Posted tagged ‘Wigs’

David Cook Official is Officially Dead

November 28, 2012

Makes me wonder what will happen in his frau pack today. I expect to see weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth over the fact that 19 Entertainment simply allowed the domain to expire and Go Daddy yanked the site down. The fan-created sites will be hosting the mass mourning and MJ’s will be overrun by hysterical frau.

Having the site down won’t do Cookie’s career any good but it will take the fraus underground away from him in a official capacity.

If Christmas wasn’t just around the corner I’d be tempted to buy the domain name just to put up a front page that looked not dissimilar to the old page, have a click in for more content just to have to lead to a page with a huge HA-HA on it. But I need my dough for plum puddings and the like.

Cook, you are truly free now from the clutches of your old corporate record company. Go nuts.

ETA at 1:15 EST – Looks like the website has been resurrected from the dead. Wonder who paid for and owns it now? Cook even tweeted about it. The freak out going on by the fraus must have been intense.

Adam Lambert Misquoting, Dying & Vamping

August 16, 2012

So the Sparkle Cows have been glamping up a storm, rushing all over the interwebs to beat on anyone not agreeing with the idea that Adam with silver hair isn’t the sex-sayesty thing on the planet!! Eleventyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111!

It’s the Billy Idol Grampa Look!!

Don’t believe me, just check out the comments on any website containing reference to the bleach do. Either comments have been disabled because of stupidity or all negative ones are buried in an avalanche of cow drool.

Later he added more chemical damage to his hair by dying the bottom black and leaving the tips silver. Here he is vamping/clamping/glamping it up as either an old homage to Adam Ant or some type of gay vampire on a teen show.

Doesn’t he just look precious? He’s ready for his closeup Mr. DeMille.

But the thing that drew me in to post about Madam tonight is his epic fail of a tattoo. Bhahahahah! Lookit it!

What is so wonderful about this tattoo is two different things…

A) It reads in Latin – “Music Soothes The Savage Beast” which is hysterical when you take into account his freakish beast-like Sparkle Cows. Subtle underhanded fuck you in my eyes.

b) But mostly because the quote is all wrong and I’m betting he doesn’t realize it.

Two of Congreve’s turns of phrase from The Mourning Bride (1697) have become famous, albeit frequently in misquotation:

“Music has charms to soothe a savage breast,” which is the first line of the play, spoken by Almeria in Act I, Scene 1. (The word “breast” is often misquoted as “beast”, and “has” sometimes appears as “hath”.)

Bhahahah! And he has to live with that hideously inked mistake forever now!!
Seriously Adam, bleach will eventually fry your hair and cause it to fall out like autumn leaves hitting the ground and none of this erases the fact that your second CD is a huge enormous flop.

David Cook Sophmoronic Tour Starts

October 11, 2011

Sunday night Cook’s new ‘tewer’ started with a bang.. or be that a ripping sound? Caused by another nut and her pals. Dana from New Jersey (Disclaimer: NOT Daina Pizza Screamer from New Jersey. Another Dana.) had been man handling Cook when he was nearby during “Declaration”. Shortly thereafter on stage Cook’s leather pants ripped from ass to knee and the crowd went wild. Particularly after he mumbled something about the rip being a Dicklaration. The crazy Cooktards ate that up and it started off an endless round of speculations on them seeing his dick.

I’ve looked at the photos and it’s more penis wishful thinking. I doubt most of those tards have seen a real live penis in this century and would mistake all sorts of things for peen – a giant praying mantis riding a thermometer, rolled up socks, a banana or a rolled up copy of the Constitution of the United States.

This is the Tard fantasy of what was seen in those darkened grainy photos

Reality – far different than Tard wishes…

Idol Tards have always mistakenly thought all male Idols have huge schlongs while medical research in recent years says that the average penis is between 5 inches and 6.2 inches. That’s 87 percent of men worldwide. The percent with huge peen? A mere 4 percent. Unlikely that many or even any of the Idols are sporting anything beyond the average length, not that it matters anyway, but it seems to be an ongoing creepy concern of the Cooktards and all Tard groups.

Brian May Big Dick

Anyhoo, here’s hoping that Cook gets better hair that doesn’t look snapped on like a Lego Man’s and that the rest of this tour is filled with Tard Fail and amusement. Seems that some of the university gigs are making the middle aged non-student tard pack move to the back of the venue with the students right up front. That’s so awesome!

David Cook Fans Overreact (Again)..

September 18, 2011

… with some Crystal Bowersox and Adam Lambert thrown in for good measure.

