Posted tagged ‘Twittiots’

Neal Tiemann’s Mystery Stalker

September 2, 2010

Remember back when Celine was tweeting Neal all the time and some of it was kinda of frightening? There’s someone else on Twitter doing the same thing now. Neal is following them and there’s been some talk of blow jobs.

Looks like he’s learned nothing about not just having every random woman he runs across sucking on his junk in the bushes. Check out his twitter feed.

Speaking of stalkers did you hear the one about the David Cook fan that recently waddled over to The Griddle Cake restaurant in Hell Lay just because Dave had tweeted he’d be there? She interrupted his brunch/linner with her frau burblings. Very swanky.

Twittering Fools

July 12, 2010

Noticing a disturbing trend and it’s not just over at David “Baldy” Cook’s twitter page. An overwhelming flood of rapacious ass licking stupidity or pervishly girlish come ons to various American Idol penis possessors.

There’s nothing wrong with having a handful of celebs you like on your twitter pages. Nothing wrong with occasionally tweeting them. The wrongness of it happens when you make like Adam Lambert – Lee Dewyze – Casey James – David Cook – whoever fans and treat each of their tweets as an opportunity to declare deepest love, make a sexual overture, kiss their ass over something as simple as breathing, or go into obsession mode about something mundane. Delusion and fakeness on a grand new hypocritical scale on largess.

Example? Last night and David Cook. Poor beleaguered loony fan base David Cook.

Baldy tweeted a photo of his newly arrived “Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles” DVD and immediately there was a flood of Biblical proportions of ass licking comments. Suddenly every Cooktard was a mega fan of TMNT or an expert on the subject.  No one said anything semi normal like ‘Hope you enjoy your DVD’ or ‘No way! What a loser you are for having such tastes’ or ‘haven’t seen Donatello in ages.” It was all brown nosing on a mighty scale, like their lives depended upon it. If the Olympics made butt kissing a Gold Medal event I’m sure some of those tards could have competed competently for the good old USA.

I think about people like David, like Casey, like whoever, seeing that flood of obvious flattery and wonder how/why they can read their twitter accounts without puking/laughing/crying/rolling their eyes. No one is fooled by those comments, no one could possibly be that dumb except for perhaps Lee Dewyze. Lee seems a few sandwiches short of a picnic basket most of the time.  Well, maybe Casey James too, because his tweets are super positive and Polly Anna-esque. Casey seems too innocent.

Every time I start wading through the disgusting swamp of tweets surrounding a Idol male I feel like barfing.

Casey is going to be on the Wendy Williams show today. It’s on here in less than an hour. I’m going to watch as I’m still trying to determine if he’s just naive or thick as a plank in the head.

Remember: The next time the urge strikes you to twitter one of these guys your deepest love or pervings or ass lickings, walk away from the keyboard and take a break. If you still have the urge several hours later, run, don’t walk, to your nearest mental health professional.

Worst Buy & Google Searches

January 19, 2010

Dear David,

So you twittered-twatted about the incident in Best Buy yesterday where you were punk’d by someone asking if you were David Archuletta.  You twittered you were tempted to say yeah. You should have, just think about how funny that would have been to punk the punkers. Missed opportunity.

Saw the clip of it online. Funny stuff.

What isn’t funny stuff is the idiotic clamor risen by your hordes of horrible followers with their twitting, twatting, twittering in trying to come to your rescue in a situation that needed nothing redeemed. They are a stupid self-important lot. They’ve taken it upon themselves to alternately tell you how ‘great’ you are and how wonderfully you handled the situation AND for added points harass the punker. The gal responsible for your funny encounter has stated that your fans have no sense of humor. She neglected to mention that they also lack class, manners, sense, smarts and a whole lot of other important stuff. Poor you. Poor her.

It’s slow in Fantardlandia so they’re jumping on every idiot bit involving you. I’m sure if you twittered you had corn in your poo they’d twitter long treatise blaming corn for all sorts of likes, like allowing Hitler to arise to power or bombings in Afghanistan.

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Switching gears, several of the Google searches yesterday and today have made me laugh so hard I blew diet coke out of my nostrils and all over the screen. I haven’t looked in a while and the searches are getting decidedly weirder.

Adam Lambert and Neal Tiemann porn – Poor Neal, hasn’t he suffered enough already?

Madam drinks porno horse sperm – There are no words.

Sort of like this?

Celineps1 Is Crazy – She’s been doing some more Neal torturing. Neal can’t seem to catch a break, can he?