy and foolish.

How goes the room mate hunt I wonder? Will the new room mate be annoyed by the operation of a pet sitting business out of the same location? Are there business zoning ordinances that perhaps someone is breaking? So many questions I’d love to know the truth about.

What Other Fantards Do You Know?

June 9, 2011

I’m not going to talk about David Cook’s failed single, intra-fan wars over the single, Kerry Kolsch goes Green Acres or some of the restless silly in any of the other fandoms. I’m not even going to pick on Mary Ann/Holly Sockpuppets today as I sense she’s busy trying to get that room mate for her townhouse advertised in the papers and changing the name of ‘David Cook Uncensored’ to the ‘David Cook News Board’.

Just a caution: If you answer an ad to rent a room in Yardley, Pennsylvania please make sure you Google your potential landlord’s name.

Instead I’d like to ask you what other crazy fandoms you laugh over and follow. Please share in the comments.

Are there any over-involved fandoms or folks out there that make you laugh besides the crazy American Idol ones? I know there are tons of crazier than the most horny Claymate fantards out there of many different things, everything from beauty pageants to plastic model horses besides the garden variety sort following actors/musicians/politicians. Share what crazy fan groups that bear examination, laughing and pointing.

I had my very own fantard spotting this morning – I had a tard-spotting today at Target but I didn’t know it until the silly gal was driving away.

I was minding my own business, standing in line to buy some random junk for the house when the whole damn register belt ‘Tha-WHUMP!’ Looked up and saw a 30sih-40ish woman with an ass the size of Cincinatti but with a regular fatty above the waist. Weird looking, like someone sawed a very fat chick in two and a regular fat gal in two and then reconnected the wrong bits. Oh she was rocking the sartorial splendor of a hot summer day in the Virginia Piedmont. She wore a the squished and dusty pair of black Crocs with faded to mid-gray old black stretch pants with a t-shirt resplendent with a photo of the two leads of the “Twilight” series with the motto “Twilight” above it.

Okay, so it’s not a crime to not know how to dress appropriately for age, body type and social situation. I ain’t no (to steal L Anne Carrington’s phrase) ‘stuck up skeleton whore’ ‘SWANKY’ (yeah, I’m fat) but what she wore didn’t do her any favors. But I didn’t think anything much of it, maybe it was the first thing she could find. No idea about trip to tardtown yet.

This big old redhead keep yapping at first about how ‘sorry’ she was that the store Hoverround cart she was riding rammed the checkout stand. She was told, no problem. And then it got weird.

Miss Hoverround started to speak, very sotto voice, muttering to herself like the crazed shopping cart lady in the park that tries to preach to the squirrels. She started softly enough before she proceeded to mutter just loud enough for us to hear about how some people didn’t realize they were taking up space in the handicapped line without being handicapped. WTF? It was the only line open and I had 3 items. She complained about the smallness of the aisles for the handicapped, how Target had no respect for the handicapped, blah, blah, blah and other bizarre mutterings. The cashier and I just kept staring at each other and rolling our eyes over Lil Miss Fatty Handicapped.

Let me state here I have no problem with fat people in general but I do when they need to walk and clearly refuse to do so because the store offers a Hoverround cart for the aged or infirm. At that point I had no idea if she was or wasn’t handicapped.

I get my shit and get, go over to the Starbucks inside our Target to get a Venti Latte, it’s hotter than hammered hell here. I get my iced coffee just in time to see Miss Handicapped get off the store rascal and oh so slowly waddle out the front door with her two bags of junk food. (Did I mention she had ice cream, ho-hos and fritos along with other high fat low nutrition things? Yes, I’m being super stupid judgemental..) We were going out to the parking lot at the same time, in the time it took her to walk out to her vehicle (near mine at least 30 spaces from the front door) I had my stuff in the car, the cart put up and I was sitting in my car, curious why she wasn’t parked in the Handicapped parking section right next to the store. She finally got in her mini van and pulled out just in time for me to read about twenty Harry Potter and Twilight bumper stickers on the back of the car, including a couple for fan fiction websites blaring proudly the links.

Oh how I wished I’d have been able to reach my cell phone camera I would have photographed this nutty Twitarder/Pottertard in all her glory. Suddenly I understand the five foot wide ass and lack of social skills. I wish I knew her username on Fan Fiction dot net and the other sites because I have a sneaking suspicion she probably writes scads of Harry Potter getting boffed by Edward the vampire porn. It would be laugh and point worthy.

So, what other crazy fantardships do you know of out there. Let me know in the comments.