Posted tagged ‘Twitter’


June 14, 2010

I don’t get it. Does it always follow American Idols that their twitter pages are filled up with ridiculous crap from their followers? Mostly it looks like championship mindless ass kissing with stalker-like statements thrown in.

Yesterday I made the mistake of looking at Cook’s Twitter stream after he innocuously tweeted about watching the Boston Celtics. Suddenly all his silly fans were Boston Celtic fans, lockstepped lemmings foolishly goosestepping over the high dive cliff of stupidity.  Do they really think he believes all of them were Celtic fans before he announced his allegiance?  The scaries were mixed in, the chicks that make You Tube videos about his body parts like some strange fetish,  the ones that have temples to him with burning candles before photographs that they pray to. Sexual come ons, etc. etc.  Do they not realize that the Library of Congress is going to save all this super embarrassing girly drooly shit? I would love to know what future generations will make of this.

It does make me laugh that he tweeted about Twinkies being too deliciously fattening and that Nabisco responded by tweeting about their 100 calorie packs. Now that is information he needed.  They should hire him to do a commercial just so that the fantards will respond by buying those nasty things in bulk. Their sales would skyrocket.

Google Questions #6

November 13, 2009

Dear David,

Here’s today’s batch of  oddish hits that make me laugh. I have no real answers for any of these, they just make me laugh!

‘David Coo’ – Do you make odd bird noises or something?

‘Neil Tiemann slash fiction’ –  Oh please people! I just ate breakfast!

‘cougar peta’ – So now there’s people searching for an organization that protects cougars? Would that be the actual animal or the silly over-done middle aged ladies trying to pretend they’re twenty and slutty again?

‘twitter twats’ – Does Twitter have a twat? I thought it was asexual.

Twitter Twats

November 2, 2009

Dear David,

So I understand you may have had a problem this weekend with the twats on your twitter account. Someone posted in comments that one of your tards, like Pizza Screaming Tard, twitter-spammed you while you were at a concert. Some nonsense about her wanting you and your brother to come stand by her. Later she claims you screwed up her night because her car got broken into.

Good thing you didn’t stand next to Pizza Screamer because you would have had that obnoxious screamer screaming in your ear all night long, drowning out the music, distracting you, getting all handsy with your ass and parts south.

Block the bitch. It’s not hard. Go to her profile and hit ‘block’ She’ll be pissed off but you’ll be spared the sight of her constant drivel. She’s tweeted you so much I’m surprised she doesn’t have carpal tunnel by now.

I also understand that because you tweeted that you were going to see ‘Our Lady Peace’ at some time in the past that the concert front row was filled with your idiot stalkers. I can just imagine the sea of lesbian librarian hairdos, blubbery torsos and ill fitting denim and capris that the guys of OLP had to look out on. I’m sure they were most puzzled by all the old ladies there looking most unrock and roll, like some nightmare landscape of the damned. How did it feel to look down and see them yet again when you joined the band for a song?  Sort of like Homer Simpson when he was dragging around The Stone of Shame during the Stonecutters episode? D’oh!

Never tell them in advance what you’re planning on doing. Tweet about it either after the fact or as it’s going on. It’s either that or you’re going to have to obtain a clever disguise to be incognito.

Real fans do not pull that kind of crap. Stalkers do.