Posted tagged ‘Steven Tyler’

American Idol Phone Call

January 28, 2011

I don’t know about everyone else but I just cannot watch Idol this year. Between the regional stereotyping, fame whoring via the seriously disabled, Steven Tyler drooling on each underage girl and a ton of rather mediocre talent I think I’d prefer to do something more fun. Like, say wash my car or shovel the snow or clean the cat box.

But looking through Liquid Generation for a certain cartoon to forward to a friend I found this gem. It’s too good not to share. Ever wonder what a phone call between Sanjaya Malakar (on VFTW radio last night), David Archuletta and David Cook might look and sound like? Like this?

American Idol Season Ten

January 20, 2011

Soooo what did everyone think of last night?

According to The Huffington Post there were 13 percent less viewers than last year. Big surprise. The shark has been jumped last year. I don’t think any amount of pithy colorfully vulgar sayings by Steven Tyler or fake sympathies by J Lo are going to help.

I’m not going to recap it because there are tons of brilliant recaps out there including the one at Top Idol by the ever lovely Melinda Green. I hope you got to see her on MTV’s post-Idol wrap-up show last night? I’m going to just throw out a few impressions of stuff that stood out to me.

– Randy Jackson can speak whole sentences and express logical thoughts. I like this Randy better.
– J Lo wasn’t as bad as I thought she would be. However, as the season drags on I hope she reverts to form. If not it’s going to be one boring long season.
– Was it really necessary to have Greasy McSkeevy Constantine Maroulis open the show for his millisecond of fame whoring?
– Thankfully Steven Tyler hasn’t had any extreme real recent tucks and plumpings. His last few plastic surgeries left the dude looking like a lady-dude. But I don’t see how it’s possible for him to make it through the season without resorting to chemicals. Doing that weekly would sure make me drink like Prohibition is right around the corner and I had a still to finish off.
– Contestants, sort of boring and tended to blend one into the other with the exception of the silly little girl from the Carolinas.
– Same old same old. Whatever happened to shaking things up?

We watched as a family, all four of us, because we love watching the bad auditions. My daughter Laura and I made special cookies for the viewing fun. J Los.

J Lo Cookies (just modified Chocolate Chip recipe. I’d post a picture but I couldn’t find my camera last night)

1 stick butter
3/4 cup brown sugar
3/4 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon butternut flavoring
2 2/3 cup flour or for a gluten free cookie use a mixture of almond flour and superfine brown rice flour.
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper (your choice)
1/2 cinnamon
1 bag gourmet chocolate chips, some high end brand like Girardelli whatever a rich bitch would use.
1 cup nuts, your choice. We used walnuts.

Beat sugars and butter together until light and fluffy. Add eggs, vanilla and butternut and mix well. Add all the dry ingredients and mix well until the consistency of chocolate chip cookie dough. Add chips and nuts. Taking your two tablespoons drop two rounded spoonfuls side by side so that as the cookies bake you have two round ass cheeks as one cookie. Bake at 350 degrees until they are as brown as J Lo’s ass. Enjoy.

Remember! Wait for her ass to cool before taking a big bite. They go well with bland white milk.

Tonight’s Idol is from my home town of New Orleans, Louisiana. Ahhh, Nawlins in mid summer sweat, hotter than hot, humidity stuck on stupid high. Tourists fainting left and right in the heat and Idol wanna bes cooking in the summer sun. Between the heat factor, drunkenness, weirdness of the city and the local wackos there should be more fun in tonight’s episode. Bring on Chipcoon! Team Coonass!

It’s On!

November 10, 2010

I’ve been watching the American Idol news and there’s just not much happening. I was very amused by Kid Rock saying that Steven Tyler must be nuts to pee on the sacred institution of Rock and Roll by being an Idol judge. Scroll down the page at The Hollywood Reporter for the exact quote by Kid Rock

Sort of have to agree with Kid, but my fears are different. If Idol had an obviously less than sober Paula Abdul how is Steven going to get through this without chemical inducements? Being an Idol judge is enough to send the most sober of individuals into the arms of chemical intoxicants. Should be interesting at least to watch how he does on the show. Maybe that fall off the stage did some permanent damage?

Answering back Kid Rock’s comments Steven trotted out that same lame old excuse people use to justify all sorts of dumb crap, “U R just a jellus-hater” Riiiggght! His remarks at USA Today.

And btw I will never mention a certain Idol also-ran again. The kindest thing I can do is make like the mainstream media and put him and his on auto-ignore. Too bad because some of his music is on my Ipod in my workout dance grooves.