Crystal Bowersox
First. I have to share this. A video of an actual Crystal Bowersox Frau fan losing it when Lee Dewyse (who?? Who who you say??) won American Idol in 2010. I didn’t even know she had tards! Sorry to see she also picked up crazy middle aged fans overinvested because I actually dig her music. It is the only Idol CD I bothered to download but I loves me some Blues and Crystal can sing ’em.

Crystal Frau Freaks Out

David Cook
So now the tickets and meet and greet tickets have been purchased for the upcoming Gavin Degraw slash David Cook tour. I heard that many blew ten bucks on buying memberships to Gavin’s website in order to try and get a jump on ticket sales only to wind up with really crummy seats and free access to presales at David Cook Official. C’est la vie. More karma for wacked out over involved fan behavior.

But the Cook crazy fan antics that amused me the most this week besides watching the Front Row Crew buy tickets and M & G packages for all the shows is the drama surrounding one of the hardcore pack, Debra. She’s apparently bought tickets, M&Gs, hotel rooms, airline tickets for most if not all of the venues and now she’s being picked apart on many boards and sites for greedily hogging access to the newly haired one, David Cook. Now, she’s crying that everyone saying that this is over the top unhealthy behavior are just all ‘nasties’ To quote Jen, if she really feels like what she’s doing is making her feel shame then perhaps she shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. Selling those extras might be the way to go.

Curiously some of the ‘weeds’ in fandom, like Wehoscott and Ladynsearch are suspiciously absent from the hoopla surrounding the new tour and the rest of the pack are doing their daily complaining about how RCA management is screwing everything up, or that there are no tour dates on the East Coast, that some M&G packages are already gone or the phases of the moon, the price of tea in China, you name it. This is one group of crazy that will never been satisfied, even if Cook came personally to each of their homes, romanced them all, put on a personal l-o-n-g concert and signed everything in their home from autos to cookware. They’d still find something to moan about.

Might be worth a road trip to York Pennsylvania to see the crowd in action. Will have to consider it.

Adam Lambert

Also, looks like Adam Lambert is starting to get the media attention because of his upcoming CD release. He will be on Lifetime’s “Project Runway” as a guest judge this week. Should be good for a few laughs. His fans have been quiet lately, not much amusing silly behavior to laugh at. Can someone enlighten me about his ‘new direction’? Didn’t he say something recently about ‘Glam’ being dead and he was headed in a new direction? What does that mean exactly because on the PR previews he’s got the old gel spiked ‘glam’ look going on still. I hope it means he’ll do something extremely bizarre, like Elizabethian ruffs and wigs or something equally old and outlandish just to see how the Sparkle Cows will try to replicate that look for themselves. Glammed up was funny enough.

I leave you with this… I wish this dude would audition for “American Idol” It would be enough to lure me into watching… maybe…his bouncing man boobs are hypnotic.

Baldy No More

March 18, 2011

Looks like the evidence is mounting that what I pointed out months ago is true. David ‘Baldy’ Cook has had something surgical done about the ‘Baldy’ part.

See for yourself…

Sort of the balding on my way to being a bitchin’ insurance salesman or middle manager look. That hairline is mighty far back and this was only last year.

and now…

Square fake-looking hairline that all former baldies with new fake hairlines sport. I wonder if he got plugs or the whole enchilada where they take a wedge of your scalp at the back and transplant it to your forehead? I’m betting on the latter, especially with the straight line hairline. No wonder he was only seen wearing those sweaty-looking knit caps for eons, hiding the Bride of Frankenstein stitchlines.

This is a photo of Jeremy Piven after having that type of hair restoration.

Better than going with a lace-fronted custom made wig like John Travolta. But what’s that silver whistle around his neck all about? It is a rape whistle to blow if Svagina or Needacock or Holly Sockpuppets gets near and tries to touch parts south?

You just do not know how tempted I am to go lurk at the charity brain cancer thingie Former-Baldy is running in. It’s right down the road a short hop skip and jump from my house. I want to see the hairline up close and sweating. And I want to point and laugh at the fraus that have spent thousands of dollars and traveled hundreds of miles to lurk around a charity event in vain hopes that a man young enough to be their son would notice them. It’s a win-win.

Speaking of which, sounds like there has been oodles of grumbling about how only ‘crappy seats’ were available to the concert he’s playing in conjunction with the charity run. Did it ever enter the heads of any of the droolers that perhaps actual, oh, I don’t know, cancer sufferers might be the ones with the good seats? The mental images of the usual gang of idiots trying to trample cancer patients to catch Baldy’s attention on stage is sick and amusing at the same time.

