Posted tagged ‘Sanjaya Malakar’

American Idol Phone Call

January 28, 2011

I don’t know about everyone else but I just cannot watch Idol this year. Between the regional stereotyping, fame whoring via the seriously disabled, Steven Tyler drooling on each underage girl and a ton of rather mediocre talent I think I’d prefer to do something more fun. Like, say wash my car or shovel the snow or clean the cat box.

But looking through Liquid Generation for a certain cartoon to forward to a friend I found this gem. It’s too good not to share. Ever wonder what a phone call between Sanjaya Malakar (on VFTW radio last night), David Archuletta and David Cook might look and sound like? Like this?

Dear Santa

December 21, 2010

I’m not going to comment on the Tulsa thing except to say it happened and it happened about like many of us here speculate. Cook was a no show it sounds like. Andy and Neal had to stare out into a sea of the usual faces.

One of Adam Lambert’s backup dancers, Sasha Mallory, is auctioning off his mask and cane used in the Glamnation tour to raise money for a sick relative. Normally I would never encourage fantarding but…. it’s a good cause. Check it out at Ebay.

At another board I’m a member of we played an interesting game called “Dear Santa” as in what would you like Santa to gift to people this year. I think it would be fun in honor of the holidays to list what we’d like our favorite/least favorite Idols to receive. Here’s my list.

Lee DeWyse – A return to his true talent. Working at the paint store.
Crystal Bowersox – Huge sales numbers for her new CD.
Sanjaya – Never to grace our television sets again except for a turn on Dr. Drew’s ‘Celebrity Rehab’
Jason Castro – To join Sanjaya in ‘Celebrity Rehab’
Big Mike – His own show on the Food Network called “Late Night Sandwich”
Danny Gokey – To be banned for life from ever recording another Christmas CD
Casey James – A fabulous first CD and conditioner, lots and lots of conditioner.
Chris Sligh – A membership to Golds Gym and more kids
Clay Aiken – Lumps of coal
Melinda Doolittle – A great career in the Christian music field
Taylor Hicks – A job that is a little better than singing one song in an all over the hinterlands review
Ruben Studdard – A big old sandwich (and a job)
Adam Lambert – Not going to touch that one with a ten foot pole, I don’t know what to wish upon him. Saner fans?
David Cook – Freedom to do as he pleases
David Archuletta – Someone worth kissing
Fantasia – That she stay far far away from over the counter drugs.
American Idol – To die a swift death this year as the ratings plummet. It’s jumped the snark, err, shark

Most of all I wish for peace on earth and joy for everyone (except for Gokey..ugh, shudder)

What do you think Santa should bring.

Sand Vagina

September 23, 2010

Sand-Gina, Sand Gina…. gonna set this place on fi-ya!

Cow Appreciation Day, Pizza, Sandwiches and Breakups

July 15, 2010

According to PeeWee Herman today is ‘Cow Appreciation Day’ So I’ve been enjoying the madness of the Sparkle Cow herd around the internet. I raise my glass of chocolate milk to your heifers.

Had an interesting email the other day from someone in the Seattle area speaking of food. They were making all sorts of weird claims about Sanjaya Malakar.

“I ended up throwing away my pizza after seeing how dirty, stoned and disgusting Sanjaya looked as he worked making pizza. Looked so high I don’t know how he stood up. I was afraid of a contact high just by eating the pizza.”

Ha! Sanjaya high while he’s cranking out pizza? Good thing it doesn’t sound like he might have been driving doing deliveries.

Also the Big Mike Lynch nightly sandwich videos are a big hoot! Makes me think on the guys bus it has to smell like a ginormous salami fart. Check out his twitter account.

Had to laugh yesterday when looking at the aftermath of Clay Aiken on The View. I’d been warned that the Claymates were the oddest of all batshiat crazy fans but there’s nothing like seeing it in action. I saw The View, Claylene made next to no effort to talk so what the tards are saying about the hateful women talking over him is pure wishful thinking on their part.

They are also mourning over the broken relationship between Claylene and Reed. Some of these crazies have actually downloaded tons of photos of Claylene and his sig-o and are boohooing over the failed romance. Which is just utterly stupid. None of these women know either guy so I don’t get all this heavy emotional investment in Claylene’s love life.

Remember, you know something embarrassing or stupid about American Idol contestants and fans please shoot me an email at