I’ll be back to talk about a certain tranny-assed douchebag’s grab for more fan money in a few…

ETA: bulletin board and chatroom open. You will need to register with Yuku to use it first. –

David Cook Uncensored – Ignoring The Facts Again

August 10, 2010

Late last night Sandy posted this comment about the recent happenings over at David Cook Uncensored – or as I refer to it David Cooktards Unhinged.

It sure has been slooooow lately at DCU. Members have become fed up with Holly/MaryAnn’s silly sockpuppet games and are jumping ship. This is just making her more and more desperate and she and her sockpuppets have been trying to pull rumors out of thin air to stir up interest in the board again. First there was the short video posted by David’s bandmate, Andy, which showed a blond woman at the table. Almost everyone thinks it looks like David’s manager but Holly and her sockpuppets keep insisting it looks like another cute, young blond who David MUST be secretly dating because he isn’t sitting next to her.

Then Holly pulls out an old photo and tries to tell the members that it was taken at a secret “private party” in the Philippines and tries to start a rumor about the mysterious brunette in the background. But several members recognized the picture as coming from a Skechers photoshoot and try to tell her the brunette is just a model. Holly still insists her Philippine source says it was taken there until one of the members posts a photo from the same photoshoot with the same brunette model in the background that was used in advertisements.

Next Holly posts another old photo taken in a bar that has some random blond in the background and tries to tell the members that it is Katelyn Epperly who was with David that night. Of course the blond girl looks nothing like Katelyn and it doesn’t even look like she is with David. And the photo was taken a full year before Katelyn even apppeared on Idol so it is highly unlikey she would have even met David then. But little details like that aren’t important to Holly when it comes to starting rumors.

Now, apparently someone on twitter tried to warn the cute, young blond(who Holly insisted was in Andy’s video) about Holly’s rumor-mongering and boy is Holly irate. She is threatening to ban members right and left if they do not post within a prescribed amount of time and has enlisted her gang of sockpuppets to root out the lurking traitors on the board while she “goes out to dinner.” Of course by now just about anyone with half a brain could figure out who the sockpuppets are. It’s just that obvious. What an idiot she is!

I had seen all of this over at Mary Ann Sockpuppet’s place and heard people discussing on other boards how she’s really grappling for the flimsiest of possibilities to tout as facts. Was just getting around to posting about Holly/MaryAnn inventing lovers and one night stands for Cook.

This is Mary Ann Sockpuppet’s personal modem operandi. Things get slow and dull in Baldyland and she invents a scandal, a love affair, a rumor and all her sockpuppets chime in on the matter. The difference is now most people are aware it’s a pack of lies without a shred of evidence or truth. It’s damn pathetic.

How does she do it? It’s simple. Example. Recent photo of David Cook from Busch Gardens Williamsburg.

If I were Holly/MaryAnn Sockpuppets I’d say he was balling that fat middle aged lady in the seat right next to the one it looks like he just emerged from. I’d give her an exotic modelesque name, perhaps lift a profile or two from Model Mayhem or some other modeling site. Or perhaps say he’s having nasty three ways with the he/she and super bald guy in the background. Give them D list celeb names and invent some sleazy story, sell it to the tabloids while getting the sockpuppets to chime in about how ‘disgusting’ he is.

He looks like all the frau avoidance maneuvers have left him aged now. Almost haggard looking. Perhaps it’s just the heat.

New American Idol Judge

June 10, 2010

Apparently the brainiacs at 19 Entertainment are actually considering putting Bert, errr, Bret Michaels in Simon’s old judge position. While it could be interesting (imagine the possible RoL-style hijinks) and rife with possibilities it’s also another likely sign that Idol has jumped a fleet of sharks and is now circling the drain. This article goes on to state that Bret is rearranging his touring schedule and that Simon Cowell pitched Bret as his replacement. Not the first place to print this speculation.

What would Idol look like with Bret as a judge?  Bret as a judge strikes me as someone who would be like the bastard love child of Randy Jackson and Ellen DeGeneres, a genuine Plaquemines parish mistake. You could count on Bret to be as nice like Ellen and as meaninglessly jargonistic as Randy. Instead of ‘Yo Dawg’ you’d get ‘Wassagoinon’ and ‘die-a-beettus’. Bret could never fill Simon’s blunt honesty mixed with sarcasm daily requirements. Add in his inappropriate sexual bantering for extra creepiness. It would be a cluster-you-know-what if they pick Bret.

Loved Bret on ‘Celebrity Apprentice’, loathed him on “Rock of Love’, liked his turn on Idol with Casey James, but he’s just not right as a judge. Bring Bert on as a mentor for a week, now that would be nice, just don’t ask him to take over for Simon. We need a different kind of nasty.

However, Bret might be able to give David Cook some tips of wigs and hair extensions and tattoo care.